Friends after break-up - why so hard?

[irrelevant_89]

Hi... I put this on the off-topic forum because this has nothing to do with personal experience (obviously) or advice-seeking, but why is it that, at least over there in the US, it's so difficult and generally frowned upon to maintain friendships with your exes? I mean, at least here in Portugal it's more/less common practice, and I don't see much problems arising from it.

What do you think? Does it boil down to culture differences? And would you try to stay friends with someone after a breakup? I probably would unless she'd done something really wrong to me (or me to her. but I hope that won't happen.)

[sookie6]

I am wondering the same actually.

My ex from 5 years ago (a French man) finds it natural to keep friendly. We even meet rarely but it happens for coffee if he is around. When he as a gfriend I'am perfectly happy for him and there is no akwardness.
My ex from the UK continued giving me phone calls for a while and then cut all ties once he found someone...since then no email or text for my bday...nothing for Xmas or New Year. Which I found really strange since I never got so many cards as when I was going out with him.

I'm not sure it's a nationality thing though but I have wondered since the only friends I know who have kept friendly with their ex are French and Spanish...

I can't wait to see what people say about this....

PS: I don't think exes should remain friends necesarily but at least friendly. When you've shared a relationship with someone this person was a dear one!

[irrelevant_89]

^ of course it depends on how the relationship ended. If it didn't end in good terms it's probably more harm than good to keep contact...

BTW, my dad collected a fair share of more/less short-term relationships after his divorce - and he still talks regularly with most of them.

[starbuck]

To be honest, when someone says that they still want to be friends with me after I've initiated a breakup, I usually find it to be code for: I'm going to wait around pretending to be friends with you in hopes that you'll change your mind.

I've tried to be friends with exes and it's never been possible for me. I don't relish having to reject the same person over and over. Better just to move on and let them move on, too.

[NeoSeminole]

it's really not that hard, at least for me, to be friends with an ex. It's all a state of mind.

if you still want to be with her or are afraid of being alone, then I can see why it might be difficult.