Could he be gay?

**flora** · 13-01-10, 01:18 AM

I have been on two dates with a man I met through mutual friends, and so far he seems very funny, kind, and interesting BUT, I am a little concerned that he may be gay and/or bisexual and either lying about it, or in denial.

He is 36, and was previously married. I purposely directed the conversation around to sexuality during our second date. He said he is totally straight and that while he is not homophobic at all, the idea of him personally doing anything sexual with a man is repulsive.

However-

* He talked about hanging out at a local gay bar (to be fair, a lot of straight guys to there, and he said he knows the bartender and gets free drinks,

* He bragged about how many gay guys hit on him while he is in the gay bar. He said he finds it flattering, but if they are agressive he gets grossed out.

* He described one of his male friends as "model hot".

* Two different waiters had come to our table during our second date. He said something about one of them having an interesting accent. I hadn't noticed, and asked which one-he replied "the hot one" (and honestly, one of the waiters was REALLY attractive?)

Are these normal comments/behaviors for a heterosexual man? Could he just be very comfortable with his sexuality?

**Sanctuary** · 13-01-10, 01:27 AM

It may be that he's very comfortable about his homosexuality and has been hanging around gay guys too much and adopted their mindset somewhat.

**Chupacabras** · 13-01-10, 01:29 AM

Sounds bi-curious to me. He wouldn't suck a penis but I bet he'd hold one in his mouth.

**qwertz** · 13-01-10, 01:38 AM

Originally Posted by Sanctuary

It may be that he's very comfortable about his homosexuality and has been hanging around gay guys too much and adopted their mindset somewhat.

this doesnt make sense.

**QueenofCorona** · 13-01-10, 01:38 AM

Not sure about full on gay, sounds coinceited and vain. Its weird but you know how it feels when a person of the opposite sex compliments you. It may be genuine but it could just be a come on. However, usually when I get a compliment from a female I take it as her just genuinely complimenting me.

**shheadz** · 13-01-10, 01:43 AM

The only odd thing he said was "the hot one". Beyond that he's probably comfortable saying whatever. And this is why guys have to act homophobic. If we mention even a small thing about another guy, or don't act all John Wayne, women immediately think we're gay.

**flora** · 13-01-10, 01:48 AM

True...I actually find it really attractive when guys are comfortable with their sexuality. He did make a couple of remarks about female actresses being hot.

Hopefully this is not a sign that he is just overly obessed with looks! Or a sign that I need to relax and get to know him better before I start worrying about these things?

**lahnnabell** · 13-01-10, 01:53 AM

I would've just casually inquired about it, "It's interesting that you called him 'the hot one'. Most guys wouldn't feel comfortable saying that."

**Gigabitch** · 13-01-10, 02:05 AM

He probably thinks this makes him look super confident. He might not realize it makes him look super gay.

**Sanctuary** · 13-01-10, 03:38 AM

Originally Posted by Sanctuary

It may be that he's very comfortable about his homosexuality and has been hanging around gay guys too much and adopted their mindset somewhat.

Originally Posted by qwerty123

this doesnt make sense.

What I meant was, a person tends to adopt the style of communication of those he hangs around. I didn't mean that he was turning gay lol. A bit of confusion on my part - my mistake.

Originally Posted by gigabitch

He probably thinks this makes him look super confident. He might not realize it makes him look super gay.

Yea, something like that.

**MVPlaya** · 13-01-10, 03:50 AM

Originally Posted by flora

I have been on two dates with a man I met through mutual friends, and so far he seems very funny, kind, and interesting BUT, I am a little concerned that he may be gay and/or bisexual and either lying about it, or in denial.

He is 36, and was previously married. I purposely directed the conversation around to sexuality during our second date. He said he is totally straight and that while he is not homophobic at all, the idea of him personally doing anything sexual with a man is repulsive.

However-

* He talked about hanging out at a local gay bar (to be fair, a lot of straight guys to there, and he said he knows the bartender and gets free drinks,

* He bragged about how many gay guys hit on him while he is in the gay bar. He said he finds it flattering, but if they are agressive he gets grossed out.

* He described one of his male friends as "model hot".

* Two different waiters had come to our table during our second date. He said something about one of them having an interesting accent. I hadn't noticed, and asked which one-he replied "the hot one" (and honestly, one of the waiters was REALLY attractive?)

Are these normal comments/behaviors for a heterosexual man? Could he just be very comfortable with his sexuality?

Absolutely nothing you've written indicates to me that he is gay or lying about it. The only one that I find suspect is hanging out at a gay bar, but I know several guys who go to gay bars, to hit on straight girls who are there with their gay friends. I think thats retarded but to each his own.

Referring to another man as hot does not mean he's gay, it merely means he has two eyes and isn't afraid to admit that. I've referred to other guys as being good looking, I wouldn't use the word the hot but I wouldn't fuss about it either. Outside of his language, does it look like he has eyes for other men, i.e., checks other guys out, etc? That might be a more telling indicator. But even that is not definitive, since lots of guys constantly compare themselves to the men around them.

Honestly, sounds like the guy is simply not impeded by the sexual insecurities that most men have.

**Chaserr** · 13-01-10, 04:06 AM

from what you're saying i dont think he is gay at all, straight guys can go to gay bars for many reasons and just because he said he has a 'model hot' friend doesnt mean anything, guys can still tell if another guy is a good looking guy or filth off the street.

**TheWizard** · 13-01-10, 09:52 AM

Flame on!

Sounds like he's been hanging around some though and picking up their mannerisms and whatnot

**irrelevant_89** · 13-01-10, 07:09 PM

Don't jump into conclusions so quickly. As the saying goes, "if he's too busy sucking a d*ck, he's gay." What's the matter with a guy that can appreciate other guys' looks? I make remarks about hot guys all the time. xD

**lhn** · 13-01-10, 07:44 PM

I would be fine saying all those things. "the hot one" is a little bit 'hmmm' but i wouldn't read into it too much.

I got gay mates and I've been to a gay bar before. No biggie. I would never find a man a turn-on though. Hell no.
(Obviously I had to put that last bit in to reiterate my sexual preference >.< )

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