Love your bestfriend?

[Codyy]

Me and my bestfriend (I'm a guy, bestfriend is girl) have been well, bestfriends for almost 4 years now. Anyway, we're reaaaally good friends. And I've got to say, I'm a good guy, not like a lot of other guys that are dicks (you know it's true rofl). We first kissed new years of 2009, then would hang out for a lot after that, and we were going to go out but, she tells me she's scared. She says she knows that I'm perfect for her and everything, but she's scared that if we are together then if something happens we might ruin our friendship. We kinda left it after that but just recently she came over and we've been cuddling and kissing and holding hands again. What should I do?

(Theres a lot more to the story but I suppose this is a summary.)

[TheWizard]

well from the first part I'd have said you're stuck. You were in a position where you won't get to nail her but she gets all the emotional and reassurance benefits part of the relationship and she knows it. She has you wrapped around her finger. Tell me if any of this sounds familiar:

- She complains to you like you're another girlfriend
- You go out with her and she treats you like another girlfriend, talks about other guys and whatnot WITH you, asks for advice etc and you sit around wishing she would just realize you two are perfect for each other
- Uses the word friend, buddy, or brother etc in some capacity
- She talks to you constantly

The tricky thing about being in the Friend zone... and make no mistake she told you you are when she said she doesn't want to ruin the friendship... is it is really hard to get out of.

We need some more information about hwo much time has passed since she started getting touchy feely with you again. If you two were close, and then you up and disappeared for like 3 or 4 months and then came back it's the only way she could possibly see you in a new light. Tread carefully, because she's right about the friendship thing - if you go all in it can really ruin the friendship... decide what's more important.

If you DID just start hanging out again then keep the encounters romantically inclined. This means keep up the flirting, the touching and whatnot but don't be there for her every second of the day. You need to establish basically that while you are friends you're being overtly clear through your actions you want more.

It's hard to tell you more I guess without more info about what's going on but that's a gist. Do a google search for "how to get out of the friend zone" or "am I in the friend zone" and find one of the billions of articles and forums posts related to this kind of thing, and formulate your plan/decision.

EDIT: It's possible the recent displays of affection are merely circumstantial and she's looking for the comfort and reassurance that you are giving her. If this is the case you've becomes her platonic source of ego boosting, and you really are screwed in terms of having a romance.

[Codyy]

None of those. See, we live kind of far apart too, and I won't be driving for a few months but she does, so it's hard to see each other. We talk usually every day texting on the phone, don't get to see eachother like every few weeks anymore. She has had boyfriends inbetween new years and now but always tells me how they are dicks. I'm really the only guy that has stuck around. And I get told by her friends that I don't even know when I meet them that she talks about me all the time.

We've acted like we were together before I mean, there was a point where we were basically together, just didn't really have the "title."

This is weird, I have everything I want to say in my head but I just can't type it for some reason.

[TheWizard]

If it's going that way you might be in a better place than I thought, but it's still teetering close. There's a spark there I think, which is good. You need to just get that spark into a flame somehow... Women always know that they're looking for a best friend for a lover - the thing is that's not what gets their motor running. That's why they date dicks and assholes, they get the motor running. Get her motor running by being a little less available and thinking about you more. Become a bit more mysterious and have her chase you. Have to make it a game for her or she'll lose interest.

Basically if you can take the idea of what the dicks do, but still be genuine you'll find yourself in a position that works a lot better. You want to be busy, doesn't matter with what, but make it seem that your time is valuable, so that when you spend it with her she feels really special.