crossroads

[anon123456]

I'm 32, married for 3.5 years, have a 7 1/2-month-old son. Since married my wife and I have probably only had sex about a dozen times. Even before we got married it had tapered off. We get along pretty well...it's more like having a roommate though. I absolutely love my son. I don't want him to grow up confused or hurt or resentful. I want to be a huge part of his life and always be there for him. But I'm just not happy with my marriage...as much as we've tried, gone to counseling, etc...it's just not getting better. There have been at least two occasions where she's been holding our son and yelling at me even though I tell her to calm down to not scare the kid. One time she actually started whaling on me while she was holding him. I could tell my son was confused and scared, and I felt so sad and sorry for that. I'm sure she did too.

I can't remember not having the urge to look at or flirt with other women. But I've almost always restrained myself from making any kind of noticeable advances. I think part of the reason we remain together is due to the convenience, both logistically and financially. We own a home and we are practically living paycheck to paycheck.

To make matters worse I recently have been looking on facebook at old friends and I looked up my girlfriend from a LONG time ago - 13 years ago I guess. Immediately when I saw her picture my heart just jumped. I have this incredibly strong urge to contact her - it appears she is single and I think she's working as an 'exotic dancer'. I know it sounds so stupid to think of contacting her but I can't help but want to.

Even if I don't do anything in regards to the ex, I still feel like I will continue to be unhappy in my marriage. I mean we have our good times, but a lot of times it just seems they aren't good enough to cover the fact that we don't have the kind of intimate, exciting relationship I feel I should be striving to attain. Maybe I'm totally messed up in thinking all of this, I don't know. Maybe I need more friends to guide me, because I really don't have that many. But I have got to do something..

I keep thinking about my poor poor boy, I want him to be happy... But I don't know if I am just playing charades and will do so my whole life...?

[Gigabitch]

So why do you think the counseling isn't working? Do you need a different counselor?

[VincenzoG91]

I understand that your financial situation is a serious issue. Depending on your local housing market, this might be a terrible time to sell the house and split up. But it sounds like you and your son would otherwise be better off if you got a divorce and tried to get full custody of him. Physical abuse of a spouse is unacceptable, regardless of gender, and doing that to you while holding your son is a dealbreaker. She isn't even trying to make this work, you need to get out of this sham of a marriage and find somebody who loves you. Forget about the dancer, though, if she's still dancing at her age, she probably has some serious issues, too.