Should I end it after 2 years?

[islandguy]

Hey everyone, i'm a 25 year old guy and i've been in a relationship with my girlfriend for the last 2 years. Lately i've been feeling very out of place, like i'm somewhere in life I shouldn't be. I've been wanting to be able to snap my fingers and magically dissapear and reapear in some other city, in some other apartment, by myself.

We met just over 2 years ago at work, hung out a couple times, then she came over to my place and slept over for the first time. Ever since then, we have pretty much been living together. So basically, due to the circumstances of her current situation at the time, she moved in with me after we had been dating for only a few weeks. Yes, we jumped into things very quickly. Everything just felt so 'perfect'!

3 months pass, and we move to another city together (her home city). I went along for the ride because I was really bored with life and hadn't had a girlfriend for a long time and was quite enjoying the whole idea of being with someone who was drop dead gorgeous and who loved me unconditionally.

Talks of marriage and being together forever and having kids and all that came up very soon, however it was 99% coming from her mouth. As you can see, things got serious very quickly!

So now it is around 2 years later, I am 25 and she is now 20, and we are living in our 5th apartment together back in the city which we first met in. We have had many fights, small and big and bigger, and we've also had a lot of good times and share many great memories together. Our lives have been fused together, and the only times we are apart is when we are at work (we both work full time).

So, the problem is that I have a troubling concern that I have gotten to this point by just going with the flow of the relationship. I feel that I have exhausted my interest and time in this relationship, and that I am not done living life by myself. Before I met her, I was a bit of a loner. I had friends that a saw and hung out with every week, but I was generally at home playing guitar (i'm a musician) and doing my own thing. Now however, I cannot seem to find hardly any time at all for playing or recording because I am always with her, and for some reason my body always feels compelled to go lay down with her on the couch instead of anything else because it's such a warm and comfortable feeling cuddling with her and being close to her.

I have also lost my best friend because of the fact that i'm always with my g/f. There have been several occassions where i've had to cancel plans with my friend, because me and my g/f had been in a bad fight and just made up, and it would feel weird just getting up and leaving her in such a fragile state. As well, I can't see any female friends because my g/f is too jealous. Which really sucks, because it leaves me with nobody to talk to if i'm having any relationship problems, and more importantly I really miss having the freedom to do what I want and when I want.

Now, that's all pretty normal stuff I guess for someone in my position, but it goes a little further than that. From the second I helped my g/f move out of her dorm, I had a gut feeling telling me that I either walk away now, or walk away far down the road when it would be much more painful. Some sort on intuition was telling me that it wasn't meant to be. But, I said screw it and decided to go along for the ride and deal with the rest later.

Along the whole relationship, I have also been attracted to other women. It doesn't stop, and maybe that's normal. But I just don't know how I am only supposed to be attracted to one woman. I am speaking in more of a sexual tense, not in an emotional way. I look at other girls, I dream of other girls sometimes, and when me and my g/f are having sex, I quite often imagine i'm having sex with a different girl as well. It's not that we have bad sex and I have to pretend she's someone else, it's just that...I think I get tired of the same ol' thing. I think it's because before I met her, I was a virgin. She doesn't know that though, i've pretty much lied my may into making her believe that i've been with other women. I'm not proud of it, but the fact that I was a virgin (at 23) and she had been with around 13 guys (at 18) made me quite embarassed.

I know this is a lot of info, but this is actually the first time i've ever vented about any of this to anybody and it feels kind of good. But, sorry if it's a little long.

Anyways, I should also mention that lately for some reason, i've felt repelled by her. I don't know why, but sometimes when she talks about her day, or is talking to her friends, I just can't stand her and I don't know why someone like me is with someone like her. I find her so superficial sometimes, like she only cares about herself and she refuses to see the sides of other peoples opinions. I especially notice this when her and I get into a fight (which used to happen frequently but now not so much), she only sees things her way and the only thing that will make her happy is if I apologize for being wrong.

