girlfriend issue. pls help.

[JustInCase]

Hello,

I have some issues with my girlfriend and I would really appreciate your thoughts on it. I am 33 yr old male and I never had a long term relationships. All of my past relationships were short terms (one to three months). My current girlfriend (30 yr old) and I have been together for bit more than 3 months. I like her, sometimes I love her, but at times I am annoyed with her.

She does not work hence she stays home at her place (and we don’t live together). When I come home from work, sometimes, I just feel like I don’t want to talk or see anyone. When I don’t call her, she gets pissed, hence I understand her feeling and I call her every night. However, sometimes I don’t have much to say and neither has she and then we get into awkward silence over the phone. I love having a fun conversation when I call her, but I feel that if I talk to her when I’m not in the mood, I know that we’re not going to have a good conversation. She said that she does not expect a long phone call, but still I feel unease about calling to say “how are you or how was your day” every time and hang up.

On the same token, she wants know where I am or what I’m doing, but she does not call or text me to find out. She expects me to call her and let her know. I am not used to letting people know where I am or what I’m doing. When I go out with my best friend, she gets pissed and says something like, “when two people care for each other, they should go and do things together, etc”. However, she goes out with her best friends like nothing, which I am OK with since it does not bother me.

I also want to get married at some point, and honestly, as much as I like her, but with these differences in personality, I don’t think I see marrying her. For this reason, I thought about ending the relationship few times. Am I being too hard on the relationship? Or to her?

[vashti]

I think your irritation is justified. She is treating you like a child. You should discuss this with her honestly, and draw some boundaries. If the two of you were living together, her keeping closer tabs would be more justified, but the two of you have only been dating a few months, and this level of control would be unacceptable to me. For the record, I do think a lot of women are this way, and I guess you will know you are a match when either you don't mind, or when she can learn to keep it under control.

Maybe you should try telling her when she can expect you to call (rather than daily updates), for example, on Monday, tell her "I'll call you on Thursday to make weekend plans".

And yeah - hanging with your friends on occasssion should continue, and she should not expect to always be included.

[pinkpuca84]

wait2..have u read the book "men are from mars, women are from venus" ? this is exactly what the book says...haha...u should understand why ur girlfriend acts that way, and why u feel that way. but ur girlfriend also needs to undertand u and her own feeling. i highly recommend u to read the book. it's very useful. i'm not gonna blame either one of u guys, cos this is none of u guys'fault. u just have to understand each other better. afterall the way men think is different from women's. it's just the fact.

[Cbrider]

She's immature and I would bet that she has some insecurities too.

Look man, you're 33 years old and shes 30 years old, I think that by that age you can checkoff a lot of her behavior as something she should have conquered a decade ago. She's acting like a jealous high school girl friend.

I can understand her wanting to know where you are and wanting to talk to you, but shes acting pretty possessive about it.

[Lite]

Do you really want to be in a long-term relationship with someone who expects you to bow to their every whim, but doesn't put forth any energy of their own into the relationship? She's a leech, she has no job, and she expects you to be there 24/7 for her. You're not even married and she has your balls in a sling man. Good god!