Do you consider this cheating?

[XRatedRockstar2]

I am married. My husband said he "spilled" something on our phone bill reciept- although it wasn't stained.. looked like someone had taken their finger or eraser and scrubbed the numbers off. I could make out that there was someone my husband talked to for over an hour really late at night which is unusual. I created an online billing account and read to see who he was talkin to this late at night. turns out he called a local singles hotline called Quest (im sure you've seen the commericals really late at night for it).. Well, he talked for 48 mins from his phone, then turned around 1 min later and called from my phone for another 20 minutes or so. This has been the first thing remotely close to cheating that I know about. And he doesn't really have time to cheat on me because he works a mile away and I show up from work at different times of the day everyday so he's never really sure when I'll be 100% gone. Before this happened the other day- we had a wonderful relationship of 2 years of being married on august 18 (the one coming up in a few weeks), plus another year and a half of dating before that. I considered him my best friend, and I could tell him anything, and up until I found out, I thought he felt the same. Also, when I brought it up today. He said "I was just listening to all the crazy people on there". But I don't think he'd only be "listening" when he was on there for over an hour total. He's almost 23..He's alot more mature than most guys his age. He works hard, pays bills, doesnt drink, doesn't use drugs.. He's a really great guy until this came up.
I just talked to him a little on his break about it. I told him I'd like the complete truth and if not, I'm going to leave if I dont get some straight answers.. Because I have been 12322434% faithful, and I don't deal with cheaters.
He basically said he was bored one night after he got off work, and that he just flirted with a few girls and he had never taken it farther than that. He swears on his dead fathers grave that that was all he had did, and the only time he had ever done it. I asked if he was satisfied, and completely happy with me. He agreed he was. I trusted him with my life- like no man before. I really believe in my heart that we were meant for each other. I may be young, but I wouldn't have married him if I wasn't 1000% sure of it. I don't believe in divorce. This recent accident has just completely thrown off my judgement of him, and how I feel. He was my best friend, I could tell him anything, and him like wise. I geniunely felt that he was being 100% honest before. But after this.. I just have my doubts about everything. Am I over reacting? Do I have a reason to be this hurt inside? I just need advice. I am willing to forgive him this ONE time, but if it happens again, I will be signing divorce papers. I am planning on having a talk with him later on when he gets off. I just need to feel justified in my anger about this whole sitituation.

[IndiReloaded]

Probably only need one thread about this, doll.

[XRatedRockstar2]

well, I wanted a guys opinion, and also females opinions

[bloodtippedrose]

cheating im not so sure but I sure wouldnt be a happy camper. Ask yourself why he's doing it. Does he have insecurities about himself or are you not getting down and dirty often enough?

[bluesummer]

Not cheating, but a definite warning sign. If he's so happy with you, why does he need to go flirt with other women on phone chats? It starts innocent, and then usually progresses. Let him know that an incident like this is not healthy for your relationship and will not be tolerated in the future.

[moonfairy_2002]

[QUOTE=bluesummer;482971]Not cheating, but a definite warning sign. =QUOTE]

23 is too young for a man to get married PERIOD! I dont care what excuse you can come up with about him being "mature for his age". BS!
He's calling hotlines because he is fantising about being single and playing the field. And in his mind he can say "its not really cheating, it's not like im having sex with them." Dont let this behavior escalate. do what bluesummer says and nip it in the bud!

[_bebedreams]

i honestly think your over reacting a little bit. ONLY because i don't think that he was cheating but he was probably watching tv and wanted to check it out while he was bored and you weren't around to make him.............. you know

[girl68]

I disagree with the aboive poster 100%.

You are not over re acting in fact, I think you reacted just fine. Confronted, asked, and is now weary. Curious or not- calling intimate chat lines is staright up in appropriate.

I can almost gaurentee that had she been in online sex chat rooms (don't be stupid, and naive and think talking to strangers on the phone in the middle of the night with grils scanildy dressed in commercials is innocent "water cooler" chat) "being bored" and just reading all the "crazy people" in there- her husband would have a HUUUUGE problem with that. The idea is the same, the reactions would be mirrored.

Perhaps he was curious, perhaps... make it known that this curiosity is NOT okay, nor appropriate, nor will it happen again. I think you've done this.

To ensure that this doesn't happen, I would keep checking the phone bills. I'm sorry but he has temporarily forfeigted his right to privacy at this point.

Finally have a confess all talk. Don't accuse during this time. Ask him why, ask him how he'd feel in the similar situatuion I described above. Ask him if he can respect these boundries. Ask him if he understands how this could hurt you/ make you not trust him. Lastly ask him if there is anything you can do to imporve your marriage.

Hope that helps.