No one to blame but myself....

[flora]

I don't really need advice with this, as it is clear what his motivations were, I just need to unload.

So, when I was 22 I met the love of my life. We were together for 7 years and had a wonderful relationship. He was loyal, sweet, kind, funny, attractive, smart, considerate, basically everything someone could want in partner. We lived together for 5 of the seven years and when he was accepted into a grad program in a neighboring state I quit my job and moved to be with him. After living there six months I came home from work one night and he told me that he no longer loved me. He would not give any reason other than that he had fallen out of love. He said I could stay there as long as I need while I looked for a new place, but that we would be sleeping in separate rooms.

I was devestated. After sobbing all night, I packed up my things the next morning and moved back to my home town. That was 6 years ago.

Around Thanksgiving I received an email from him. It was general, asking about what I was doing, my family, etc. I replied and learned that he had moved back to where I lived. We agreed to go out for dinner. Upon meeting, it was like we'd never been apart. We laughed, talked, and had a wonderful evening. I didn't know if he just wanted to be friends, or if he was interested in dating again. Stupidly, I was scared to bring up our breakup, how he'd hurt me, or what he wanted now.

We ended up hanging out in a friendly manner somewhat regularly, and I guessed that he just wanted to keep things platonic. Though I was sad, I was willing to accept this as I enjoyed his company.

This past Friday I went over to his house for dinner. We were both sober and clearheaded and he began kissing me. We ended up sleeping together. Afterwards, there was still no discussion of where this was headed. Saturday morning I left. He seemed cold and withdrawn that morning and didn't even walk me to the door.

Then....nothing. I have not heard from him since. Not a call, not a text, not an email. Nothing. He broke my heart all over again. Pathetically, I looked at his facebook page and read the flirty messages he has started leaving for an attractive woman 10 years younger than me. I can't even be angry with him. I knew what he was capable of, and came back to be hurt again.

[lahnnabell]

Yikes. Sorry to hear about this. Lesson learned right? Pay attention to fickle behavior in a guy (hot and cold). One minute everything was fine in your relationship, and the next he was asking you to leave. There had to be something going on that lead to the break-up. What was happening in that last year together that may have contributed to him not loving you anymore?

[QueenofCorona]

Sorry that he did that to you. There's no explaining some peoples actions. My ex kind of did the same thing to me. He cheated on me and broke my heart in college. Married the girl he cheated on me with and then when she left his ass he wanted to "right all his wrongs" and make friends with the bridges he'd burned. He was real apologetic and sweet for a few weeks, wanting to hang out and making big plans. Soon though he faded out and I realized the best thing he ever did for me was hurt me back in college. I am better off without him in my life. I survived it the first time he hurt me and I will never allow him to make me an option of his. You will come out of this a stronger and wiser woman.

[flora]

That is what is so werid, his behavior never changed prior to the break up. At the time, I assumed he must have met someone else, though I never saw any signs or clues.

The only changes were that we had moved to new area where we really didn't have any established friends or family, and that he had started a very stressful grad program. Still though, he acted in the same loving way he always had right up until that horrible night.

[lhn]

I'm so sorry to hear stories like these... straight out of the book of 'Fu*ked upness'.

He is entirely to blame for your unhappiness. He gave the signs that maybe you would be more than a lay, and then dropped it.

Hold your head high, cos although you're hurting, you didn't put a foot wrong. Wish I could meet a considerate woman like you

[shheadz]

I'm not trying to stick up for the guy, because the way he dropped you after the night together was pretty shady. However hooking up with you may not have been his intention. I can see myself moving back to my home town, and trying to reestablish old friendships. I can see myself thinking my ex and I had been apart long enough that we could just be friends. I can also see myself letting my emotions getting the better of me for a moment, and letting one thing lead to another.. and sleeping with her.

Now why did he turn cold after wards? He may have realized it was a mistake. He may have a girlfriend already, or at least someone on the hook. He may have really wanted to keep things friendly. Either way the keyword is mistake. I think he owes you an explanation, or an apology, but we all make mistakes. It happens. That doesn't make him a player, or a total asshole.

[Gigabitch]

Sure, he can say he never promised you anything, but his behavior was emotionally irresponsible. I would expect something like this from a high school kid.

Flora, this is closure, I'm sure you'll come to see it that way. Some part of you was holding on to the hope that someday, somehow, you could be together. You know now that he will just hurt you.

I'm so sorry this happened to you.

[girl68]

What a dick. Anyways mistake on your part for sleeping with him, lesson learned. He's a douche for ditching you after.

Sorry you're hurting. There are good men out there.

[flora]

Well, I found out what happened and now I feel worse....

He called a friend of mine to discuss "what he should do". She told me they had spoken, but at first wouldn't tell me the details. Eventually after much begging and a couple glasses of wine I got it out of her.

I have a thyroid disorder and have always been on the thin side. Recently, due to changing my medication and getting over a bad flu I have lost weight. I am 5'7" and normally weight around 125 lbs, but am now down to 110 lbs. Also, while I have never been busty, my normally A-small B cup boobs presently don't even fill out my smaller bras.

Apparently, upon seeing me naked he was so put off and "freaked out" by my skinny body that he felt like he couldn't pursue a relationship with me, even though I told him over the course of our hanging out that I was abnormally thin at the moment, and explained why. He told me friend he didn't know how to handle it because he like me as person and didnt' want to hurt me by telling me it was my looks that were preventing him from wanting more.

I am absolutely devastated and can't stop crying. On one hand, I know I don't look great at the moment, but I didn't realize my appearance was that freakish. Also, while we were having sex, I felt like it was very passionate and romantic. To know that in his head he was feeling repulsed by my body has made me feel totally disgusting.

I wish I didn't know why....

[Gigabitch]

Wow. I thought he couldn't hurt you more, but I was wrong.

He's a destructive person, flora. He's also probably a liar. If he was really disgusted and freaked out, his wiener wouldn't have worked.

[QueenofCorona]

If he can't handle you during your worst, he doesn't deserve you at your best. What a turd. You'll find someone who will love you unconditionally. God forbid he ever have any medical issues and experience the bitch that is karma.

[Primo]

Have to agree with Giga, he's full of shit unless you're idea of passionate and romantic sex is boring to him (which sometimes can be the case).

Listen, he came back into town and knew he could seduce you, he wanted an easy lay and you were ready, willing and able. Unfortunately you hoped for and wanted more. People don't become 'unbored' with other people, which is why your relationship ended long ago. Hopefully you'll write him off and move on, and not keep some lame fantasy of staying 'friends'.

btw, lots of guys like slender, A-cup cuties, me being one of them and I'm a 230 pound bodybuilder, so go figure. Don't let his comments depress you. While he's looking away, more than a few guys are looking at you

[flora]

Thanks. I am definitely not going to try to be friends with him. I keep going back and forth between anger and despair over this.

I think what is making it worse is that I am kind of old-fashioned and have never had sex with someone outside of a relationship before. It is hard for me reconcile that the physical and emotional intimacy I felt with him in the moment was nothing to him. I know that men, and women too I guess, are capable of having meaningless sex, but I never have been and the whole experience just feels so alien to me.

[Gigabitch]

It's ridiculous to think that someone with as much history as he has with you could have meaningless sex either. He's just plain broken, flora.