Cheating

[Kyi114]

My boyfriend and I had been having some problems for a few weeks; I spent a lot of time with his best friend when ever we got into disagreements because no one knew my boyfriend better. It usually helped and I was able to see things from his perspective but we would eventually fight about something again and one night after we had our worst fight I cheated on him with his friend. I didn’t have sex with him, but we still went too far. I told my boyfriend about it the next day, his initial reaction was that he didn’t want to break up; he said he still wanted to be with me but that he really needed some space. However the next day he called me to say that we needed to talk and when I met him later on he broke up with me. It has been two weeks now, we’ve talked to each other and we are still friends, but he told me that he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to get over what happened even though he loves me he says that the trust is gone, and he’s not sure he wants to risk trying to get it back because we’ll both be getting hurt all over again if things don’t work out. He said there is still a chance for us, but that I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

I know what I did was wrong, I wont make excuses for it, but I do really love him and I want to try and work things out, what can I do to start to regain his trust?

[girl68]

nothing, because not only did you break his trust you (and the bff) broke the friendship trust too.

perhaps the only thing you can do when he chooses if he would like to get back together is show him how you can have arguments and you maintain your cool. you obviously need to find better ways than to run off into another mans arms.

[FullofSighs]

Yeah, you shouldn't be going to another guy for advice just cuz he knows him well, go to one of your girlfriends and get help. even just telling them they story can help a lot even if no advice is given.

But what you can do is try to reassure him you won't ever cheat on him again and that you do love him. And that cheating on him was the stupidest thing you have ever done. But even then that may not work. it will take time probably a lot of time to regain his trust back. If you show that you can wait maybe that will help too

[flea]

sorry to tell you, but you're done.

his best friend? how would you react if he went 'too far' with your best friend over an argument? is telling him about it supposed to make you trustworthy again?

sorry, I don't mean to attack you, but trust is NOT one of those things that come back if you set it free...

[doppelgaenger]

His best friend is lucky that his jaw is still attached to his skull, haha.

I'm curious Kyi, why did you cheat?

[MDavis454]

Ya i'm sure no one here means to just shut you down but you definately messed up. In my opinion all you can do is stay friends. you've obviously talked to him about the personal aspect of the situation and he knows how you feel. what you should do now is stay a part of his life and try to rekindle the feelings he had for you.. stay away from other guys in that time if he means a lot to you

[NBT]

My boyfriend and I had been having some problems for a few weeks; I spent a lot of time with his best friend when ever we got into disagreements because no one knew my boyfriend better. It usually helped and I was able to see things from his perspective but we would eventually fight about something again and one night after we had our worst fight I cheated on him with his friend. I didn’t have sex with him, but we still went too far. I told my boyfriend about it the next day, his initial reaction was that he didn’t want to break up; he said he still wanted to be with me but that he really needed some space. However the next day he called me to say that we needed to talk and when I met him later on he broke up with me. It has been two weeks now, we’ve talked to each other and we are still friends, but he told me that he’s not sure he’ll ever be able to get over what happened even though he loves me he says that the trust is gone, and he’s not sure he wants to risk trying to get it back because we’ll both be getting hurt all over again if things don’t work out. He said there is still a chance for us, but that I shouldn’t get my hopes up.

I know what I did was wrong, I wont make excuses for it, but I do really love him and I want to try and work things out, what can I do to start to regain his trust?

In other words, you sucked him off.

But anyway, getting back to the point, if you guys ARGUED ALL THE TIME, to the point where you had to see his friend THAT OFTEN, why do you even WANNA be with the dude? What, now that you cheated, that's suddenly your ONLY ISSUE? No. Once this passes (IF it does) what about the things you used to fight with him about in the FIRST place? Think about that.

Secondly, couldn't you just talk to this guy on the PHONE? Did you HAVE to see him IN PERSON everytime? I mean, how do you go from saying "Mike, I just don't UNDERSTAND Jeff. Why is he like this?" to dropping your HEAD in his lap? I mean, NOT to sound CRASS, but I just don't see how ONE would lead to the OTHER, unless you WANTED it to.

[davidtorres]

stupid slu*. yup , you deserved it.

[Gigabitch]

Good Lord, woman, what the hell were you thinking, going to his friend for advice? That was a stupid, destructive thing to do, even if you hadn't "gone too far" (see: fire, gasoline).

If I were your ex, I could never, never trust you again. Learn your lesson, cut your losses and move on.

[Primo]

Yep, going to the friend for insight, advice or to be consoled is a recipe for disaster :-P

Not sure how long you two were dating, but unless you were deeply involved for a long period of time it's over.