My story

[James1388]

Im very young and nieve. I am about to graduate from college and had a great girlfriend break up with me. So we dated for roughly 1 and a half and it was awesome until she went home for summer and I stayed at school. I had a miserable summer. I was taking class and had two jobs. I was always exhausted. When we did see eachother we just saw eachother and didnt really go out with our friends because it was so rare. Then towards the end of the summer my roommate freak out and go through depression and went crazy. He was calling me for like 2 weeks telling me about the world ending. I was so scared. It really freaked me out. So she witnessed a lot of it too and is still scared of him. He moved out and I got another roommate but he still comes over because he is friends with my new roommate. Right at the end of the summer she took me on her family vacation and she and I fought like the whole time. I dont really know why. We just picked at eachother for little things. I think I was just so stressed, and on top of that while on vacation my car was flooded in a major flood (it was at home) and I had to get a new one.

So going into this school year I was a mess. She broke up with me right before school started. I sat and cried for like 4 or 5 days. Talked a little with her friends and I didnt think she was going to get back with me. But she called me up and we did. Then it was great again. But we would have fights more frequently. And over stupid things. I also found out in the whole process that she really got around before me. She was cheated on in high school 16 times or something so that messed her up. But the fact that she really got around kinda bothered me. I dont think she ever cheated on me but all of her friends are guys so I was just wierded out. Then in October she broke up with me again over a fight, I was drunk and told her that I was going home and going to bed and mad cause she wouldnt come to the same party i was at. She showed up at 3:00 am and woke me up and I was like get away from me. She cried and made a huge deal about it. (I was very mean on the phone to her although but I just wanted her to come to the party I was at). Well I waited 2 days and we got back together. Then it was ok. But she had complete control of the relationship and was very controlling of me. It was not ok for me to go out with my friends and I did not want her going out with her friends (unless the other was there). which is not ok.

But I did go out with my friends and a picture came up on facebook of me talking to another girl at a bar. She was so mad. We moved on and but we were fighting a lot. Then I went home for thanksgiving break and she did too. Everything was great before we left. But on friday, first time a drank in a while, we got in a fight over the fact that she was going to a party with a guy that she used to hook up with in high school. I was mad and dont really remember much of the conversation (since it was over the phone). On saturday she and I didnt really talk. She kinda just told me that it was over. Well I came back on sunday and tried to talk to her. I was freaking out because I didnt want it to end. I tried calling her and she told me to leave her alone. I called her friends and her brother. Everyone didnt know what was going on. I was so sad and spiralling downwards. I couldnt believe it. She even called my mom and my mom drove all the way in to calm me down. I finally found her on campus and she called campus police. They asked me to leave her alone and I left. I went home so distraught.

My mom came in and she tried to calm me down. I just couldnt believe it. I cried all night and tried to find out answers of why she was breaking it off. I texted and chatted with her friends. They didnt know though. I was so desperate. On monday I woke up and tried to go talk to her again. I lied to my mom and told her I was going to my car but went to go see her. I showed up at her door and tried to talk. She kept telling me that she wanted me to leave her alone and I was not respecting her, she also said that we probably would have gotten back together if I just respected her more. My mom showed up and took me home.

I was so distraught. I sent her one last message that was a desperate attempt to tell her I was accepting the fact but I would be there if she changed her mind. I continued to try to talk to her friends. Slowly they stopped talking to me. On monday night I was going to walk to her place drop off a chocolate chunk cookie (I do this sometimes before my fraternity meetings. I got to her door was told that campus police were going to be notified if I didnt leave. So i put the cookie down and left. I got to my meeting was so upset. I left early. I was realizing that it was really over. I went home and called her mom and appologized for everything and told her I had so much respect for her family. She told me that I would find someone and I am a good kid. I really just started to accept it. Then I went to bed.

At 445 am I woke up to two sheriffs arresting me. I spent the whole day in jail (the most messed up experience I have ever had). She had filed a restraining order against me. I dont know if she knew what she was doing or not but I can assume she did. I cried so much in jail.

I hadnt talked to her since monday morning (although sent her a message monday at about noon). I just couldnt believe she was really doing it ( i knew it was over but I didnt want it to be). It was very unfair of her to do this (although I should have controlled my emotions more).

I went to court but nothing happened because she was not told to be there. So there is another date for court. I have a charge of harassment and stalking but it was with in a 24-36 hour time window. Now I have to pay for an attorney. I have cried every day since. I try to act like it doesnt bother me and go out with my friends (which I have been doing). But it hurts me so much that she put me through this and it isnt going to be over until mid january most likely. I heard through the grapevine that she is compiling my text messages and other messages that I sent her and her friends and is really trying to press charges. The only thing she has on me, that I can remember is that I pushed her during that fight in october (last time we broke up) and that I told her recently I was going to commit suicide if she broke up with me (also text that to her best friend).

My mom hates her. She witnessed a lot of it and thinks that she is an awful person and said that I kept my composure but was just being too persistent. But now the law is involved and will decide what goes on. I am just so messed up right now because of all of this. I cannot even cry anymore. I miss her for the simple fact that she shared so much together and feel like i need a girlfriend.

I just really needed to get this out in some way. I learned so much about life in this experience. I learned that we were not right for eachother but dated because we really were attracted to eachother. I treated her like a princess and she broke my heart more ways than one. All of my friends are telling me that its good for me and I need to move on. A lot of people dont like her ( I didnt know that before we broke up). I am now trying to move on and have gone out with my friends 3 nights in a row. It has been fun but its so hard inside. I want everything to go back to the way it was but it never will. I just pray that she doesnt show up to court and everything is dismissed.

I will never forget her and I will never hate her for what she did but I have learned valuable lessons that will help me with other relationships. I just need to find that right person.

[Rosinha]

She doesn't seem to be that much of a person to be honest. When we break up with someone we need to be prepared for what might happen and deal with it, and she acted like a spoiled brat. You were obviously not in your right mind because your heart was broken, you were very persistent, and maybe you even acted a little bit crazy but getting the police involved is over-reacting in my opinion.

[James1388]

I feel a lot better about this situation and have been happier everyday since we broke though. I am praying that these charges get dropped. Love makes you do crazy things, I found that out the hard way. She was my first love and I learned so much.

[kms]

She sounds like a complete bitch. If I were with someone that long, even if things went badly toward the end, I would never file a restraining order or press charges! The only case I would do that in is if he were phyically abusive and were stalking me and trying to hurt me.

Yes, you did take it to the extreme by bothering her friends and trying to talk to her and see her on several occasions, but with the history you described, it sounds like that was what usually happened. You broke up, either she or you would contact the other, calling, showing up, texting etc, and eventually you'd get back together. I'm sure you probably thought that this time would be no different.

For sure, this is not a girl that you would want back in your life. She doesn't deserve your love and tears for the way she has callously treated you.

I do hope the courts go easy on you, but our court system tends to favor the female's side. All a girl has to do is cry out harrassment, abuse or rape and the guy gets the book thrown at him, sometimes with minimal proof. Of course, it's fantastic that our system does try to protect females, but unfortunately, that gets taken advantage of all too often.

Oh and also: go to your university's counseling center and start seeing a therapist. They can help you vent all this stuff, give you a safe place to let it all out, and you can get some unbiased feedback as well. I would strongly advise it so that you can get over this in a healthy way and not let any of it affect future relationships.