Post Break Up Conversation

[Bjorn7]

IF you would like the context for this read my other post named "Break Up Story."

HER
hey, i figured out the star wars piano music for you. want me to bring it over?

10:27am HER
yes? no? maybe?

10:29am HER
or are you still not talking to me?

10:30amME
probably that one

10:30am HER
ok. well, are you alright? or is there something else bothering you, too?

10:31amME
if you are trying to come over and talk to me by giving me the music i dont care
do what you awnt

10:32am HER
this isn't about me. i just want you to be happy.
nevermind. i'll leave it outside your door in case you decide you want it.

10:32amME
i dont need it

10:33am HER
ok. forget i mentioned it, then. sorry to bother you.

10:35am HER
bye

10:35amME
oh and by the way
this is all your fault

10:57am HER
thanks.

10:57amME
fine 98 percent yours

10:59am HER
i'm sorry you hate me now. i was trying to do what i thought was right for our long-term friendship. it wasn't meant to hurt you.

10:59amME
what friendship

11:01am HER
i thought we were friends first. that's what you told me. you said no matter what, we would still be friends. i guess i was wrong.

11:01amME
things change
as the same apparently happened to you

11:02am HER
i realized that i couldn't be in a relationship right now. not that i didn't care about you anymore. those are two completely different things.

11:02amME
and what changed
you never thought of this before you entered one

11:04am HER
i did think of this. but i tried to be ready because i wanted to be ready.

11:04amME
and what changed

11:05am HER
nothing changed. i just figured out that i needed to be single for a while.

11:05amME
and why's that

11:06am HER
because i've been in relationships pretty much nonstop since sophomore year and i needed a break from them.

11:07amME
then you should have thought of that before you entered another one
why would it take 3 months to realize that

11:08am HER
because that was when i went home and had time to step back and think about things. like i said, i'm sorry.

11:08amME
-.-
that's very impulsive and selfish

11:10am HER
i never wanted to hurt you. like i've said a thousand times.

11:10amME
then use your head

11:11am HER
i did. that's why i did what i did before it was another three months

11:12amME
lul
and it must have been absent during the actual three months

11:13am HER
why are you being so mean?

11:13amME
I am not I'm telling the truth
and how I feel

11:15am HER
ok, well what do you want me to do?

11:17amME
You remind of the Death Stick dealer on Coruscant, you went home to rethink your life. But it did not turn out for the better.
Of course you would have no idea about this reference

11:18am HER
no. i wouldn't.

11:19amME
I suppose I was just a rebound

11:19am HER
you were not a rebound.
i genuinely cared about and loved you.

11:19amME
oh come on

11:20am HER
you weren't. you can either choose to believe me or not, but i'm telling the truth

11:21amME
if you cared then you wouldnt have hurt me like that

11:22am HER
that's not fair.

11:23amME
no, it is fair

11:24a HER
no it really isn't.

11:25amME
you could have spared me the time and either not bothered with me at all or ended before I left for break

11:28am HER
i'm sorry you feel that way. but i can't keep letting you abuse me. being spiteful and cruel to me right now isn't going to help you.

11:28amME
if that's what the truth is so be it.

11:29am she logs off.

[whyme87]

because i've been in relationships pretty much nonstop since sophomore year and i needed a break from them.



I got told this....she was in a relationship a couple of weeks after

[Bjorn7]

Haha I can believe it and wouldn't be surprised if the same happened.

[kai]

Lol, what a dumb girl. You are better without her.

[shheadz]

Haha I can believe it and wouldn't be surprised if the same happened.

Either would I. Some people need to be in relationships. If she's been in nonstop relationships, then she's probably one of those people. She may have finally realized that she needs a break from them, but old habits die hard.

My ex kind of gave me this shit too. "I don't want to be in any relationship right now". Yeah, right. She's always been in a relationship. I don't think she's even capable of taking care of herself, and will always need a man in her life. If she's not sleeping with someone by now, she will be soon.

