need my girlfriend to relax... help!

[girl68]

Orgasms do not make you want to have more sex. My ex had a stupidly low drive and trust me he was getting off. What else was I sawllowing?

[savoysuit]

I'm not even entirely sure how hi or low her sex drive is... I think she's just out of touch with her sexuality...

[girl68]

And it isn't up to you to figure it out for her. You can encourage her but when push comes to shove and she doesn't go anything about it I think you'd need to reconsider the whole relationship.

[Coco]

You need to hit like you can't miss. She won't think twice about an itch, scratch or nothing unless it's an STD.

[savoysuit]

well she read some stuff about female sexuality last night that, according to her, was interesting and informative. This is a good sign at least.

[girl68]

Good start can she give you some specifics?? What was interesting? Will she masterbate? Will she learn about her body? Perhaps she's embarrassed how she'll perform? Maybe she thinks that you're judging her (you know for all that locker room talk.. yes, I know not all boys dish details but maybe she thinks you do or have or might?).

She needs to start talking. And I don't know, doesn't count.

[savoysuit]

I don't talk to my friends about her sexual performance (and she trusts me with this). Happily, she did actually masturbate last night. She didn't give me specifics except mentioning a few things she read (about knowing what you want and communicating this to your partner). She acknowledged that she may have been too passive in this regard... not proactive enough... just waiting for her sexuality to magically re-appear.

[girl68]

Alright sounds promising. Now just re assure her that she has no reason not to let loose and enjoy herself. You love her, and you want to make her feel good as she does for you (I think).

Getting wet should be the least of her worries, buy lube show it to her and tell her that problem shall not be a problem anymore! And there's not a darn thing wrong with not getting wet. I don't, and it doesn't stop me or my guy.

[savoysuit]

yep, I try to re-assure her as much as possible. As for the lube (when she doesn't get wet), she doesn't seem to like the idea very much.

[girl68]

Why? She needs to be able to answer this. Does she think it's gross? Does it not feel good? Sticky? Smell?

[mings]

It is amazing...I will follow your instruction.

[dyno31225]

i think that she's just shy. as i read in previous threads.... maybe she never had a crazy sex life... and maybe you're it. She doesn't want to disappoint you in her performance. Most of the time when a girl cant get wet means that she just extremely shy. she wants to let out but she's afraid you might act wierd like why did she do that? Its more reassurance that you have to give her and tell her that its ok to have sexual fantasies or to masturbate. Even though she says she doesnt masturbate often you never know. She probably does, but doesnt want to tell you because she maybe want to keep the innocence... you may have to tell her that its ok to be naughty sometimes and enjoy. you need her not to think to much... because of right now.... she's thinking alot of her performance and disappointing you.....

[savoysuit]

update:

So... we got into it again last night, but as has happened the last few times, we stopped before anything really started. Anyway, we talked some more, with the result that we decided one reason could just be familiarity, and thus she doesn't get as excited anymore (we've been together over a year). We agreed that a way to change this is to try new things.

So we used a blindfold (well she blindfolded me)... she went to work on me. It was one of the most amazing experiences I've had with her. She didn't come, but she still really enjoyed herself she said (she was actually really wet). I can't wait to return the favor lol.

So... there's still going to be issues... but maybe we're on the right path.

[dyno31225]

thats good to hear.... seems to me that she's really shy.... keep on doing that... next thing you know it... you guys will be having sex without the blindfold!

[mings]

I am very envious of your forum.