I have trouble with all kinds of things

[the_robot]

Like for instance, hugging. I've had a few girls try to hug me, but almost every time I've just refused because I don't like contact with someone I don't trust, it just seems like lying to me.

So, about three years ago, one of the few girls that I actually would hug tried to hug me once because we were not going to see each other much since that day, and we had been good friends for about 6 years... but since I've never hugged anyone (not counting what I might or might not have done as a baby) I didn't know what to do with my hands, I could not think of anywhere to put them because everywhere seemed inappropriate... I ended up with my hands next to me, I don't think she took it wrong because she has been reminding me the 2 times I've seen her since that day that I owe her a kiss, but I still feel bad for that one.

Am I just completely nuts, or is it normal feeling that way "the first time"? I sometimes think I have a fobia to contact or something, I don't really know why..

[erik]

Sounds like you suffer from some form of Love Shyness - google it

[the_robot]

Sounds like you suffer from some form of Love Shyness - google it

I just read what wikipedia says about it. It sounds like me in most of the points, but there's one major point where I don't fit; I don't get anxious talking to women or anything like it, I can talk to them exactly the same I talk to a guy or even easier. I have problems "socializing" mostly because of lack of interest and because when I'm with someone I don't know, I don't know what to talk about, so unless they start a conversation I never do, but not actual anxiety.

[QueenofCorona]

I used to be kind of like that, no shame. I just did not grow up in a loving household where we hugged.

It will get better with time and practice. If someone you are very comfortable with and you have affection for...I'm not saying sexual per se but like a good girlfriend. Nothing wrong with putting your hands in the middle of her back and sort of softly patting or towards the lower part of her back. I would hug at a comfortable pressure, not too tight but not wimpy either.

If its someone you are sexually attracted to I think its ok to place your hands lower or to hug closer/tighter.

Remember, if someone initiates the hug they obviously are ok with you touching them so don't hold back or feel weird about it. Not only that if you freeze up and do the awkward half assed hug it might make the person on the receiving end feel like you don't like them or aren't comforable getting near you and take it personal.

[dewilliams2]

I don't know, I just checked that list out because I don't really like hugging people but I don't fit any of that.

Like you said I have no problem being with women....I just have my own personal space...now in terms of being with a woman I enjoy that doesn't bother me but like every once in awhile you come across that person who just has to touch far to much...I really don't like that...step the **** off.

You wanta know what to do?...hug her and put your arms above hers if she hugs you around the waste and keep your hands on her back...if she hugs you around the neck your arms go under hers and you put your hands in the middle to arch of her back...if you wanta go for an ass squeeze that will work to...I hope you don't need directions to her ass.

Seriously the best way to get over something that bothers you or you are nervous about is to just do it....I mean unless you poke her in the eyes when she hugs you I really don't think you can mess up a hug.

[erik]

I just read what wikipedia says about it. It sounds like me in most of the points, but there's one major point where I don't fit; I don't get anxious talking to women or anything like it, I can talk to them exactly the same I talk to a guy or even easier. I have problems "socializing" mostly because of lack of interest and because when I'm with someone I don't know, I don't know what to talk about, so unless they start a conversation I never do, but not actual anxiety.

Do you have a desire for romance and would you get anxious if a female suddenly showed romantic interest towards you? If thats the case then you probably suffer from some for of it, along with other things I'm sure. I'm guessing you probably don't even consider the women you talk to as being a potential girlfriend

[the_robot]

Remember, if someone initiates the hug they obviously are ok with you touching them so don't hold back or feel weird about it. Not only that if you freeze up and do the awkward half assed hug it might make the person on the receiving end feel like you don't like them or aren't comforable getting near you and take it personal.

That's a good point I never thought about.. this case wasn't sexual, if it had been anything related to it I suppose I'd not have the problem of feeling innappropriate. I guess I just have to learn to do it as you say, middle back, hopefully I'll get to practice some day...

You wanta know what to do?...hug her and put your arms above hers if she hugs you around the waste and keep your hands on her back...if she hugs you around the neck your arms go under hers and you put your hands in the middle to arch of her back...if you wanta go for an ass squeeze that will work to...I hope you don't need directions to her ass.