[Moe]

Yea that's pretty much it. My ex told me the same thing. I need a break from men I don't need them in my life, well she was getting boinked probably while we were still together. My ex isn't capable of taking care of her self has always been in a relationship her whole life since 15 and now she's 35.
I have a name for them type of people.

[shheadz]

Once the loneliness sets it.. you know.. like after 2 days, they'll go running into the arms of someone. If they have too much pride, know they screwed you over, or can't admit they're wrong, that someone won't be you. Sometimes it's easier to start from scratch than it is to fix what's broken.

That's another problem with people who've been in nonstop relationships. They're comfortable jumping from one to another. It's their way of life. We give a lot of advice to people here that are new to relationships, and breakups. We tell them the more they do it, the easier it will get each time. And that's the deal with some of our exes. Breaking up has become too easy for them. They've done it too many times.

[LAtoJapan]

Every woman I have met has been like this during one time in the relationship. At one time, they say that they love you and want to spend eternity with you. The next thing you know, they get into the whole I may not love you phase. This is after I put blood, sweat and tears into the relationship.

I really hope that you find the right girl for you and try to lose all contact with this girl. It's worked for me, knock on wood.

[Moe]

shheadz
you described my ex to a T, I even told her that in the beginning. She is so used to just running it's easier. I said in the past we were telling each other how happy we were and couldn't wait to be married only a week and a half before she dumped me. I found out later about 4 marriages and so many relationships, it sucks because the 3 years we were together she was nearly perfect.

And no I no longer will respond to her, she once this week went past me and ignored me but then came back just to wave.

She is in a bad relationship now and knows it, she looks like hell and is rude and disrespectful to everyone. I past her in stores and on the road she never smiles and always looks mad, this a from a women who smiles even when she was sleeping. I'm glad she knows now what she lost. But she just isn't that person anymore. I feel so bad for her kids, who still love me, she through mine under the bus. Oh well shit happens.

Once the loneliness sets it.. you know.. like after 2 days, they'll go running into the arms of someone. If they have too much pride, know they screwed you over, or can't admit they're wrong, that someone won't be you. Sometimes it's easier to start from scratch than it is to fix what's broken.

That's another problem with people who've been in nonstop relationships. They're comfortable jumping from one to another. It's their way of life. We give a lot of advice to people here that are new to relationships, and breakups. We tell them the more they do it, the easier it will get each time. And that's the deal with some of our exes. Breaking up has become too easy for them. They've done it too many times.

[shheadz]

She is in a bad relationship now and knows it, she looks like hell and is rude and disrespectful to everyone. I past her in stores and on the road she never smiles and always looks mad, this a from a women who smiles even when she was sleeping. I'm glad she knows now what she lost. But she just isn't that person anymore. I feel so bad for her kids, who still love me, she through mine under the bus. Oh well shit happens.

I think we all imagine the day when our ex wakes up next to a slob in a shitty house, looks in the mirror and sees what a nasty person they've become, and cries about how badly they're doing in life. Then they will wish they had never left the one guy that did treat them right.

Months ago when my ex was stressing about money, she made a joke about becoming a stripper. Oh god, I hope she does. She's also started doing coke with some of her shit head friends. I dabbled with coke when I was young, and I know a young attractive girl without money can only get coke one way. She's headed for rock bottom, and I'm not going to be there to pick her back up.

[cmacattack1]

Once the loneliness sets it.. you know.. like after 2 days, they'll go running into the arms of someone. If they have too much pride, know they screwed you over, or can't admit they're wrong, that someone won't be you. Sometimes it's easier to start from scratch than it is to fix what's broken.

That's another problem with people who've been in nonstop relationships. They're comfortable jumping from one to another. It's their way of life. We give a lot of advice to people here that are new to relationships, and breakups. We tell them the more they do it, the easier it will get each time. And that's the deal with some of our exes. Breaking up has become too easy for them. They've done it too many times.

Pride is such a dangerous thing and is too often confused with confidence. All those reasons above are why people are stubborn and set in their ways and nothing can ever be accomplished. Unfortunately for the prideful good looking girls, they will always have some guy pursuing them and will eventually find somebody that will cater to their insecurities fully. That's how my ex is. For being somebody that was so caring and nice, they sure like to shit on you when they don't want you around anymore.

