Found this forum through Google

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Hi everyone, this is my first post. I found the forum through Google search when I was at my lowest. Please let me tell you my story, so I can at least ease my pain. It's fairly long, so please bear with me.

It started in April 2007 when I started a serious relationship with this wonderful girl in my home country. I had had a fair share of romance before, but I knew this one was different. To be honest, I had been a 'player' but I decided to settle down for her.

To make long story short, her parents didn't approve the relationship and they were sending her to study in Australia to separate us. My family was/is not rich, unlike hers, but I asked my mum for her help. Somehow she was willing to help. My mum is gifted by having the ability to see 'the omens'. Within three months, I had everything ready to go to Australia.

Unfortunately, just before we left, we had a fight and we broke up. When I left my country, I felt so alone, because the only person I was going there for wasn't even with me anymore. I came earlier than her and had difficult times adjusting to the weather, getting flue during summer, lol.

When she came, because her sister, who had been in Australia for decades, couldn't pick her up, I was asked to pick her up at the airport. Since the second we met, I knew that love was still there. We finally got back together. It felt so magical as if we're meant for each other despite the earlier separation.

That's until I met another woman and foolishly left her for this woman. I ended up not being able to start a relationship with the other woman, but I didn't feel anything. That's when I realised it was my ex that I loved, not anyone else, and I regretted my decision to leave her.

My ex was actually still waiting for me. She would do anything to win me back. Her unbroken will was admirable. I was afraid of hurting her more so I hesitated from going back with her. However, after a lot of efforts, she finally convinced me to reestablish the relationship.

Unfortunately, due to my betrayal, we had trust issue. And at that point of time, I started to get tons of assignments and works. Instead of trying to improve the relationship, I let myself to be too occupied by work and study.

We fought about the simplest of things. She eventually couldn't take it anymore and we broke up in August 2009. It was a mutual decision but I let her made the final call, thinking I had always been dominant so I wanted her to speak for herself.

At first, I didn't feel anything. I was too occupied by study and work and I was so ambitious about having a career. I thought, the relationship was indeed not working and I would find another woman.

I was wrong. On 28 Dec 2009, I found out from my mum (whom my ex also calls 'mum', because they're so close to each others) that she's now together with another man. I was shocked. It was as if my eyes were opened and all of my mistakes to her flashed before my eyes.

I was too foolish to leave her for another woman. Too ambitious and selfish to see that it wasn't my study or work, but the most precious thing in my life was being with her. At the end of the day, I achieved academic performance that I had never imagined I would achieve. I secured a chance to live in this beautiful land, but I lost her in the process.

I asked my mum what to do. She explained to me since the beginning, she already felt my ex was 'the one' and still was at that point of time. She told me to fight to win her back because she was worth fighting for and sensed we would go back together, although it would take time.

So I did. I confessed to her about what I felt. My revelation, my regret. But she responded coldly. We had a conversation (only by email, though) about this for almost a week until finally yesterday she made it clear there is no turning back. All has been lost for me.

I always prayed, "If You know mercy and love offers redemption, please show it to me. But if You've chosen a different path for me, please give me the strength to carry on". And my prayers got answered. I feel agony, but here I am, a survivor of my own flaws.

I told my mum about my ex's decision. She was shocked and cried for me. She said it's lesson learned and I must move on. Strangely, after all these rejections, she still sensed we would be back together. For this reason, my heart still fosters the hopes that I would one day redeem myself to her. However, I would carry on with my life and open my heart to another love if I ever find one.

I know I'm the jerk and probably don't deserve her back. I just want to share my story. Feel free to shout at me saying how stupid I was, because I know it's true.

[cmacattack1]

The lesson wouldn't really hit home if she had given you another shot, would it? Try not to get your hopes up about the future, regardless of what your mom says, because time is going to go by seemingly slow and you could miss out on any other opportunities that are coming your way. Once you failed a girl though, it isn't something she just forgets about. It takes a good amount of time to forgive for those things, and when you are stacked up against somebody that she didn't have a past with, more than likely she will go with the other guy. That's the reality of the situation. As long as you do not make the mistakes in the future and are making a conscious effort, this relationship did give you something beneficial.

Your relationship also showed some examples of the laws of attraction. You admired her waiting and chasing you down even though you chose to be with somebody else, but you weren't really attracted to that. You enjoyed the attention and it really boosted your ego, but it never made you want to come back to her. You knew you could have her whenever you wanted. Now that she stopped, you lost interest in your fling, and now that she is gone and with somebody else, now you are beginning to appreciate her for who she is. That's when you finally wanted to fight for her. Did that same behavior of chasing after you work when you chased after her? Nope, because that's not relationships are about. Being needy. Nothing is more of a turnoff than desparation and neediness and she more than likely learned that from her behavior with you.

