Do you consider this cheating?

[XRatedRockstar2]

I am married. My husband said he "spilled" something on our phone bill reciept- although it wasn't stained.. looked like someone had taken their finger or eraser and scrubbed the numbers off. I could make out that there was someone my husband talked to for over an hour really late at night which is unusual. I created an online billing account and read to see who he was talkin to this late at night. turns out he called a local singles hotline called Quest (im sure you've seen the commericals really late at night for it).. Well, he talked for 48 mins from his phone, then turned around 1 min later and called from my phone for another 20 minutes or so. This has been the first thing remotely close to cheating that I know about. And he doesn't really have time to cheat on me because he works a mile away and I show up from work at different times of the day everyday so he's never really sure when I'll be 100% gone. Before this happened the other day- we had a wonderful relationship of 2 years of being married on august 18 (the one coming up in a few weeks), plus another year and a half of dating before that. I considered him my best friend, and I could tell him anything, and up until I found out, I thought he felt the same. Also, when I brought it up today. He said "I was just listening to all the crazy people on there". But I don't think he'd only be "listening" when he was on there for over an hour total. He's almost 23..He's alot more mature than most guys his age. He works hard, pays bills, doesnt drink, doesn't use drugs.. He's a really great guy until this came up.
I just talked to him a little on his break about it. I told him I'd like the complete truth and if not, I'm going to leave if I dont get some straight answers.. Because I have been 12322434% faithful, and I don't deal with cheaters.
He basically said he was bored one night after he got off work, and that he just flirted with a few girls and he had never taken it farther than that. He swears on his dead fathers grave that that was all he had did, and the only time he had ever done it. I asked if he was satisfied, and completely happy with me. He agreed he was. I trusted him with my life- like no man before. I really believe in my heart that we were meant for each other. I may be young, but I wouldn't have married him if I wasn't 1000% sure of it. I don't believe in divorce. This recent accident has just completely thrown off my judgement of him, and how I feel. He was my best friend, I could tell him anything, and him like wise. I geniunely felt that he was being 100% honest before. But after this.. I just have my doubts about everything. Am I over reacting? Do I have a reason to be this hurt inside? I just need advice. I am willing to forgive him this ONE time, but if it happens again, I will be signing divorce papers. I am planning on having a talk with him later on when he gets off. I just need to feel justified in my anger about this whole sitituation.

[IndiReloaded]

He erased the calls? Its not like you can't just call the phone company and have them mail you a copy.

ROFL. Aren't men just cute sometimes the stupid stuff they make up?

Do you always threaten divorce when you want something from your husband? Yikes.

Tell him to post here. Its free. Sounds like he might have some stuff to get out about his marriage.

[Mish]

Sounds like you married too young. Sometimes when people marry young they wonder what it could have been like if they were still free, experiences they could have had if they didn't settle down so early. Just bear this in mind when you talk to him.

[XRatedRockstar2]

He erased the calls? Its not like you can't just call the phone company and have them mail you a copy.

ROFL. Aren't men just cute sometimes the stupid stuff they make up?

Do you always threaten divorce when you want something from your husband? Yikes.

Tell him to post here. Its free. Sounds like he might have some stuff to get out about his marriage.

No, I do not threaten divorce. I just said, if I forgive him this time, and he betrays me again like this, I will consider it. I just need him to be completely honest, and get the point that I'm not playing around.

[Yggdrasil]

Hmmm... well... I wouldn't call it cheating, but I definitely would say alarm bells are ringing.

To my experience, once a partner (male or female, doesn't matter, that's why I use the word partner) starts looking for certain things somewhere else, it usualy indicates that person is not getting what he's looking for from his or her partner.

This could be an emotional need, an intelectual need, a sexual need or any other need one can think of.

That's where I would start looking. Maybe he's missing something in his relation with you, like for example flirting, or romance, or just chatting. I don't know, because I only hear your side of the story.

However: don't forget, it takes two to make a marriage work, and you are part of those two.

Here's a suggestion: flirt a little with him over the phone or so.. see how he reacts. Maybe that's all he needs....

[XRatedRockstar2]

that's basically what he said in our conversation we just had.

We just had a brief talk on his lunch break. I think we have gotten to the core of the problem. I told him I needed to know WHY he did this. He said he was curious, like someone said on here earlier. I asked him if he thinks we got married too young and such and he said no. I then asked what he needed from ME to be completely satisfied and not "curious". He said that sometimes I make him feel bad for watching porn and masturbating. And that I admit, when we were first together it shocked me and made me feel like I was satisfying him, but lately, (within the last year or so), I have gotten over feeling that way, and accepted it as human nature to masturbate/ watch porn. He said he knows what he did was wrong, and that is why he tried to cover it up. He said that as soon as he called this number, that he felt bad. He felt so terrible yesterday about me finding out, that this morning there was a dozen long stem roses on the table for me. But roses cannont help the matters at all right now.

I don't have a vast network of friends, and I just need to get others feelings about this. Comments? Advice?

[Yggdrasil]

He said he knows what he did was wrong, and that is why he tried to cover it up. He said that as soon as he called this number, that he felt bad.

I am calling bullshit. If he felt that bad, why was he on the phone for an entire hour? Yeah, he must have felt realy realy realy bad about it....

BULLSHIT.

He's feeling bad that you found out.. that he got caught.

[XRatedRockstar2]

But in our conversation, he said he felt bad for even calling and he said he didn't tell me so it didn't hurt my feelings.. and so I didin't feel inadequate, etc. He said he felt so stupid for even doing it, and he said he was retarded (which he used this word very frequently in a matter of 30 mins). I don't want to be too hard on him, but I also dont want him to walk all over me and think that this is okay.

[Yggdrasil]

Well.. ask him if he felt bad as soon as he called the number (his words), why he spend so much time on there?

I bet he's gona have a great excuse.

Common doll, nobody is THAT gullible.

[XRatedRockstar2]

K, will do. He should be calling me in about 30 minutes on his break at work.. I'll ask him and see what I can find out. I don't want to leave him, but then I want to make completely certain that he isn't going to do this again. Because the last thing I want is to be one of those stupid girls that stays with a loser that cheats on them.

[XRatedRockstar2]

Well, and also I forgot to mention, (I think... I might have already said it).. He finally told me that he was curious... and that he indeed flirted with other girls but he swore on his dead fathers grave that that is all he did. and he said that was the first and only time (and it is the only time, because I looked on the phone bill, and a few phone bills before that)

[Yggdrasil]

I swear on my dead fathers grave that I never ever will have another breath of air.

(as you can see, swearing on whatever, doesn't mean it's true)...

Don't get me wrong, I am not saying he's a bad person or so.. I am saying: his story doesn't add up... for all you know (not wanting to create paranoia here) he's now using a prepaid cell phone.

Do you know? Because I sure as hell don't.. and you neither... cause you can't read his mind. All you have is his word.

The rest is trust.. and well.. he broke that trust. That's a BIG issue.

Isn't that what's bothering you, deep down??

Frankly, I made a few serious booboos during my life (nothing to do with cheating, just stuppid shit). I never hid it from my wife. I was scared shitless she'd rip my head off, but I told her.