Girlfriend doesn't like to be intimate

[girl68]

Yes people can have no desire whatsoever. And the only time relationships with those people work is if you both are. You are not. It will not work.

[Gigabitch]

If you both believe in no sex before marriage, then I think she's more committed to it than you are. You want to go halfway there whereas she doesn't even want to start what she's not willing to finish. From each other's perspective, you're both being unreasonable.

Either marry her or move on. She's not going to pet your thigh.

[wizardox]

she's too self conscious. an adult beverage should ease her up. But from the way you makin her out to be, i'm guessing she's against alcohol. dude 4 years and she won't let u go pass kissing? i think there is something wrong on her end. Imagine if u guys get marry. U'll be lucky to even have sex once a month.

Yes, you are right. She is strongly against alcohol and I am sure she won't drink an adult beverage. And I thought an adult beverage is for people who are in their 40s?

So everyone's first time come through having the both of you drunk? Other than alcohol, any other scenarios?

[flea]

Other than alcohol, any other scenarios?

are you asking us how to trick her into shagging you? that's not the way you want this to go....it should be a mutual, loving thing.

I think Giga is right, go her way or go yours. it sounds to me like you both want to tread different paths.

[hopefulunsure]

To my mind, even if you get her to go "half way" you're on a losing path... lets fast forward a few months/years and you are happily petting away... apart from the fact you'll have a noticeably larger right wrist than left, I doubt from what you have said that you are going to have the marital sexlife you'll want. And that, my friend, is a whole world of disappointment and resentment that will almost defo cost you dearly in lawyers fees.

This girl has the right to be and do what she wants. You clearly want more. You also owe it to yourself to have more, it's your life and your experiences. Don't let anyone tell you any differently.

[wizardox]

are you asking us how to trick her into shagging you? that's not the way you want this to go....it should be a mutual, loving thing.

I think Giga is right, go her way or go yours. it sounds to me like you both want to tread different paths.

I mean other kind of first time that people encounter. As in the story of your first time experience. Not tricking her. I will never resort to tricking her because I like her a lot. It is inmoral to trick my own girlfriend!

[qwertz]

In some of my random attempts to ask her, she ever told me she has NO desires at all. Seriously, girls out there, do you all really can have no desires? I didn't mention the word sexual desires. I just asked if she ever had desires before since she doesn't masturbates. But she said she has never felt that. At first, I thought maybe girls are not as horny as the men are. I just replied her with a joke that she could be the best priest or nun or sister ever. It could be quite impressive she really has no desires.

.

Im a woman and have many many desires...just like most other women..she either is sticking by her 'no sex before marriage' and doesnt wanna start what she cant finish or she has no desires at all..but for me, i had desires even when i was a virgin- she does sound like she wont exactly fulfill your needs even when married..cause once youve done it once you will want it again and again and again.

[Rhonda]

Intimacy in a relationship (not necessarily sex) is very important. Her constent rejection is obviously affecting your self esteem so it is time to move on. While I respect the fact that you realize she has problems and are trying to work it out, it can't always be about her. She has flat out told you she has no physical desires so now it's up to you to accept that and move onto someone who wants to be close to you.

[flea]

I mean other kind of first time that people encounter. As in the story of your first time experience. Not tricking her. I will never resort to tricking her because I like her a lot. It is inmoral to trick my own girlfriend!

hehe that wasn't my first experience, I was just generalising.

I think you know what you need to do here. it will be heartbreaking, but when the dust settles I believe you'll have done the right thing for both of you.

[LatinoItaliano]

Communication is key.

Without communication, a relationship will always fail! That's just a plain fact. Without clear communication to the brain, our legs will not walk; our arms will not move; our fingers will not grasp objects; our eyes will not move. We'll die if we lose communcation with our brain!

COMMUNICATION IS KEY!

If she cannot *relate* (that's what RELATionships are all about) to your physical desires, then you're simply not meant for each other.

Communication happens when both actually care for each other. Apparently, she doesn't care about you enough to actually tell you why she doesn't want to go further. If she wanted to wait until marriage, then why doesn't she COMMUNICATE that to you?

That's the only part I'd be frustrated about, concerning this issue; and this has gone on for *four years* without ever being cleared up?

You've got to do something soon, or else this is just going to drain you and it's a total waste of time. I'd suggest seeking relationship counseling, as well. Even if she doesn't want to go, then you go by yourself and see if the counselor has heard of such things before. Her not wanting to go could also be a clear indicator that she truly doesn't care about you, since she doesn't want to fix this problem; therefore, it's best you just leave if things do not change.

And if it's a physiological / biological problem, then she should seek medical attention to see if she can get that fixed. It's natural and totally normal to have sexual desires. Now, that doesn't mean one should be an absolute pervert, but when someone truly cares about someone else and they're physically attracted to them, they want to make love to that person... eventually.

Making love leads to reproduction and wanting to start a family. It's totally natural.

Anyway, look into doing the things spoken above... and soon! This cannot go on any longer! It seems like a waste of time!

[Okay]

I think maybe her inexperience is what makes her so unwilling to move forwards on the intimacy topic... but four years is such a long time.. You have been official boyfriend/girlfriend for four years?

I remember at first I didn't really enjoy kissing, it weirded me out a little, to the point where... I actually (LOL) considered a break up (thankfully I never went through with it). I realise now those were probably only feelings of nervousness, fear and confusion all mixed up.

After all kissing > touching > sha-bang... Sometimes things can be scary for a girl and even though logically everything is okay, it may be a tornado raging around in her head. Some people really really struggle to come out of their comfort zone. Maybe you can try other things, like offer to give her a gentle shoulder massage sometimes, can she be playful? Does she like holding hands in public etc? Because going by your description at the moment she seems kind of.. a tense person.

[rasd123]

Thanks for the info, I appreciate it.