Whats the deal with women and marriage proposals?

[Onion42]

How do you satisfy a woman who wants to know you are going to ask her to marry you but still wants it to be a surprise? Like she doesn't want to talk about it at all but still wants to get the go ahead from me before i actually do it. I know because i did ask and now shes all bent out of shape that we never discussed it before hand. Evey time i would bring it up she didn't want to hear it or would say "you don't ask a girl that!" But now shes like you have to be 100%sure that when you ask the girl will say yes otherwise you ruin it but it has to be a surprise at the same time. So how the hell do you let her know that you are going to ask her to marry you, get her ok to do it because shes ready, and then make it a surprise when it happens? Afterwords she was angry we didn't talk about it first and i asked her what was there to talk about and she agreed that there isn't anything to talk about and that i just caught her off guard. But isn't that the point?

This is the same girl who yelled and got really pissed at me when i bought her diamond earrings just as a gift. Her exact word were "i never asked for you to buy me these". I was like yeah they are supposed to be a gift because i love you. Later she said she acted that way because nobody ever did anything like that for her before and she didn't know how to react. Its like she has been waiting for certain things to happen for so long she doenst know what to do when it does happen. She has built it up to the point that no matter what happens it will be wrong in some way. I have to do exactly what she is thinking or how it should happen to her and i will never be able to do that. I cant read minds.

[Lite]

Men fantasize about becoming firemen, doctors, pilots, astronauts...

Women fantasize about their marriage proposal and wedding day... From the time they are little. Just so you know, as a man. A wedding is something that happens to you, not for you. Be prepared for that.

But your girlfriend sounds picky and high maintenance. Which, if you like that. Great.

If not, better reconsider the marriage proposal.

[vashti]

I think you need to be a little better at setting limits on her nonsense. Just tell her it isn't appropriate for her to act as director to a proposal. Ask her when you are ready, in your own way, and she will either accept or reject.

[Gigabitch]

I guys were 100% sure she'd say yes, they wouldn't be nervous about asking.
I hope you realize she's going to get worse with her unreasonable expectations after you marry her, not better. It will be all about making every anniversary more special than the last.

I hope you like it in the doghouse.

[IndiReloaded]

Men fantasize about becoming firemen, doctors, pilots, astronauts...

Women fantasize about their marriage proposal and wedding day... From the time they are little.

The hell they do, Lite. Not all of them. Some actually become doctors.

[alovehangoverr]

It's not impossible.

My brother and his girlfriend knew they were going to get married, he was sure about it, they had talked about it, and she even let him know which ring she was interested in.

He still surprised her with the proposal.

I don't think she's wrong with wanting to make sure it 100% agreed upon thing [seriously, how embarrassing if you asked and got a "no," right?] however.. that doesn't mean you're going to ask her right before you do it if it's ok.

Just talk about getting married. Make sure you're on the same page. Surprise her down the line.

[bluesummer]

This girl sounds impossible to please. Are you really sure this is the woman you want to spend the rest of your life with???

Men fantasize about becoming firemen, doctors, pilots, astronauts...

Women fantasize about their marriage proposal and wedding day... From the time they are little. Just so you know, as a man. A wedding is something that happens to you, not for you. Be prepared for that.
.

For the record, women also fantasize about great careers, and not always about marriage. I never put any thought into marriage my whole life until the day my fiance proposed. Not one thought. Also, he puts just as much effort and opinion into the wedding as I do.

[Junket]

She's just using you to fulfill her fantasies, she don't give a shit who you are so long as you fit the mold.

[Onion42]

She's just using you to fulfill her fantasies, she don't give a shit who you are so long as you fit the mold.

Im starting to think that you have hit the nail right on the head. Sometimes i feel like im just part of a check list.

[Onion42]

It's not impossible.

My brother and his girlfriend knew they were going to get married, he was sure about it, they had talked about it, and she even let him know which ring she was interested in.

He still surprised her with the proposal.

I don't think she's wrong with wanting to make sure it 100% agreed upon thing [seriously, how embarrassing if you asked and got a "no," right?] however.. that doesn't mean you're going to ask her right before you do it if it's ok.

Just talk about getting married. Make sure you're on the same page. Surprise her down the line.

Thing is we went over this. She said it shouldnt work like that. Sure you talk about it. But to say "Hey what do you think of us getting married?" would be a taboo and to talk about what ring to get, no way she would go for that. One time i had a special date set up for us. On the way there she said "Are you going to propose to me?" I said "No, would you like me to?" Her response was you should never have to ask a girl that. And we already agreed that ther really isnt anything to talk about besides the fact that she may or may not be ready. Its not like shes giving me status updates on her readiness. So whats left besides just doing it? Its like she wants to have her cake and eat it to.

[alovehangoverr]

Thing is we went over this. She said it shouldnt work like that. Sure you talk about it. But to say "Hey what do you think of us getting married?" would be a taboo and to talk about what ring to get, no way she would go for that. One time i had a special date set up for us. On the way there she said "Are you going to propose to me?" I said "No, would you like me to?" Her response was you should never have to ask a girl that. And we already agreed that ther really isnt anything to talk about besides the fact that she may or may not be ready. Its not like shes giving me status updates on her readiness. So whats left besides just doing it? Its like she wants to have her cake and eat it to.

.. Ok that's just ridiculous.

She's setting herself up for either getting proposed to with a ring she could potentially hate when she's not ready for it, or not getting proposed to at all because you're too unsure.

Are you sure you're set on this one?

If I were you I'd let her know she shouldn't expect a proposal unless she's willing to discuss it.

[Junket]

Im starting to think that you have hit the nail right on the head. Sometimes i feel like im just part of a check list.

Dude, I know I hit the nail on the head.

It's just a matter of you recognizing and accepting it.

After that, you tell her to cut the bullshit, or you'll walk.

After that, you walk because you already knew she's too shortsighted to see your side of things anyway.

[Aeradalia]

Men fantasize about becoming firemen, doctors, pilots, astronauts...

Women fantasize about their marriage proposal and wedding day... From the time they are little.

I wanted to get married at the courthouse as a casual thing (it was just 'paperwork' as far as I was concerned)... my ex was the one who wanted it all done the 'right' way with the white dress, the church, and the whole shebang...

Btw... I fantasized about being a writer/scientist when I was little... and thought I would be alone my whole life... had that notion ever since I was 10.

So it really depends on the woman... her upbringing... and many other factors...

[Onion42]

Heres another question.

How do you compete or fulfill a fantasy or dream someone has had all there life when it comes to getting engaged and getting married?

My feeling is you cant unless that person is willing to share that dream with you. Otherwise you are screwed because everything you do will be wrong. She said one time that "the relationship is not going the way she envisioned it" and i asked her about that vision and she was completely unwilling to share it with me. My response was that if we shared our hopes,dreams, or wants with each other it would help us better understand what each of us wants. Her response "No way you cant do that with the person you are with. You can only do that with a neutral party whos not involved." So that leaves me to guess and try and read what it is she wants. During one conversation thats exactly what i was trying to do. I was guessing at what i thought was right and her response was "you dont even know what i want, you dont know me." My response why dont you freaking tell me for a change.

[bluesummer]

Holy crap.

Onion, seriously, she's got some issues. How can you guys possibly know how to make each other happy if you don't know what the other wants or desires? It's like she wants you to read her mind. Or testing you.....if you guess wrong, it's a strike against you. That's just ridiculous, and completely unhealthy. She's playing total head games with you.

She sounds like some little girl who wants to live in her envisioned fantasy world of the perfect romance. Love isn't a ****ing romance novel, princess. Real live men need to be let into your head and told what makes you happy. Good lord.