Good Guy...Turned Bad?

[Jason86]

I'm confused and lost in my thoughts, let me begin by saying for the record I am a nice guy (the few that are left) and have had some crazy nights in the past few weeks. Here is the background:

There was a young woman I liked, (lets call her Cara) she was smart, funny and beautiful; but that’s not what I liked about her, I got to know her through conversations and hanging out for the past few months (6) and was impressed by her overall personality. (That’s what won me over)

I didn't want to mess up the friendship by asking her out..at first, but I just drove my self crazy by thinking about the possibility of being together (relationship) that I eventually did.

She said’ "I really like you, I really do, but I don't want to mess up our friendship" Crushed, but respected her for being honest, I said "I understood" ....all was good until a mutual friend (female) told me that Cara told her that I'm too nice and respectful and that I'm not the type of guy she would F***, but make love too.

The mutual friend told me that, Cara is not looking for a nice guy, but bad boys...like most women are. Cara start dating this jerk (jerk is being nice) and was having relations with him, I know this cause she called and told me. But me being a friend, I could only give her my advice and wish her the best.

A couple weeks went by, another female friend that I had in my eye, (Kim) was starting to call me and wanting to hang out more than normal, but she too in the past stated that I was too nice of a guy for her. (another mutual friend (female) told me) I went with the flow, she stated that her jerk had dumped her and she felt like a fool; basically she wanted to reconnect with me.

Confused I did what I always do, ask my friends who are mostly females and married (they are the mutual friends) all of them agreed that she got used, abuse and hurt by the jerk and want the nice guy to make it feel better. They informed me to let her be and tell her off; to say what’s on my mind.

I said I couldn't do that, I can't hurt somebody feelings. Then they made me a challenge, they told me; that if I acted like a jerk for the next 6 weeks I could get not only Cara/Kim, but any woman I wanted. At first I couldn't bare my self to become what I hate the most, which is a jerk. But I took in mind that these 5 women who I trust with my life have never been wrong.

So I was the jerk to Cara and Kim and any woman I met those six weeks (which killed me in the inside) but it worked...I mean it really did. They were ringing my phone off the hook, showing up at my job/hang out spots and wanting to chill with me at my place. It was unbelievable. Cara wanted to have sex, but the nice guy in me couldn't do it and take advantage of her.

Cara text me today asking she wants me and thinks about me daily, Kim wants to spend the night, A female I met at the local pub invited me to spend the night and more women seem to check me out, when I act like the jerk.

But I'm dying on the inside, cause it’s not me they want, it’s the pretender, the A******, the dumb***....the jerk.
I'm losing my mind cause I never had this much success being the nice guy (which I have always been) but its hard to walk away from this....I tasted the dark side and I like it (its the only metaphor I could think of sorry)

I just want to hear a second opinion, if this wasn’t too much to read....I need a voice of reason
Can someone please tell me what is going on?

[damn2008]

Unfortunately you have the play the jerk to sometimes get the women you want. It's a game that works. You know us guys HATE games but we have to play them against women or else they'll just walk all over us. That's not to say that there are women out there that geniunely don't play games but you know what I mean.

But at the same time, you have to be careful because you are not being yourself. Use it for now and keep it as your "guard". This is at least getting you "in" with more women. Once you actually establish a relationship...you can bring more of yourself and your "nice guy" attitude into the light.

[lovesjoyajm]

How exactly do you define "being a jerk"?

Have you simply stopped being a doormat?

[trisha]

jason..hmmp..

dunno what's with us girls but we really prefer guys who are jerk..i know of course that it's not good to like these type of guys but for me it's really challenging...

but then, for 2 years, i was hurt by these guys who are jerks, but after really much thought and after crying pails and pails of tears, hahaha, i realized that i should go for those nice guys instead....hehehe

sometimes girls are stupid...really...

[Yggdrasil]

sometimes girls are stupid...really...

Only sometimes?

[Yggdrasil]

FYI: what they mean by 'jerk' is someone who's able to say no, set boundaries and doesn't let someone run allover you.

It doesn't pay off to be 'nice' and it's a turn off.

Women just tend to fall for guys with high self esteem who know what they want and are in charge of their life.

Unfortunately, this is something that a lot of "macho" guys and players have in common.

[url]http://www.loveforum.net/love-advice-forum/28477-date-nice-guy-6.html#post452934[/url]

[Mish]

How exactly do you define "being a jerk"?

Have you simply stopped being a doormat?

Yeh, I'd like to know that as well.

Can you perhaps define what a 'jerk' and a 'nice guy' mean to you? Maybe you just stopped being a wuss?

[vashti]

I agree with loveajoy. You simply stopped being a wimp, and THAT is what is attractive, not the part of you being a jerk. No one likes a doormat.

[WonderMan]

Ouh shit. Unfortnunatly I'm a good guy too, but after reading this I decided that I need to stop being a good guy, which I can't..

Tell me what exactly you did to turn "bad"
I'll just try it, for few weeks like you.. It will probably be really hard, but yah I must..

[lovesjoyajm]

You simply stopped being a wimp, and THAT is what is attractive, not the part of you being a jerk. No one likes a doormat.

Quoted for emphasis.

[candle23]

Ouh shit. Unfortnunatly I'm a good guy too, but after reading this I decided that I need to stop being a good guy, which I can't..

Tell me what exactly you did to turn "bad"
I'll just try it, for few weeks like you.. It will probably be really hard, but yah I must..

Start with taking these gay quotes out of your sig. "I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed"?!?!

[WonderMan]

:/ What's wrong with them

[Yggdrasil]

To clarify: I use the word you in the generic and not in the personal sense here:

"The worst way to miss someone is to have them sitting right next to you and know you can never have them"
Sounds like you're a crybaby.

"Trying to forget someone you love is like trying to remember someone you never knew"
Sounds like you have no backbone.

"Meeting you was fate, becoming your friend was a choice, but falling in love with you was beyond my control"
Sounds like you're hopelessly romantic.

"Why am I afraid to lose you when you aren't even mine?"
Sounds like you have a lack of self esteem.

"I swear I'd rip my heart out if you said you'd be impressed"
Sounds like you never gave a woman a good time.

[vashti]

:/ What's wrong with them

They are very sappy. They induce a gag reflex/ You wear your heart on your sleeve, don't you? This is a very bad idea.

[candle23]

:/ What's wrong with them

These quotes are lady-repellents. They give the impression that you're freshly jaded or trapped in unrequited love. Don't give these leave-me-alone-to-get-over-my-heartache vibes in real life!