Question about rebounds

[alwayslearning]

I am curious to learn more about rebound relationships and your experiences. If you enter into a new relationship a few months after a break-up, does it truly help you to move on from your previous loss even if it doesn't work out?
I have the opportunity to start a relationship with someone new that seems very compatible on many levels, but I am wondering if it would be too soon and a mistake because I still have feelings for my ex. Sometimes I think moving on will be the only way to really let go of him. For those of you that have taken the chance before, is it a wise decision to start another relationship?

[lahnnabell]

It is perfectly okay to rebound by dating casually. HOWEVER, you need to call it what it is. Don't make any promises or commitments. You don't have to retell your situation in explicit detail either, but the general knowledge that you're not looking to settle down any time soon is a good precursor to any romantic situation you may find yourself in. This will prevent the other person from getting too attached and/or allow them to move on if they're not game for some no strings attached.

Besides, it is important that you do spend some time alone after a break-up. You get a hardcore look at the things you want to improve upon for yourself and future relationships. So take your time with it all.

[lhn]

A word of warning, my ex & I got together and she made it very clear that she didn't want to settle down after her ex before me. She carried on kissing other guys etc. Eventually we had a relationship...

I fell for her way before she committed. And I never felt good enough for her cos she wasn't happy with just me to start with. Insecurity crept in.

As LB said, tell them what it is you're looking for and beware, it could ruin the actual relationship on some levels if you take things further.

[alwayslearning]

Does it truly help you to move on from your previous loss even if it doesn't work out?

I am wondering if it will help me to heal or leave me in worse shape if it doesn't work out? I think this person has potential for something long-term and I do think highly of him. Am I being naive? Some of my friends say a rebound is exactly what I need to get my ex out of head while a few say don't do it.

[shheadz]

I am wondering if it will help me to heal or leave me in worse shape if it doesn't work out? I think this person has potential for something long-term and I do think highly of him. Am I being naive? Some of my friends say a rebound is exactly what I need to get my ex out of head while a few say don't do it.

It could help you move on. That's kind of the point of rebounding. If you treat it for what it is you shouldn't have a problem. Be warned that we go into rebound relationships with rose colored glasses. The rebound person looks better than they really are, because we're hurt and desperate. We also go into rebound relationships trying to pick up where we left off with our exes, because we don't want to completely start from scratch with a new person. You could end up creating unreasonable expectations for the guy because of that.

However a rebound isn't always a rebound. He could be a lucky guy who was in the right place at the right time after you split with your ex. Take a good hard look at him and ask yourself, "Is this the kind of guy I would normally date?" If the answer is yes, then he's probably not a rebound.

[cmacattack1]

A word of warning, my ex & I got together and she made it very clear that she didn't want to settle down after her ex before me. She carried on kissing other guys etc. Eventually we had a relationship...

I fell for her way before she committed. And I never felt good enough for her cos she wasn't happy with just me to start with. Insecurity crept in.

As LB said, tell them what it is you're looking for and beware, it could ruin the actual relationship on some levels if you take things further.

That reminded me of when I began hanging out with my ex, I told her that I wasn't really looking for a serious relationship. She kind of stuck around hoping I would change my mind, and I did, asked her to be my girlfriend, but ultimately still wasn't ready for the "I love you" and the "I want to marry you" after a month of officially dating. Makes me wonder if she really did love me or was more infatuated and excited that I was actually a guy she was changing, because on our decline she was trying to change me (although it was by begging and pleading) and I was stubborn and didn't budge.

She felt like she was the failure because she tried and I didn't budge, even though I never told her she did anything wrong. I guess she thought I was lying and just being nice. While that's very insecure of her, I can't help but feel responsible and worthy of the beating I took from her at and after the breakup.

Little different then your situation, same end result.

[ricerocket1]

im in the rebound and movin on stage...when i do meet someone new i usually tell them what's goin on after a couple of dates or so, so atleast they know that im not looking for any serious relationship...as long as they know that it's fair game whatever happens...you also need some time for yourself too though...there's days where i want to be alone and just go for a ride just to clear things out

[Coco]

How long was your previous relationship. A few months could be enough time to start a new relationship but IMO it depends on how long you were with your previous SO and how the break up affected you.

It's not safe to enter another relationship, commitment to someone else by rebounding. Rebounding should be for casual dating, sporting and courting. Nothing more.

[ricerocket1]

my previous relationship was 2+ years

[Coco]

Okay with that information, my advice is to not move into anything quickly. I would casually date. This guy you are interested in. Let him know that you are interested in him but you don't want to move fast, you want to take things slow. Make sure that he understands your situation, this way nobody gets hurt and you have been completely honest about your feelings.

[cmacattack1]

I remember when my ex dumped me and had a new facebook official boyfriend within a month. I had no idea and went to talk to her and ran into that buzzsaw. Yikes. Here I was just talking about my feelings and what went wrong and what I understand, and her reply is "I have a new boyfriend, he's nice, he treats me right, we are taking it slow. I thought you were on another screenname and knew (we weren't facebook friends)?"

They always say rebounds never last that long. Taking it slow they usually have a better chance don't they? The guy puts in the work the patience and the effort to slowly gain something he doesn't have right away. That doesn't guarentee they have a connection but certainly doesn't hurt does it?