Help Needed!!

[fod1987]

This is a long story. But I need advice.

Okay here is the back-story. I year ago I broke up with my first girlfriend. We didn't end contact however. We still talked and hung out. We shared a phone plan even. Big mistake. Anyways 3 days after I broke up with her I started to date one of my friends. We dated for 8 months and everything was cool. She had expressed that she had reservations about me still taking to my ex but she didn't make it a big deal. She didn't want to be too serious. Anyways in January I hung out with my ex. The girl I was dating found some texts and asked me if I hung out with my ex. I said no and she got emotional. She said she knew I had and that it really hurt that I lied to her face. After a lengthy conversation we made up and I told her that I wouldn't lie to her again.

A couple of weeks later we got into a serious relationship. I sent my ex an email saying I couldn't talk to her because my gf would not be happy and that it would be inappropriate. Well she went livid and texted me and called me until I finally answered. I told her to please leave me alone. She did for like a week. Then she started to call me and text me again. At first I just ignored it hoping she would go away. She didn't. My gf asked me if my ex had try to contact me and me trying to avoid a fight said no. It got to the point where I was so irritated because she wouldn't stop that I gave in and answered her texts and calls.

My gf asked me why I hadn't cancel my line yet and I told her work was slow and most of my money went to taking her out and stuff. She said she understood but still sounded uneasy. Which is total understandable. Anyways my ex kept contacting me and I kept answering. Mostly to ask her to understand that we couldn't talk. I even encouraged her to find someone else. About a month ago I had enough money saved up to cancel my line and buy my gf a ring from Tiffany's. I was going to surprise her. I made the mistake of texting my ex informing her I was going to cancel my line and I asked her to not contact me because I was going to be with my gf. Well she texted me at 1 in the morning while I was in bed with my gf. My gf asked who the hell was texting me at 1 am and I panicked because I didn't want to ruin the surprise and I knew this fight would be a big one. Well I lied and said it was my friend. She told me to call the number and I dialed the number but changed the last digit. She didn't buy it and knew what I did. She broke up with me and we didn't talk for a week.

I was pissed at my ex and went to her house and talked to her and said I hated her and didn't want to ever hear from her again. She then proceeded to text my gf (I have no idea how she got it) that I had cheated on her and all this shit. I took a lot to convince my gf to talk to me again and she said she wanted to take things slow but was really worried I might had cheated on her. I encouraged to talk to my ex and even meet up with her because I knew she would coward. She texted my ex but my ex didn't answer. I felt relieved. Me an my gf kept working on things. I changed my number but I couldn’t cancel the line anymore because I had used that money to pay for an issue I had with my car. I didn't hear from my ex until she somehow got my new number. I was so pissed I cussed her out and everything. That evening my gf said in order to move on forward she needed proof I was talking to my ex. She asked to see my text history and call history. I said ok. I knew she would see texts and calls from my ex so I knew I was going to have to explain. While my gf was at work the next day my ex called her and told her we had sex all the time behind my gf back and all of this shit. My gf asked for her password to see her account and my ex knew there was going to be texts and calls between us. I guess she was smarter than I thought. My gf saw the history and was obviously pissed. She told me to not talk t her again all that good stuff. Needles to say I talked to my ex and told her if she contacted me again I would take legal action. I haven't heard from her again...... nor my gf. Well my ex gf now.

I bought her flowers and I wrote her a letter but she said it was over and needed to move on. My question I guess is what the hell can I do? I have given her a lot of space. My best friend says this is salvageable but I will need to exert a tremendous amount of energy and time on this to get her back. I am willing to do that but I don't know how to start. I know I kept things from my gf but it was to avoid fights and because I wanted my ex to just go away. How many of you have gotten girls back? What can I do about my ex contacting me?

It just sucks that my ex ruined my relationship. Is that normal for exs to do that kind of shit? Any thoughts or comments would be appreciated. Thanks.

[Lolitta]

Firstly you shouldnt have lied to the girl that you were dating
Secondly she is so jealous. Im surprised how you ar enot annoyed yet? I mean its not like you and your ex still like each other (or so it doesnt seem to be that way) you both are just friends and its a normal thing to do to stay in touch with her especially when she was your first girlfriend. I dont like the sound of your current girlfriend.. she is way too jealous. If shes not leting you talk to your ex, shes not gonna let you talk to any other females. Do you really want that? I think its not too late to talk to her about this and tell her that you are still going to stay in touch with your ex and that she shouldnt worry aboutt that because you are just friends with her.

and then what the hell is wrong with your ex?!?! Why couldnt she just leave you alone?! She is too obviously jealous, just like your current gf... Sigh.