Another thing that has been turning me off lately is kissing her. I don't know why but sometimes when she kisses me and slips me the tongue it feels like i'm kissing my sister or mother. It's so weird! Maybe it's cause i'm not in the mood and i'm tired, but it's happend several times.

Well, I guess that's it for now. I have to get ready for work!

Can someone PLEASE give me some advice or insight into this relationship? I have become so used to all of these things that it's hard for me to really make a good judgement call on this relationship. Sometimes I think it's all in my head, but deep down inside i'm worried that I really shouldn't be with her...

Thanks for listening people

[jjj]

just seems everything was rushed into very early. wihout thinking, but as u said seemed right at the time, you havegot the experience, and outgrown the relationship..u seem to already know the answer, yet dont wan't to do the hardest thing..as i also am finding out right now...just walking away. you are in the comfort zone i guess, you can go on, as it is, maybe much wont change, and u can get along with it, generally happy? or you can go out...find yourself again (do the things you liked to do before..quitar... meet up with friends again..), get your old life back again. learn from this experience..and go on with your life.
To me your feelings show you already seem to believe yourself, you're not right for each other..and you say she is good looking...so if u do follow this advice...go on with confidence of meeting others..as someone that good wanted you etc

[Rico Bravo]

Dude, you clearly aren't ready to settle with her. There's nothing wrong with that, you're just waiting for a breaking point to make the decision you're going to make anyway. Don't wait. If she isn't the one for you, guess what? You're young enough to figure out what you really want in a relationship. So, be honest with her, expect her to be immature (she's young), but if I were you, I'd formulate plan B now (separate living situation, accounts).

[doppelgaenger]

Why don't you just go play guitar? I mean, damn, if that's what you want to do, then go ahead. And go see your friends now and then. Why can't your girlfriend tag along? Christ, it seems like you *want* to break up with her and you want to be single, and you are looking for reasons to end what probably is a decent relationship. I think, if you want to have female friends, it hsould be ok for you to have female friends. You have to talk with your girlfriend about this stuff.

I don't like what I hear about you imagining that you are ****ing other people when you are having sex with her. I also don't like how you feel like you're kissing your mother. You shouldn't feel like that at all.

I don't know what to tell you, honestly. I do think that you should seriously consider breaking up with her, because first and foremost, she wants to settle down and get married and whatnot, and you seem to be very uncertain about this. It would be selfish to keep her around knowing that you don't want that. Besides, you don't seem to be happy, and there seems to be a great lack of communication in your relationship.

[bluesummer]

First off, she's young, and the fact that she moved in with you SO fast and started talking about marriage tells me she's pretty needy and clingy, and has very unrealistic expectations of a relationship.

Secondly, part of a healthy relationship is having time to yourselves.....and not just at work. You need time apart to spend with your friends, pursue your own dreams abd hobbies. A partner that doesn't help foster this behaviour is not a good choice for a long-term relationship. You'll end up alienating everyone and living for her, since she'll be the only thing in your life. You DO NOT want that.

It sounds like you're ready to end things, even if you do love her. Love doesn't make a relationship work. I think, based on her age, she needs to learn to be alone and be independent. She's too reliant on you. Both of you need to go out and expand your horizons.....not just by dating other people, but by being independent, experiencing new things, having a life outside of work. It's okay not to want to be with her anymore. It actually shows that you realize that you deserve happiness, and it's a way of thinking that it takes most people a long time to really 'get'.

[Rollerderby]

Mistake one: Moving in right away. And def for the wrong reasons. No wonder she got attached so fast.

Mistake two: cutting out the other people in your life.

Mistake three: (or perhaps one if you're going chronologically) Lying to her about your virginity. After two years, and even though it was a white lie, you have had to carry it with you.

Mistake four: Basically becoming an amoeba on each other. Which always leads to eventual repulsion.

If you aren't feeling the feelings (and it sounds like your fault as much as hers) better to cut and run. You can't fix picturing your sister or mother.