Opinions on my situation?

[kasperstuntman]

Hi,
I posted this in another section of the board and did not get the response I was looking for, so I will give it a shot here.

I dated a girl for 5 weeks. We decided things were not working. We literally went from never speaking to each other to talking everyday and seeing each other 4 times a week. We were set up by friends and felt as if we forced things, and moved way to fast. She also said she did not have feelings for me but she would do and say things (such as she liked me more than all the other guys she has dated, she saw us as more than dating, and she would not date any other guys) that lead me to believe otherwise. I think we just went about the relationship the wrong way and tried to force a romance way to fast, and that kind of split us up. I believe this is the reason why because she told me she has never had a serious relations ship and only dated guys for 1-2 months. Their might not have been strong feelings (it was only 5 weeks so how strong of feelings can you have) but I believe there were some feelings there. We had oral sex, what girl would do that to a guy she felt absolutely nothing for. Anyway we talked about this, I told her how I felt, and we decided to not talk for a month or so and then reconnect as friends since she said she had no romantic feelings towards me.

I am fully aware it’s a horrible idea to be friends with an ex, but she was never an ex we just dated for 5 weeks, the relationship never got that far. I will not be going into it trying to get her back or trying to force thing, that’s the mistake we made the first time around. However, I do know that feelings change, emotions change, and relationships grow. I feel like maybe by approaching things differently - not having expectations, not trying to force a romance or force anything, and just going with the flow, that’s when a romance can actually grow. I think changing the whole dynamic of our relationship can change a lot of things. I’m just looking for opinions on this. Have you heard of this happening before? Am I wrong for being somewhat hopeful that maybe some time down the road, maybe not in a few weeks maybe not even in a few months, but sometime there might be a romance between us? I feel like there was something between us, again it was only 5 weeks so I’m not going to lie and say it was a lot, but defiantly something, we just really screwed things up by forcing things and moving too fast.
Thanks for all your help

[Gigabitch]

Generally, if it's going to happen, there's a spark at the very beginning. It's chemistry, it's important, and you two apparently don't have it. I don't see a problem with being friends with her, but I'd give up on any romantic ambitions.

[kasperstuntman]

Generally, if it's going to happen, there's a spark at the very beginning. It's chemistry, it's important, and you two apparently don't have it. I don't see a problem with being friends with her, but I'd give up on any romantic ambitions.

I agree with that. And maybe it was just me but I felt a spark, I felt like there was chemistry between us. Do you really talk to someone everyday, see them 4 times a week, tell them you like them more than any other guys you date, tell them you don't want to date other guys, send them text messages 20 seconds after they leave your house telling them that you miss them already, spend the night in Atlantic City with them, by them gifts when you are on vacations, tell them for the first 5 minutes they get into your car that you missed me like 10 times when its only been 2 days since we have seen each other, tell them that you are so bummed that you cant spend valentines day with them since you are away on vacation, bake them cookies by them a card and a bottle of wine for their half birthday,not to mentions all of the sexual stuff we would do, if there is no spark and no chemistry? And why would you wait 5 almost 6 weeks to tell me this. Like you said you usually know in the beginning i know i can tell within the first week defiantly within the first 2 weeks.
This is what i'm having a hard time with, why would she do these things if nothign was there. That's why i truly believe she got scared that things were moving way to fast. When i asked her about all these things she would say "i dont know what to tell you, i dont know what you want me to say" or "i was drinking". I dont by the drinking answers, alcohol usually makes the truth come out.

[vashti]

I think it is possible that early on, when you first started dating her, she behaved that way because she was trying to force feelings for a guy she thought she could (or should) like, but as time wore on, she realized she just didn't have them.

And yes, some girls will engage in oral sex without being head-over-heels.

[kasperstuntman]

I think it is possible that early on, when you first started dating her, she behaved that way because she was trying to force feelings for a guy she thought she could (or should) like, but as time wore on, she realized she just didn't have them.

And yes, some girls will engage in oral sex without being head-over-heels.

Ok again I agree. What if i told you we spent the night together in Atlantic City two days before we ended things. And she told me she saw as more than dating and that she would not date anyone else 4 days before things ended. And she bought me the gifts home from vacation just 6 days before things ended. These things did not happen early on they happened towards the end.

Im sorry it probably seems like im trying to come up with excuses for everything. Im just very very confused by the situation.

[vashti]

I understand why you are confused, but really: you should just take her at her word and move on. Maybe she met someone else she is interested in... who knows?