Another lost soul needing help!

[tmd2008]

Folks....its a long one but please read and be honest

We were together for 2 years. Im 9 years older. She was 20 when we met. We both work at the same place and work for the Police.

Things were going well for us for 18 months until she went horse racing with some of her mates. Usually every day, we would text loads and speak at least 4 or 5 times but on this day she didn’t contact me at all so i rang her but no answer, a while later i rang again. Probably 3 times. Later that night she rang me and seemed a little angry that i kept ringing her. She came to mine that night and was real distant. We didn’t really speak. The next day we went away for the weekend with her parants. She was real off with me and kept snapping . we had a chat but she said she didn’t know what was wrong. I couldn’t stand the atmosphere so i went. I had a feeling something might have happened on the horse racing day. By the time i got home ( 100 miles ) I felt so bad for going i rang her. She said she didn’t want to speak to me. We didn’t speak for the next day. The following day i went out with work, and towards the end she turned up. She was still real off with me. I was drunk and we had an argument and she said we were over. I was gutted and close to tears.......i went to my car and drove home  I know i know.....i was just sooooo angry i didn’t think straight. She found out about this and kept ringing me but my phone was off. The following morning she was to fly to Canada. I turned my phone on and saw the missed calls (25)...then she rings me. She “just wanted to make sure i was ok”. She was real disappointed that i drove home and she made it clear. She said she wanted nothing to do with me because of it.....1 week later she returned and she said that we were over. A few days later she rings me and we sort things out. About 2 months later i went out with work and got seriously drunk...so much so i ended up in hospital and almost got arrested...the only reason i didn’t is the officers knew me! She heard about this and was furious saying that i have disgraced myself, my job and her.....she was soo sooo angry and she ended it saying she never wanted to see me again! I tried to talk to her, text her , send letters etc but she refused to have me back. I admit the 2 incidents i mentioned are real bad but i thought we could speak about it and work on things. Anyway, a few weeks pass....im in a real mess, im so sad and upset, i cant get her out of my mind, im not eating sleeping, im losing weight. Ive tried everything to get her back. I text her and ask to meet, as everything we had done since that night had been on the phone. I go to hers and we speak. I pour my heart out. She said that she thinks about me all the time, misses me all the time but cant go out with me as she said its not fair on me as she cant give 100 percent to the relationship! I leave close to tears and stop all contact. About 1 week later she texts asking if i was ok. I keep it nice and reply that im fine. We have a brief text chat and she said that “ if its any consolation shes sitting on her own unhappy too”. I tell her it doesn’t have to be that way but she said “ Lets not go through it all again”

Do you think i have any chance of winning her back? I love her so so much and i know she loves me. I know ive hurt her with the things that ive done but im willing to change to have her back. Why did she text me if she doesn’t want me???

Im going out of my mind here so any constructive advice would be appreciated

[RonHH]

Hi, I feel there is something missing here. There is something or someone in her life that you don't know about. You may want to just set back and see what comes up.
Something will. Your the closest one to her so your going to be the first one to catch hell for it. I don't see anything you have done to have her react the way she is doing.
And if she is not willing to talk to you about it you will just have to wait until she eather talks or someone tells you whats going on.
Good luck and let us know.

[tmd2008]

RonHH,

I totally agree with how i made her feel. She is so proud of our jobs. Its all she has ever wanted to be, so i can see it from her point of view

My mates think i may smothered her by ringing and texting all the time. She will do the same with me though?

They think maybe she wants to be able to act single, but then have me there when she wants a boyfriend?

The fact she said she cant commit to the relationship 100 percent still confuses me

[Primo]

Something obviously changed, or something changed her mind on horse racing day. If she's not going to be open with you about what happened, or what epiphany she had, then you have to find the strength to walk away.

Stay away from the booze, I've seen it ruin some good careers in law enforcement.