Men: why did you get married?

[sookie6]

Following a few threads touching on men and mariage, I am curious to know what people think of mariage in general.

To all married men: what prompted you to propose at the time you did?

To all unmarried men who have a steady gfriend: why you don't propose yet? Will you one day?

To all married women: What were the circumstances surrounding your man proposing?

To all unmarried women in a relationship: do you want him to propose and what if he doesn't?

Single people are of course welcome to share their view on this

[Doc Durian]

I got married because I was young, dumb, and teeming with a santa's sack of backed up ejaculate plus I thought I was quite enamoured with the lady of that time.

I've been single since the realization that my married sack could only fit so many unresolved and non dispensed domesticated goodies before bursting at the seams and bleeding out an early expiration.

Many years later and with a prospective life partner in the midst, I've delayed simply because of the since evolved instinct not to make the same mistake twice.

Crazy wild eyed coitus faces and coo coo's are great going, so are warm smiles, eyes, and PDA's in public and private settings.

But this show must go on.

Either she is the part or she's playing the part.

Haven't worked out which one yet.

[doppelgaenger]

I'm unmarried. I suppose I am waiting for the proper moment. I also want to make damn well sure that we'd be happy together.

[vashti]

I will be the enemy of all young females when I say that I encourage my kids to avoid getting married unless they are ready to start a family.

[cmacattack1]

I've always thought of marriage in a more practical sense as making the state a third party in our relationship. I'm a hopeless romantic eh? That engagement ring is coming with a pre-nup! Hey oh!

It's got to be something that is well established between two people and not just on a whim, and it's got to be with somebody that is perfectly comfortable with themselves and have done the best they can to iron out any insecurities in their lives. That works the same for me as well with the comfort and the insecurities.

It has to be with somebody you can be honest with and not afraid of the consequences, even over little issues.

[kai]

@vashti

Are you so unhappy in your marriage? No offence, btw..

[lhn]

Single Guy, not in a relationship:
Marriage for me is unimportant and not something that I place a huge amount of my incoming happiness on. I'm not against it or critical of it as I still quite like the idea of sharing wedding rings but the whole idea that a true, proper and official relationship is only complete once vows have bneen shared is one that just isn't all that compelling to me.
Personally, having a child with someone is far more intimate as far as a commitment is concerned.
Definitely not looking to start a 'marriage' vs 'kids' discussion though.

It's a romantic idea and I would like to be married one day (i like the idea of calling someone "my wife") but like I say, the act of marriage is unimportant to me as far as the relationship's importance is concerned.

[Perryville]

I wanted kids.

[love2010]

i just got engaged and then got broken off. I have never been afraid of commitment, but just was not ready and now that i was ready my fiance leaves me i alos wanted to start a family, but no more i have lost my only chance at least for now and i am not getting any younger.

[mrtdg82]

Not single and in a long term relationship. Should i propose? Probably. However no matter who i am with my eyes seem to wonder constantly. Some say its because i havent met the right person but i believe its just how i am.

Its strange because i like the idea of marriage and settling with kids and all that but i cant see myself sticking with one girl forever and ever.

[TheWizard]

I'm not married, but I have an uncle who isn't either. Him and his girl have been together for over 20 years now in England - and they're just as happy as can be. They didn't need religion to acknowledge the fact they were together forever...

My personal view on marriage is that it's something we do to appease societies view of what is acceptable. Yuo can have everything you can have with a marriage without actually being married, but for some reason that's taboo because most are so closed minded they can't accept it. I don't plan to partake unless the girl absolutely must and I care for her enough to accommodate, otherwise we'll live it up like my Uncle.

[starbuck]

So I asked my husband this question and here's what he said:

He said that in his twenties he didn't believe in marriage as an institution, mostly because he was a child of divorce. His dad left his mom when he was a child and then left his step-mom too, and my husband started to think that perhaps people were incapable of making that kind of commitment to each other. Now he is in his thirties and estranged from his father and has realized that the problem was never marriage as a concept, but his father's emotional problems that caused the divorce.

He said that when he met me and we fell in love, he had no hesitation that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I felt the same way about him. Neither one of us were the kind of people who felt we HAD to be married, but in each other, we finally found the one that made us WANT to marry.

When the time is right and the person is right, you younger single guys who are hesitant about marriage might change your minds. Until then, enjoy singledom to it's fullest.

[mrtdg82]

So I asked my husband this question and here's what he said:

He said that in his twenties he didn't believe in marriage as an institution, mostly because he was a child of divorce. His dad left his mom when he was a child and then left his step-mom too, and my husband started to think that perhaps people were incapable of making that kind of commitment to each other. Now he is in his thirties and estranged from his father and has realized that the problem was never marriage as a concept, but his father's emotional problems that caused the divorce.

He said that when he met me and we fell in love, he had no hesitation that he wanted to spend the rest of his life with me. I felt the same way about him. Neither one of us were the kind of people who felt we HAD to be married, but in each other, we finally found the one that made us WANT to marry.

When the time is right and the person is right, you younger single guys who are hesitant about marriage might change your minds. Until then, enjoy singledom to it's fullest.

I think you have hit the nail on the head with that last line really.

Ive known even the biggest of players suddenley turn and settle down quickly. Whether its down the the individual themselves or the person they meet im not so sure but im more of a believer that there becomes a time in everyones lives where they dont want to be alone and settle down.

Marriage however tends to be part of sequence in young couples to keep the relationship alive and/or meet others expectations. Ive seen people get engaged too quickly and its usually due to a rush to settle down. Whilst i agree with some that the age of being single is upon as and it is far more accepted the majority still seem to rush into marriage for the reasons i have given. Especially around my age of 27 many of the women especially are either pregnant or engaged within what seems like minutes of meeting someone. Its those that will feel the train years down the line when they failed to allow their relationship to grow.

Thats why i have a lot of respect for those who take there time and its those that will enjoy a more fulfilling relationship and marriage.

[starbuck]

It's hard to blame those women in their late twenties for feeling the rush though. There's a biological clock issue, and they probably just want to have healthy babies. Men aren't usually as aware of the statistics regarding older women and problematic pregnancies.

[mrtdg82]

It's hard to blame those women in their late twenties for feeling the rush though. There's a biological clock issue, and they probably just want to have healthy babies. Men aren't usually as aware of the statistics regarding older women and problematic pregnancies.

I think you are missing the point slightly. Its all very well rushing to have babies due to a biological clock which i do totally get but ultimatley this leads many women into fast-tracking the relationship for that reason only. I would like to have a baby once im 30 but it doesnt mean im going to just find someone with a similer view to me and make it happen.

Unfortunatley many people reach an age where there mindset is that all there friends are married and have kids so they need to be as well. This can be like a desperation leading to going into relationships with not the view to building the relationship but to reach the goal of marriage and kids. Several years down the line once they have that it can lead to issues as there relationship has peaked and because they rushed into it, its not sustainable.

This is why men and women generally have different outlooks to marriage. For one it can feel like stability and comfort, the other like a ball and chain.

It also works with those in long term relationships who feel marriage has to be done either through peer pressure or just because it is the logical next step of the relationship. Not because they actually want to.