You know what you need to do within a relationship, you know what kind of things not to do, and as long as you are always striving and giving something your best effort, you are going to find somebody in the long run. There is nothing you can do about her now, she can only come back to you, and those odds are not in your favor any time soon. Leave her be, let her find happiness, and if she wants to give you another shot, you thank God you actually get that opportunity. She has to come to you about it, you can't chase her down for it.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

Thank you. Very well said, cma.

I'm working on improving myself and getting my life back. Never again, I will let ambition and selfishness take over myself and my relationship.

[cmacattack1]

Yeah, never have I experienced such a cold harsh reality as getting dumped and being replaced within a month. I've made every possible mistake: getting too comfortable, taking a relationship for granted, begging and pleading and crying after it was over to try and guilt my way back into the relationship by manipulating her feelings (not that I meant to, just a complete logical breakdown).

It's frustrating because now you know you would succeed with her, you have learned so much from this and know that it would 100 percent work on your end, but she doesn't know that. Nor will she unless she wants to. More than likely she won't. It's frustrating because they think that they were right (at least my ex does, I got the "I did everything right and you were 100 percent wrong") and being a girl, they will get guys coming at them and they more than likely will not feel the need to change because there is always somebody giving them the attention and loving them for "who they are". It sounds romantic, but it's a cop out of bettering yourself as a person.

[lhn]

Yeah, never have I experienced such a cold harsh reality as getting dumped and being replaced within a month. I've made every possible mistake: getting too comfortable, taking a relationship for granted, begging and pleading and crying after it was over to try and guilt my way back into the relationship by manipulating her feelings (not that I meant to, just a complete logical breakdown).

It's frustrating because now you know you would succeed with her, you have learned so much from this and know that it would 100 percent work on your end, but she doesn't know that. Nor will she unless she wants to. More than likely she won't. It's frustrating because they think that they were right (at least my ex does, I got the "I did everything right and you were 100 percent wrong") and being a girl, they will get guys coming at them and they more than likely will not feel the need to change because there is always somebody giving them the attention and loving them for "who they are". It sounds romantic, but it's a cop out of bettering yourself as a person.

Word! Complete suckage

[cmacattack1]

Well put!

Life's unfair!

[SamFrmMelbourne]

cma, I'm really glad I posted in this forum and read your reply. Knowing I'm not the only one out there is very lightening. I was beyond crying and now, thanks to all the people who have supported me (you included!), I can smile and laugh again, and most importantly, forgive myself.

I'm at the point of being able to move on but also be on 'wait and see' mode. I keep her in my heart but it doesn't stop me from living my life. It's a strange feeling, but that's what I feel. I believe everything happens for a reason and if she is really the one just like how my mum senses it, then she'll be back to me. If not then love will guide me to the right one.

A verse from the song "Like You" by Evanescence:

Grieving for you,
I'm not grieving for you.
Nothing real love can't undo,
And though I may have lost my way,
All paths lead straight to you.

The funny thing is, she and I are working at the same two places. I got both jobs thanks to her telling me about the vacancies. One job is fine because I'm working indoor and she's outdoor. Another job, well... let's just say tomorrow we'll be working in my boss' house and she will be there as well. Our first meeting in five months.

She's been cold to me on email, so I'm wondering what will happen tomorrow when we see each other in person. Fingers crossed!

[cmacattack1]

Ah, don't get sucked up into that "she's the one". There are plenty of ones out there for us. That's a romantic concoction they cooked up over in Hollywood (or wherever you are from that makes movies). Don't get sucked up into that mentality. As for the wait and see, like I said, nothing will come to fruition anytime soon, so I would go out there and hang out with some other people and gals.

This run-in is going to be a test of how far you have come and some serious mental toughness. Go in there confident, even over confident and any changes you have made will be noticeable by her. Don't try to contact her after and don't read into any little off hand comment she may make.

[SamFrmMelbourne]

cma, I can't lie and say I don't have feelings for my ex. However, I've also been opening myself to other opportunities. I've been spending time with my friends, even those who aren't that close to me before.

The run-in went... cold, if that's the word. We were occupied and working on different floors so we didn't have the chance to properly say hi. The only time when our eyes met was when my boss asked me to explain something to her, while she was working on something else. We couldn't converse because she needed to go back to the task she had been assigned to, but she even didn't smile.

I finished my work earlier than her and to be honest, I was tempted to wait for her in front of my boss's house (I know her route to go home). Fortunately, I didn't, because I feel it would be turn up badly.

Before I confessed to her that I still loved her, she told me she would get her stuff that are still in my place in January. We haven't talked about it again because her parents were/are here (and I'm a fugitive to them!). I'm thinking of bringing her stuff to her house tomorrow, because I figure it'd help me to move on with my life.

[IndiReloaded]

Sounds like you've got your head screwed on right, cma. Nice posts.