I am in LOVE with my best friend/housemate. HELP!

[Dudeman]

Hey ladies,

I need you help. I am in love with my best friend who is also my housemate. When I first met her I was not attracted to her but now over the course of about a year and a half we have become very close and now I am totally in love with her. Over the time I have known her we have done some amazing things together including raising a dog, traveling, starting a farm and spending A LOT of time together. She compliments my looks, lifestyle and achievements when we talk about life stuff. Although she is young (she is 21 and I am 27) she talks about how its hard for her to meet a potential partner "to settle down with". Last December (2009) I finally conjured the confidence to confess my love for her. When we talked she did NOT give me the response that I wanted. It was devastating because I, and others that know us very well including other housemates, were convinced that she loved me too. Now things have settled and we're friends again. Its challenging because my feelings are still there and I hold on to the hope that one day she will change her mind. Its hard because we live together and I try and find ways of keeping friendly distance, but she still kind of seeks me out, and of course I can't say "no". When we are together I am totally excellent and don't show signs of the challenge that I am still going through. Its been about two months since the talk and now I find myself trying to do little things that go in the direction of more than just friends.

My questions for you ladies is:
What can I do to make her realize that I am the one for her?
Is there any chance that one day she will open that door of possibility?

Thanks for all the help,
Dudeman

[Gigabitch]

You can't make her do anything. What was her response to your confession? Did she turn you down flat? Did she give you any reason to hope she'd change her mind?

[Dudeman]

She kind of made it sound like she was not ready for that. She also went on about how she kind of needed to work stuff out of her own and she didn't want to complicate the friendship with sex. Does this change things?

[Dudeman]

In the end it still seems unclear.

[chocolateorange]

I agree with GigaBitch, you can't make her like you. You can just keep doing things that show her that you are interested in her and see how she responds to them. I have a friend who started sleeping in her roommates bed, but they wouldn't do anything. She said she didn't like him, but she just liked sleeping next to someone. They did this for about two months and then decided that they had developed feelings for each other and they started dating. They have been together now for four years! Sometimes you just have to take risks, but you have to be yourself and if she doesn't want to be with you, you can't force it.

[Dudeman]

I guess I don't want to force it but let her know that I am always an option. Its funny that you mention sleeping next to each other because that happens sometimes.

[Gigabitch]

Have you dated anyone else in the time you've lived with her?

[Dudeman]

Yes. But very casual. I have told her before the "confession" that I want a partner, which is true.

[Gigabitch]

I wish she weren't so young. It makes it hard to say what she'll do, you know?

[chocolateorange]

Its funny that you mention sleeping next to each other because that happens sometimes.

OK well I wouldn't sleep next to a guy that I wasn't (at least a little bit) interested in. It sounds like there's hope. Maybe she's concerned because you live together. What if you guys broke up and then things got weird in the house, is probably what she's thinking.

[VincenzoG91]

What if you guys broke up and then things got weird in the house, is probably what she's thinking.

I'm guessing that things already feel at least a little bit weird in the house.

My uncle went through a similar situation. He owned a small house and rented out a room to a female co-worker who slightly younger than him. They became really close friends and he was definitely attracted to her. But even though he was a great guy (funny, intelligent, handsome, hard-working, reliable), he just wasn't her type. She seemed to prefer pale, lazy, introverted guys. She eventually moved out, but they did stay good friends. When his mother (my grandmother) died, she even attended the funeral.

I hope things do work out for you, Dudeman. I don't think it would hurt to try to win her over, as long as you don't get too pushy. But don't wait forever, either.

[Dudeman]

Things around the house don't really seem that awkward or weird, she is young but very mature and wise (an old soul type of person). We still hang all the time, in fact our entire house (8 people) all went out for her 21 birthday the other night. I was totally excellent like I mentioned, I am very funny and out going and was pleasurable to be around and even when she danced with this other guy I made it seem like I was not bothered by it, even though I felt jealous. (nothing more came about from that guy).

Thanks everyone for responding promptly. I am great guy that has really great intentions.

I HOPE I CAN RETURN SO GOOD ADVICE FROM A GUYS POINT OF VIEW!!! Let me know.

[chocolateorange]

Good luck, Dudeman. I hope she realizes how much you care for her!

[Dudeman]

Anyone else have advice?

[girl68]

I'm going against the general grain of this thread. I don't think she's interested in your romantically- AT ALL. I'd explain the 'sometimes sleeping next to eachother' as her not wanting to be lonley and you being a decent looking, nice guy. I wouldn't mistake that with attraction.

I think she'll make every excuse in the book NOT to date you... but the minute some random other dude walks in she's his gf. This leads me to believe she doesn't want to be in a realtionship at all... with you.

But you do seem like a sweetheart and shouldn't have a problem meeting another girl.