[Moe]

That's how my ex is. For being somebody that was so caring and nice, they sure like to shit on you when they don't want you around anymore.

Well look at it this way if they aren't happy now and know what they lost they are in the long run shitting on themselves. And unfortunately there own family the kids always lose.

[cmacattack1]

I wish that was the case for me. She built up months of resentment so I don't think she will really feel like she lost somthing, and she was single for less than a month before she had a new boyfriend (which she was hanging out with when we were on our way out and feel responsible for pushing her towards him with my neediness). I keep giving her the benefit of the doubt and I keep thinking that her boyfriend now will be her new one, but if not, he will be the ex she thinks about when they are done and not me. Basically I have no respect for myself and no belief in what we had anymore.

I know it feels good to think that they are losing in the long run, and even if they are you still lose either way. I'm certainly thankful a baby isn't in the equation.

[lahnnabell]

This is coming from the view point of a woman who has predominantly been in relationships since she was 15. Perhaps this young woman DOES want to see what single life has in store for her. Perhaps she does care for you. Judging from the fact that she never once tried to actively cast blame onto you, or get hysterical during your conversation, she seems pretty level-headed. She was hurt by your accusations, but she took them regardless. A good lady, in my mind. She knows she hurt you and that there is little to do to fix it. I've seen and heard MUCH worse post break-up conversations, but I am not trying to minimize your feelings. I understand it still stings.

There are people in this world that are codependent, selfish people. Some know this and actively seek out others to suck off of, and some people just aren't that in tune with who they are yet. Maybe they never will be. This girl doesn't sound like she leeched off of you, but I can understand how you might feel that way in your current state.

I have been in relationships that have gone sour. I was in a 2-year relationship with an emotionally abusive bipolar guy. I loved him to pieces, but things began to really fall apart when he asked if we could take a "break" and open the relationship up. I was heartbroken, and stupidly agreed to it thinking that by giving him what he craved that we could work things out. I ended up getting burned when I hooked up with someone. He flung it in my face and made me feel horrible for what I'd done (even though he had already previously slept with a coworker of his). I desperately tried to repair things, but grew so upset and depressed when nothing was working that I started hanging out with my hook up guy on the sly.

My hook up guy knew that my ex and I weren't entirely over, but that things were very rocky. He still agreed to see me anyway. Eventually, I left my ex for HUG and we eventually we began to date seriously. He was a very intelligent, sensitive, and kind person, but I found that I began to feel bored very quickly. He was not very adventurous, and I began to start meeting new people again. I did not want to continue a relationship that I was not putting my all into, and so I broke it off.

While I was devastated for hurting HUG, I did care for him and I respected him as a person. I took a very bad path during those months and though my decision was born out of sadness and having been hurt, it doesn't excuse my behavior. I expressed to him my deepest empathy. I think of him fondly and I hope he is doing well. I know he was very hurt and angry at me back then, but it was not my initial intention to hurt him. I don't think it was this young woman's either. She's still learning.

This is also a lesson to the OP. It is true that women just falling out of serious relationships are not ready for commitment. No matter what they say, or how they act, there is always going to be residual hurt from the previous relationship. This young woman has probably learned a lot about herself from this experience (I hope so), and will hopefully better understand that she should give herself time to heal before offering so much to someone only to hurt them.

Sorry you're hurting

[cmacattack1]

Well said and a refreshing perspective.

It only helps to try and understand the situation and the other person and even yourself, and just because you are angry doesn't mean that you should take it out on that person as tempting as it is. The anger will eventually subside but you can't take back what you said or what you did during those times. It's obvious you are upset and hurt by this, you don't need to let her have it and drag her through the mud considering she is seemingly sorry for this, you are only hurting her and making things worse for yourself if you still care about her. There are other ways to vent and focus that anger and energy into something positive. You have what it takes to be a bigger person, don't let emotion run your actions and make another life more miserable.