Can you read between the lines?

[everton11]

Its been almost a year since I was seeing this girl. Well, long story short I met her through my job, and later on we start hanging out, about three months afterward I took her out on a date, bought her flowers, and she said, "You are different than the guys before, but I want us to keep hanging out as friends and see..."

I did that, and a few more months later I asked if we are going to be together (I know, now I realize never to ask for relationship...), and her response is:

"You are nice, the best at everything, but we both have so much going on right now. A relationship doesn't mean we will be happy, we are perfect the way we are now. No pressure, we don't have to argue, we are free to do what we want. Why do you want to mess it up? Yes, I thought about having a relationship with you, but I want to just let things flow, and see where it takes us. What meant to happen will happen."

Well, at the time, I took this response as that:

She is either interest in going out with someone else or holding out for someone better. Either way, I'm the back up. I have done that and been burn before so I basically stop talking to her since.

Now that I think back to it, she must have been interest in me in the beginning. But I lack confidence, the entire time I was with her I shown her how low my self-esteem was and explained to her how much I was haunted by girl before. I was always available for her whenever she needed something.

Perhaps I was being a loser and she sensed it? And it led to the ultimate result of she losing her interest in me, but knowing that I was nice to her, she wanted to keep me around her?

What do you all think?

[Doc Durian]

There's nothing wrong with wanting to take things to the next level after numerous months of getting to know each other.

She sounds like she prefers to fence sit.

Don't bag yourself. You did the right thing for yourself.

(although it's best to not talk about previous relationships in a newer relationship. Work out yourself and start afresh.)

[Peter Pry]

Now that I think back to it, she must have been interest in me in the beginning. But I lack confidence, the entire time I was with her I shown her how low my self-esteem was and explained to her how much I was haunted by girl before.

That'll do it. People want to be with people who are fun to be with. Not people who are insecure and brooding over their exes.

[everton11]

Yeah, but can't she look past that fact? I was that way exactly because girls would do this kind of stuff to me. I rather she just came out saying, "No, sorry, but I don't really want to be with you."

Just say no!

[lastwish]

She is probably already getting bored of you. Don't get me wrong, girls love dates and flowers. But what else are you doing besides that? Are you creating romance? Dates and flowers doesn't neccesarily mean romance. Telling her about your emotional baggages probably didn't create that with her. Women want the strong men, not pussies who are still emotionally strung along by the memories of their exes (you reveal your emotionaly vulnerability only rarely and in special circumstances. But that is another topic).

And just because she isn't stating exactly "I'm not into you", her actions certainly shows you very loudly that she isn't interested.

Let her go and tell her you are fine with the friendship arrangement. Date other girls and don't make the same mistakes with them. Which means, don't spill out your heart and soul, telling them about your exes from the very beginning.

[Peter Pry]

Yeah, but can't she look past that fact?

No, she is not required to look past the things that make you unattractive to her. Without attraction, there can be no relationship.

I was that way exactly because girls would do this kind of stuff to me.

Quit yer whinin'.

I rather she just came out saying, "No, sorry, but I don't really want to be with you."

"I thought about having a relationship with you, BUT...." is logically equivalent to "No, sorry, I don't want to be with you." You KNOW that. That's why you asked the question. You're just looking for reasons to play the broken victim here, which is only setting you up to be rejected again by the next girl. Get out of this cycle. Stop depending on others for your sense of self-worth. Get victimhood out of your self-identity. Accept her response for what it is, without laying blame on anyone or feeling sorry for yourself, and move on.

[everton11]

I guess I'm just not good at this dating game... I'm sorry but I think it is too late for me move on.

I just need to be able to be okay by myself and not want to be with anyone.

Thanks.

[Doc Durian]

Grow a dick and use it wherever it can pleasure you, mate.

That "never going to hook up/always single" resignation is the mark of a dead man walking.

Being okay with yourself is important. Once you get there, being okay with a prospective partner is a whole lot easier.