Mourning the loss of a friendship

[QueenofCorona]

Sometimes it hurts just as bad as a broken heart brought on by the opposite sex.

Long story short, my oldest friend in the world (we'd been friends since the 7th grade) and I grew apart. I feel like she went from this carefree, loved anyone and everyone girl to this snotty "You're only good enough for me if I want something from you" type person...much like her husband. She became so catty and obsessed with money. She'd make plans for us to get together and flake and bail everytime. Towards the end I wouldn't even get a call with an excuse as to why she was canceling.

I tried and tried and she just gave up. I know she has a lot on her plate...married, kids, job, etc...but she made time for our mutual friends. Maybe I wasn't good enough for her anymore. I don't know.

I last saw her in June, we hadn't spoken in nearly a year. It felt so strange, like we were strangers yet she acted like no time had passed at all.

I don't sit around and think about this all day everyday but sometimes it strikes me and I just want closure. Most people say to forget it and keep living but there are times when I feel like emailing her to let her know how I feel. I don't know, 17 years of friendship is a lot to walk away from FOREVER. I miss the good times, I miss her daughter. Maybe she doesn't care, thats why I kind of gave up but then there's this part of me that says you never give up on a friendship. I don't know anymore.

What do you guys think? Do I make an attempt or just say life is pretty good right now and no need to pick at old wounds? Has too much time passed for us to really be friends again? I know I bitched about her but I like to think she still has some good in her, she could be really fun and positive and we made eachother laugh our asses off once upon a time.

[Petit Papillon]

I realized today, I grew appart with my best friend too... Probably because I moved abroad and didn't try enough to keep the contact... Well I grew appart with all of my friends... Yep... It seems like I have no 'best friends' anymore...
I'm sorry for You, I know how it is...

[IncognitoSir]

17 years of friendship is worth giving it one more shot. You dont wanna have any regrets, so shoot her an email and see how it goes. What do you have to lose? Although, you possible have your oldest friend to gain back, ya never know until you try. Not to mention, a good friend is hard to find now a days, people change, sometimes for the worst but who knows what the time apart may have done for you guys friendship. Time has a way of workin things out ya know.

[Coco]

Corona I'm with you on this one. My best friends and I are growing apart. We've been friends since we were toddlers. Now it seems as if we are all going our separate ways. I feel like friendships this long aren't worth losing. So even though we hardly spend time together and our convo is very small... maybe you should reach out to her in some way. Maybe a letter? Since she has "little time" on her hands... write her a letter and mail it.

[cmacattack1]

I would try anything you can that you think would work, but if she doesn't want to either, your efforts are going to be in vain. Life happens and unfortunately you are a lower priority on her list with her husband, her kid, her job, and everything else she likes. It's sad that she still doesn't value your friendship with a little effort and as you said you've noticed she's changed. Maybe for her this was growing up, this was what better suits her for the life that she is trying to build. Time passes and people change, and what can you do?

You can certainly try and let her know how you feel and I really hope it works out for you. Be prepared if it doesn't though.

[Indignant]

I have noticed that its very common with women to grow apart (same with me here) however guys seem to have an easier time staying in touch when in any situation - married, kids, career...what makes it so hard for women to keep in touch?

[QueenofCorona]

I have noticed that its very common with women to grow apart (same with me here) however guys seem to have an easier time staying in touch when in any situation - married, kids, career...what makes it so hard for women to keep in touch?

You're totally right. I see that with all my guy friends. So weird.

[IndiReloaded]

I have noticed that its very common with women to grow apart (same with me here) however guys seem to have an easier time staying in touch when in any situation - married, kids, career...what makes it so hard for women to keep in touch?

Expectations are too high. You aren't going to be the same people from half a life ago, especially if you were kids growing up. Priorities change, people get busy. Priorities will change again in another couple decades. My parents generation do all sorts of stuff together (travel, activities etc) now us kids are grown up w/lives of our own.

