Here's my story...sorry if its too long but a lot has happened. My ex and I dated for a
little over a year. I'm 28 and she's 26. We both loved each other so much and always
talked about getting married and having kids. We had our ups and downs like any
relationship and even "broke up" a few times before, but always got back together
within days. Well, we had a huge argument in July this year and I snapped and broke up
with her...it was a pretty ugly break up. Here's where the problem is: we both work in
the same department, so it's hard to avoid eachother. But we didn't speak to each other
for 2 months. That whole time I was waiting on her to come to me...when she didn't come
I considered that she didn't care anymore and finally confronted her about it. I called
her up in tears and accused her of not caring about me, begged her to forgive me, asked
for her to take me back, and everything else. It didn't go so well (that was before I
learned about the "no contact" method). Later that night I drove to her house and
tried to get her to come out but she wouldn't. So I got back in my car and waited for
about 2 hours, texting her to come out and she never would. I left a nasty voicemail
which ended with me crying and accused her of lying about loving me for a year.
The next day she texted me saying that I was acting like a crazy person and that I
wasn't the same guy she fell in love with and that after all the negative things that I
said about her, that she does NOT want to be in a relationship with me anymore. I got
more upset and said more bad things about her. The day after that, I came to my senses
and tried to fix everything. I bought flowers and had them delivered. She sent a text
with simply "thank you." After a week, I called her up crying again and asking for her
back. She said something along the lines of the flowers were a nice thought but it
won't fix anything. I got offended because I had tried everything and nothing worked
and asked what does she want me to do. She said she needs space and that I need to
respect that. So I left her alone...several hours later she texts "maybe we can hangout
sometime as friends." I said ok to that...first good sign in 2 months.
A week later, I sent her more flowers (bigger) and included a letter explaining all my
feelings and basically poured my heart out in it...even included some pictures from
some of our good times out. Later that night after work she sent a text saying she read
the letter and understood everything I was saying but that I took her for granted and
that she needs time to think about what's best for her. That made me even more sad...it
was really depressing. Then, I looked online for help and bought an
ebook. It recommended that I arrange a short outing with her as friends
and talk about things that aren't related to our relationship. But before that it
recommends at least a month of no contact. Since we had already gone
two months without talking, I started with the short outing. We met up 2 weeks ago for
Sunday coffee and had a nice chat about what we have both been up to. I also commented on
the way she looks now, she has been working out almost every night since we broke up and
is taking a Brazilian Jui-Jitsu class. After an hour she said she had to go and I needed to
also, so we thanked each other and said goodbye. I took that as a good thing because it
was the first time we talked in a long time without arguing. She talked to me at work the
rest of the week and I saw it as a good sign and I started dressing differently with a new
wardrobe (more of the style she liked to see me in when we were together).
So, with things going well in my mind, this past Sunday I asked her if she wanted to
come over and talk, or somewhere else. She replied that she was too busy organizing her
closet for Fall and cleaning up. I said ok no big deal. Later that night she texted me
saying she wants the Xbox back that she bought me for Christmas last year because she
wants to sell it and buy a computer. I was completely surprised by that text and told
her I thought it was a rude gesture. She didn't understand why I would get offended by
it and I responded that I'm not trying to sell any of her things. Its like if I asked
for all the purses I bought her so I could sell them and buy a new TV, LOL. She said
she asked me because I told her I haven't used it since we broke up, which is true. But
that didn't mean I will never use it again...I've been too busy for games. I also
reminded her that I bought her a computer when we were still together and that if she
would take me back she would have it (it was at my house the day we broke up so I still
have it). I finally asked if she wanted it back and she said yes and that I should've
offered it to her last week when we met for coffee because she said she needed a
computer then too. I apologized and I am bringing the computer to work today.
So after a little more arguing that night I found out that in the 2 months that we
didn't talk to each other, she was waiting on me...and I was waiting on her. Now
another month has gone by since our break up, so now it's been 3 months total. I told
her I was sorry about that, as I have many times already. We argued a little more about
other things and she hung up on me and I sent her a few texts accusing her of not
caring about me and only thinking about herself and that I don't even wanna be her
friend anymore and that I changed my mind about giving her the computer. She called me
back and asked why do I always do that and that is one of the reasons she doesn't wanna
be with me. Because I always say bad things about her and then try to fix things and
pretend it never happened (her words). I tried to explain to her the way I feel and the
reason why I say the things I do...because i'm hurting and it doesn't appear that she
feels the same way. She said she does feel the same especially now that Halloween is
coming up and Christmas because we were together around this time last year and it was
great. That made me feel a lot better and it shows that she still cares about me...at
least a little bit.
I really don't know what to do about this situation. I want her back so bad...but I
don't want to be friends with her if I can't be in a relationship with her...it would
be too hard on me. I told her that and she said we have to start over because we messed
it up. I understand that, but I just don't get why it's so hard to get through to her
and why she's not as willing to try again like me. I also don't understand how someone
can claim to love you so much and say they want to spend the rest of their life with
you and then when you screw something up, they change their mind as if the time
together didn't mean anything. I fear that she is scared to try because she thinks it
will just happen all over again. I also fear that she will find someone else and that
I'll lose her forever. I'm all out of ideas. I'm not giving up though...far from it. I
just don't know what to do next because she's being unneccesarily stubborn. Or should I consider
starting over and trying the no contact method again (since I didn't start out properly). Working together
and seeing each other every day just makes it difficult. And I'm in a management position
so I'm not quitting anytime soon, lol. Any advice would be greatly appreciated!