Romantic feelings for friends.. bad?

[LilyPetals]

Does telling a close friend that you have feelings for them negatively effect the friendship if the other party does not feel the same?

If a close friend told you they liked you, would it strain your friendship?

What are some thoughts/opinions on this?

[Gigabitch]

Having the romantic feelings in the first place negatively affects the friendship. Friends don't do that.

[LilyPetals]

Having the romantic feelings in the first place negatively affects the friendship. Friends don't do that.

Are you saying that that automatically ruins the friendship? What if it doesn't ruin the friendship? what if it enhances it?
are you saying that's not possible?

I'm honestly really curious to hear your opinion!

[Gigabitch]

It's simple. if you're romantically interested in him, then your friendship is compromised. Your relationship may be enhanced, but your friendship is toast because friends don't date, they don't make out, they don't get into bed together.

Believe me, I learned this the hard way.

[steelsword]

Well I'm going to agree & disagree with Giga about this. You can have romantic feelings for a friend, but the moment you tell them the friendship will be changed, either good or bad. I told a female friend of mine a few times, we're actually still friends but I doubt she will ever feel that way about me.

Me personally, if one of my female friends told me this, I'd be flattered, and if I liked her back in that way I would definitely be up for it. Hell, I'll be honest, most of my female friends I would definitely date.

[cairenn13]

This is tricky situation for anyone. My advice is to play it safe and keep your feelings to yourself unless you are certain your friend feels the same way, and you both want to move your relationship to the another level.

I was in a similar situation myself a few years ago. I told a guy I'd met through a friend that I liked him. We hadn't really been close friends at the time, but after I told him and he rejected me we became very close friends. The problem was that my feelings for him didn't go away, they only got stronger until I was sure I was in love with him. In the end I couldn't hide how I felt and it put a strain on our relationship. Even trying to show him a bit of friendly support and affection like his other friends did was misinterpreted as an attempt to make the moves on him, which made him very uncomfortable.

Unfortunately the strain of constant misunderstandings between us over the simplest things destroyed the great friendship we had. It sucks because it was my feelings that caused our friendship to fail.

You have to decide for yourself if you can continue the friendship without your feelings getting in the way. If not it can make things very awkward if you're hanging out on a regular basis. In that case, a bit of distance might help, where you can try to focus on other things or possibly other people.

[steelsword]

Cairenn makes some good points, however, I personally would rather tell the friend and have it not work out than have the friend secretly feeling the same way about me and neither person never saying anything out of fear of ruining the friendship (which ironically is just the opposite with me for women I don't know that well). I tend to share my feelings too soon/too often though unlike most men.

Have you specifically asked him if he has any romantic feelings for you? If not, do so. Then you have your answer.

[LilyPetals]

Cairenn makes some good points, however, I personally would rather tell the friend and have it not work out than have the friend secretly feeling the same way about me and neither person never saying anything out of fear of ruining the friendship (which ironically is just the opposite with me for women I don't know that well). I tend to share my feelings too soon/too often though unlike most men.

Have you specifically asked him if he has any romantic feelings for you? If not, do so. Then you have your answer.

I agree, I don't think I would want to risk to telling someone in fear of destroying the friendship. The truth will always set you free...

[Nielss]

It's weird.

Because for all the time that you have been friends, you've been coming across as a trustworthy person. You have shared intimate stories that you may not have with a sexual partner.

If you're changing the relationship to a more sexual one, it will be difficult. It's easier to change your own character/personality into a more sex 'worthy' one and then go out meet NEW people.

If you think you can't do that, tell your friends straight up what's up and make it a ''NOW or NEVER'' deal.

That's my 2c.

[Justplaying5050]

It deffinitely has to possibility to hurt a friendship, really it depends on how she/he reacts because he/she will most likely notice this before you tell them anyway. Then if they say no, there is a chance of still keeping the friendship fairly strong (if not a bit awkward occasionally), it all depends on you behave around her afterwards imo. least that has been my experience.

[Gribble]

If a close friend told me she had romantic feelings for me I'd be heartbroken. It would be the end of our friendship, whether I rebuked her or I confessed my own romantic feelings.

Best case scenario we date, have sex, then we break up and she hates my guts.

[LilyPetals]

If a close friend told me she had romantic feelings for me I'd be heartbroken. It would be the end of our friendship, whether I rebuked her or I confessed my own romantic feelings.

Best case scenario we date, have sex, then we break up and she hates my guts.

Ive told a friend before and we've become closer friends after that. I don't think it has to be a deal breaker. Not always, but maybe sometimes.

[Konart]

Having the romantic feelings in the first place negatively affects the friendship. Friends don't do that.

Honestly, I'd have to disagree. I have been in 3 relationships. One was serious off and on for 5 years, the other was only a week, and the recent one was for a year off and on. More so off than on. And let me just say, we're all still friends. I guess it really depends on the person. Some people aren't strong enough emotionally to hold a friendship after a breakup with someone, but I am. I even posted a thread on here recently asking advice from guys about my sticky situation with my best friend. It all has to do with patience, respect for the other's feelings, and how much they're worth keeping as a friend. If you truly like someone that's a friend of yours, I'd say tell them. If they can't be your friend because they find it too confusing or complicated, then screw them. I've had two of my guy friends in the past tell me that they liked me, but I told them that I don't feel the same way. After that, I tried to make them feel comfortable with still being my friend and letting them know that just because they told me their feelings, it wouldn't make things weird on my end.

I hope I made sense and that this helps.

[Pietomb]

I found that with one friend i told her, and she just totally retracted herself from me, watched what she said and was generally more reserved. But then another accepted it and we dated for a while, broke up and were still friends, now we're back together. Can go either way i suppose, just depends on what kind of person they are and how you let them know. But as someone said before, they or the people around you probably already have an idea of your feelings.

[Gigabitch]

Honestly, I'd have to disagree. I have been in 3 relationships. One was serious off and on for 5 years, the other was only a week, and the recent one was for a year off and on. More so off than on. And let me just say, we're all still friends.

No, you're friendly with them. The only way people of opposite genders can truly be friends is if there's no attraction between them, on either side. If you dated and just felt blah about each other, no chemistry, then you can be friends. Otherwise, it's a back-burner situation and you're all just fooling yourselves.