Relationships - 2nd time round

[Lava_twilight]

Shoot me down in flames if you want guys and girls....

But after the last few days, long long conversations, tears & talks, my Ex and I have decided to give it another go. I can't explain why, I (and he) feels like we just need to do this. Yes, he did get himself another girl during our break, but, having heard everything he has to say & seeing his sincerity, we are going to take it slow and see what happens. Neither of us are jumping feet in, just take each day as it comes.

I do love him, which is why I need to see it first hand if this will work out. If it doesn't, then I know that we did all we could. I know it will bother me knowing that they slept together...but I guess I can't have that as an issue when we are working on making our relationship start fresh. It's done & arguments about it will not make things work if we are both starting anew together....x So, I'll probably just rant on here instead if it does get to me

[Carmen]

Hope the best for you. Hope you both learned things about yourselves and each other and can go back into it without past issues. It'll take a lot but if you really do love each other and want it to last you have to let old issues go and focus on the present/future. I know it can be hard knowing that he slept with someone else but maybe that is what he needed to realize it is you he wants...Know that bringing this up will only hurt your relationship. Let him know how you feel about it once, don't bring it up every time you feel emotional--you don't want to go through a break up again. Have respect for him but also make sure he respects you. Don't let him think that he can leave with someone else whenever you guys are not doing well--he has to want to commit to the relationship as much as you do.

[Lava_twilight]

Thanks Carmen, I will bare that in mind to keep it under wraps. I can see myself bringing it up every time (thats the kinda gal I am). He saw me last night loose it a little when we were talking about him and her, he saw the tears & pain I went through. Equally, I saw how sorry he was & how bad he felt about it all. He admitted that he got with her, as he was lonely & needed to replace me as soon as possible, he never for one moment thought we would get back together - so didn't think of the consequences...x I've learned quite a lot now, now I have my own social life, I won't be so tempted to keep us both under lock and key so nothing can split us. I now know what would drive him away, and I'm damned sure I'm going to give it 100% also, not to be a demanding miserable old b*tch lol xxx It takes two, and I think we will be ok xxx

He knows that if he does anything questionable, even in the slightest, he will loose me forever. We're talking about in a few months him moving back in with me, which would mean him quitting his job & leaving everything behind - but he wants to do that if it makes us work. xxx If he does anything, he will get kicked out!

[Lava_twilight]

Hey guys x

Been back together a few days now, things are going real great. Except for one thing. This girl he had a fling with is driving us nuts. She constantly rings, texts & tries to come visit. He's made it very clear that he wants nothing more to do with her - but she's totally on my guys case. Hows best to deal with it? I've heard her sobbing down the phone saying how much she loves him, needs him, life isn't the same anymore....geez, they were only 'together' a month?!

We want to start concentrating on our relationship now, & this is going to end up causing wars. He doesn't want to hurt her, but I think if it carries on I might have to say something, what do you think? But I fear that might cause an argument between us....

:-s

[SS Gal]

He needs to put his foot down and tell her in no uncertain terms that he is back with you and she is to not contact him any more. It seems obvious that he would already know that he can't be talking to her when he is trying to make it work with you, but sometimes guys are dense. Let him know that her contacting him upsets you. If he truly does love you and want to make it work then he won't want this matter to upset you anymore than it already has. The key will be to sit him down and be nice about it. No yelling, screaming, etc. Remember...you get more with sugar than you do vinegar. Good luck.

[Lava_twilight]

Thanks SS x Trouble is, she works for the same company and has to call him throughout the day. We've agreed that him working there will happen if it is only work related convos, but all day she sends him personal messages wanting to meet him when he gets back to the yard etc. He's shown me these messages so I don't question him one bit, but its starting to drive me a little bit mad if I'm honest. x She still sees him during the day, but he's mentioned totally changing his job if and when he moves back in with me. I'd be very happy for that - but we want to see if it would work first xx

[SS Gal]

Wow. That's a bad spot to be in. Good reason to never date a co-worker!! I can totally understand your frustration. If when she calls and it's personal and he tells her he can't talk...and ignores her texts and other messages, she will eventually give up. No telling how long that may take though. Try to be patient, it does sound like he's making the effort, especially when he shows you the messages. If nothing else, is it possible to meet him at work for lunch or something where she will see you and him together and see that you are really together?

[Lava_twilight]

We work too far apart to do that, but that would have been a good idea She knows for sure we are back together, as my route home crosses the path of hers. We were sitting opposite each other in traffic last night & she sat there waving to me like I was her best friend.... :/ (not sure if the girl is the full ticket tbh!) haha x

She knows I'm staying at our flat as I live totally in the opposite direction to where she sees me heading...trouble is, he feels real bad being nasty to her & says it isn't her fault. I agree in a way, but she's not getting the idea and still texts him long messages saying how amazing their time was together (?? they didn't do anything other than get it on!). She's very young, 20 so 8 years younger than me...which explains her actions...but pah.

[Lava_twilight]

Good reason to never date a co-worker!!

I know! My ex husband worked for the same office as me, except field sales....he eventually left me for his secretary....

[Rob36]

I think its great that the two of you are giving it another go,and from what you have said (can only judge it on that) he sounds honest and genuine so i do think the two of can make it work

As for this other girl,it isnt his fault about the way shes acting.Rise above it,she will get over it eventually,we all do

Good luck to you both

Rob

[Lava_twilight]

Thanks Rob, I really hope so xx She's the original reason we split up & I can't help the feeling of building anger as she is trying to get him again....will just have to contain it for fear of starting a big row - or stabbing her - whatever comes first hehe xx

I will Rob, i'll rise above it. I know it isn't his fault shes acting like this now, I know it was his fault what happened previously - but that's all been dealt with. xxx

[Rob36]

No relationship is perfect,we all have things we have to fight for,wade through or just let go

Anger,for both sides,ie yours and the other woman is normal,we all have a jealous streak and hate the thought of the person that we love being with someone else.Weve all of us been in that situation

Again though,i do think both you and him have been through pain,and the simple fact that you are now back together speaks volumes.You both think what you have is worth something and worth fighting for,and to try and put negative feelings aside

Wish you both nothing but the best

[CocoChanel]

Good Luck Lava! <333

[Lava_twilight]

I think I need serious help. I'm loosing the plot and have noone to turn to. Since I got back with my ex all my friends have stopped talking to me as they think it was a wrong decision.

He's told me he doesn't want to be in a relationship with me now. He can't decide who he wants. Everytime we are together things feel so different, he's not willing to stop talking to her in case things don't work out with us, and I can't take it. We had a row & I said I needed him to just want me - but he doesn't know if that is what he wants. My head is such a mess - one minute he says I'm what he wants and needs, the next he's calling her. I know I should just walk away but i can't. I want to stick by him till his head is clear & be there for him but I can't all the while I'm messed up. i feel like I'm acting desperate around him, but I can't stop myself.

I just want this mess sorted, but he doesn't want to talk about anything - I know he is acting unfairly, but I cannot walk away. I've never felt like this with someone before...help

[Lava_twilight]

I just called him. I told him, if he wants to be with her, then go for it. I said if it all falls through not to even consider contacting me to get back - I'm not a piece of sh*t that can be walked all over. I told him this is goodbye - he said he's very sorry for everything that has happened & wishes me well. I tried so hard not to crack - but I'm in bits now. I changed my mobile number, deleted his number off my phone & have deleted my Facebook account....

Now begins the healing....

F*ck.