I think your current gf was the one to make the whole situation like this, not your ex. If your current wasnt so paranoid about you staying in contact with your ex, none of this wouldve happened. But then you too dont always have to tell your gf when you taalk to your ex. Its your life and any woman you date/in a relationship with should appreciate that you have your own life and try not to involve herself in every single activity that you do.

I think you should talk to your gf. Tell her that you tried to cut your ex out completely but she is the one who keeps contacting you. Suggest that you will continue to stay in contact with your ex (the way your ex wants) but you will give your gf an overview of your conversations with your ex. Then you can see if that works. And also once your ex gets used to that, youcan slooooooowly cut her out. Thats what you want right? Make sure that thats what you want and not what your gf wants.

[fod1987]

thats the thing though i dont want to be firends with my ex and i dont want her contacting me. I mean when we first broke it off yeah i wanted to keep in touch but now is like i just want her to go away. i hvavent talked to my gf in 3 weeks and its been hard but i am giving her space and just working on myself at the momoment.

[Yggdrasil]

thats the thing though i dont want to be firends with my ex and i dont want her contacting me. I mean when we first broke it off yeah i wanted to keep in touch but now is like i just want her to go away. i hvavent talked to my gf in 3 weeks and its been hard but i am giving her space and just working on myself at the momoment.

You know what a restraining order is? Use it.

[whaywardj]

If you're breaking up with someone, the best response to any of their overtures is NO response, ever. You blew it. Can hardly blame your new gf for wondering whether you were hanging in with your ex just to play both of them for your own gain and giving you heave ho.

[lovesjoyajm]

If you're breaking up with someone, the best response to any of their overtures is NO response, ever. You blew it. Can hardly blame your new gf for wondering whether you were hanging in with your ex just to play both of them for your own gain and giving you heave ho.

Whayward!!!!!!!!!!!

[whaywardj]

Yup. This be true.

[fod1987]

If you're breaking up with someone, the best response to any of their overtures is NO response, ever. You blew it. Can hardly blame your new gf for wondering whether you were hanging in with your ex just to play both of them for your own gain and giving you heave ho.

No I agree that I should have handle it better. Although the whole playing them angle doesnt really apply here since I bought my gf plenty of expensive items and jewelry from Tiffanys. i can understand why she is so mad but my question is what do i do now?

Give her space? I am doing that. I am not calling her or texting her or anything like that. I think I will play it cool for a month or two and then begin to contact her and take it from there.

[whaywardj]

Well, if you haven't figured it out yet, one of the differences between men and women is that women are very often done with something a long time before a man even knows they are, and when they're done, they're done. And all the Tiffanys in the world won't bring them back again. You may have lost this one, friend. Live and learn.

[Mish]

I'm with Hayward, you should've just changed your number and be done with it. For some reason you wanted to be nice to your ex even though she crossed every single imaginable boundary, it was the reasons for your strange niceness to her that buried you in the end.

P.S. Good to see you Hayward, whacha been up to?

[whaywardj]

...it was the reasons for your strange niceness to her that buried you in the end.

P.S. Good to see you Hayward, whacha been up to?

Wise beyond your years, as usual, Mish. Thanks. Mostly, I'm just trying to stay above ground, lately. Got diagnosed with terminal cancer last October and am in the beginning stages of recovering from six bouts with chemotherapy. I'm lucky, though. Am told that many people don't survive their second chemo treatment.

[Mish]

Got diagnosed with terminal cancer last October and am in the beginning stages of recovering from six bouts with chemotherapy. I'm lucky, though. Am told that many people don't survive their second chemo treatment.

I'm sorry to hear that. That would make things difficult. I'm glad to hear that you are recovering, with your resilience and optimism the cancer must have realize it has nothing on you!

[whaywardj]

I'm sorry to hear that. That would make things difficult. I'm glad to hear that you are recovering, with your resilience and optimism the cancer must have realize it has nothing on you!

Could be. Thanks for not bleeding all over the frigging forum with heartfelt sentimentalities on the matter. The largest emotional change I've been through over the fact is that I've developed a profound disrespect for healthy people. Especially YOUNG, healthy people. They have NO idea how good they've got it, and wring their hands over the silliest of things. But I risk hijacking this thread, so enough on that. Good to be chatting with you -- all of you -- again.

[Mish]

Could be. Thanks for not bleeding all over the frigging forum with heartfelt sentimentalities on the matter.

I think I've broken my heartfelt sentimentalities switch. It's been a source of a few problems for me lately.

But it's good to know that you are well (at least, getting better) and it's good to see you again

[whaywardj]

I think I've broken my heartfelt sentimentalities switch. It's been a source of a few problems for me lately.

You can't say something like that at LF and not expect someone to reply, "Share!" (On a new thread.)