I notice guys just accept this more readily. They are perfectly happy to get together with buddies 1-2x a year and have a few beers, discuss life, have a bit of fun and say hi again a year later.

I've only got a couple GFs like this, but they are the ones I can rely on in a pinch and vice-versa. They are secure and understand what life is about.

[NoName101]

It sucks. I miss my friend. She was real close to me, and now after everything I'm hearing, I dont know if it was real or not. We use to go out alot, and she use to be all sweet and shit to me. I really began to love her, then she got pregnant. She didnt want to tell me because she was afraid I would stop being her friend. We later talked and I stayed her friend and she asked me to never change. When she said that she looked at me with a concerned look in her eyes. I promised, but things got akward. Rumors were spreading, she got mad, then we stopped talking and then made up again but it wasnt the same. She later asks me for help cuz her baby's dad wasnt there for her so I do help her. It leads to an intimate night, but before that I planned to leave. She said she was sad I was leaving and showed me where she lived if she needed my help and where her bf worked(he beats her). I tell her she has her other friend to be there for her. But I wasnt sure if leaving was right or wrong. I felt so bad. When I came here to cali, I tried texting, messaging. No answer back.

Other details to the story make it too long. But I look back and wish I could have told her how I felt before she got pregnant.
Dispite problems and misunderstandings. I miss her friendship.

I just hope she atleast remembers me. I'm sorry to her for all the things wrong I've ever did.


It'll pass. Just keep the good times.

Take my advice though, dont push it.

[vashti]

I used to hang out with 3 other women, and I loved them all like sisters. I never speak to one of them any more, and the other 2 only rarely. I really miss them sometimes. But you know, life goes on, and our lives took different paths, and I just remember those times fondly.

Nursing school was very hard on my personal life. Friendships require maintainence, and I simply wasn't able to invest the kind of time or energy needed to nurture a lot of my friendships. As they say... to everything there is a season.

[lhn]

I've got 3 friends who I've known for years & years & years. One of them in particular I didn't speak to for almost 3yrs and when we did, it was just like before.
It's great to have friends like that.
The other 2 have been my rock through so much crap, even if they don't know it.
I'm lucky and I know it.

[Indignant]

I used to hang out with 3 other women, and I loved them all like sisters. I never speak to one of them any more, and the other 2 only rarely. I really miss them sometimes. But you know, life goes on, and our lives took different paths, and I just remember those times fondly.

Nursing school was very hard on my personal life. Friendships require maintainence, and I simply wasn't able to invest the kind of time or energy needed to nurture a lot of my friendships. As they say... to everything there is a season.

and that's why i like facebook. i added all my old and new friends and always try to drop them a line to keep in touch.

[Perryville]

QC, friends are friends, whether it's 17 years or 17 minutes. If she doesn't care about the friendship, it's her loss. You should always try to maintain it, even if she doesn't, because there will come a time , when she will need a friend badly, wouldn't you be happier, if you were the one she reached out for?

[Gigabitch]

How long has she been an asshole? Is it a small fraction of 17 years? If so, I'd just take a break from her and avoid the closure. Things could change.

One of my girlfriends has had her head up her ass for four years now, but I know she'll eventually emerge. She's all wrapped up in doing this Uber-Mom thing that's pretty boring and tiresome. I've just limited her ability to disappoint me and maybe we'll grow back together like we've grown apart.

Don't dump her ass, Queen. Just don't make plans with her any more.

[QueenofCorona]

Our friendship had really gone downhill in the last 2.5 years. She just began to flake and flake on things and then when we were together for mutual friends gatherings she'd just make bitchy comments. We probably have spoken 2 times in the last year. We don't live in the same city anymore so its not like I'd run into her or anything.

Its weird because I actually used to rent from them and I got a text from her husband asking me for my new address so they could send me a renters rebate form. I don't know, would it have killed her to be the one to text me and ask me whats new or how I like the city? Its almost like she got high and mighty acting because I was renting from her.