Seriously the best way to get over something that bothers you or you are nervous about is to just do it....I mean unless you poke her in the eyes when she hugs you I really don't think you can mess up a hug.

haha, I don't think I'd be able to "go for an ass squeeze" by far, not yet at least.. that would make me too nervous for sure. I always think I can mess up things, and I've proved me right too often, so better not to think too positively.

Do you have a desire for romance and would you get anxious if a female suddenly showed romantic interest towards you? If thats the case then you probably suffer from some for of it, along with other things I'm sure. I'm guessing you probably don't even consider the women you talk to as being a potential girlfriend

I do have desire for "romance", but about getting anxious, I'm not so sure, if I found "the girl of my dreams" and she showed interest, I think I would get anxious, but that's probably normal.
About considering them potential girlfriends.. the only women I've talked in the last 3 years have been pretty much family and the crazy girl I mentioned in another post.. that girl did show interest for me and I didn't get anxious and I did think of her as a possible girlfriend, still do even though it seems doomed. Other than that, I haven't thought of more than other girl as possible girlfriend, but that was 5 years ago..

[dewilliams2]

You really just need to build up your confidence...and the best way to do that is to like I said just do it....I'm telling you...if you mess something up no worries...I don't think you will be shot in the face for it....and if its so humiliating that you never want to see that person again...then do what you can to not see them again....there are so many people int he world your bound to find somebody who you will get it right with or who doesn't really care...I mean we are just talking about a hug.

Why don't you start with small steps....brush your arm up against hers while your walking, put your hand in the center of her back and use a little force if you are trying to get around her or if you wish for her to go forward....its all contact and its not a huge deal....grab her hand while your talking to her when you are wanting to bring emphasis to your meaning...just give it a quick squeeze. ...and if you can bring yourself to hold her hand.

[the_robot]

You are right about that, I'd try to do as you say, but I have to find someone first... or take a plane to go from one side of the atlantic ocean to the opposite one.

[dewilliams2]

What about the girl that wants a kiss from you? Your never gonna see her again?

I suppose you just need to get out an meet some new people...don't set yourself up with any expectations other than meeting new people and I guarantee you will find a woman you are really interested in who shows interest in you...it always happens when your really not looking.

And then just relax and have fun and don't worry about anything.

[the_robot]

What about the girl that wants a kiss from you? Your never gonna see her again?

I suppose you just need to get out an meet some new people...don't set yourself up with any expectations other than meeting new people and I guarantee you will find a woman you are really interested in who shows interest in you...it always happens when your really not looking.

And then just relax and have fun and don't worry about anything.

No, I don't think I'll see her again because she was in another city, but even that way she is just a friend.

Meeting people is one of the things I have trouble with, I have very little free time, and the little I have I don't like to go to a bar full of people and get drunk like everyone does here, so I end up playing videogames or going for a walk alone, which is not a good way to meet people... My life pretty much sucks and it's my fault.

[dewilliams2]

Well its great that you have realized that what you don't like about your life is your fault.

Now change it.

You don't have to go to a bar to meet people.

A lot of people have similar interests as you...you enjoy video games?...go to a gaming convention or something like that....is there a local university near you?...There are tons of clubs at my school...there is a club for everything here.

Just get out, you like taking walks? Walk through the park and begin a conversation with a woman that catches your eye...I mean not all creepy but if you see her doing something you can have a conversation about then talk to her....people are everywhere...if you ask me there are actually to damn many of us and we're certainly not all at the bar.

[the_robot]

A lot of people have similar interests as you...you enjoy video games?...go to a gaming convention or something like that....is there a local university near you?...There are tons of clubs at my school...there is a club for everything here.

Just get out, you like taking walks? Walk through the park and begin a conversation with a woman that catches your eye...I mean not all creepy but if you see her doing something you can have a conversation about then talk to her....people are everywhere...if you ask me there are actually to damn many of us and we're certainly not all at the bar.

Yeah, there's 3 or 4 universities near me and I go to one, but I don't know of "clubs for everything there", I know of geeky clubs for things related to university and professional stuff, but not more than that... And those are full of guys...

I've never seen any girl that caught my eye when going for a walk, only a couple of women have caught my eye in the last year and both situations were when I was late somewhere and those women were like too much for me... It's hard for anyone to catch my attention if all I have is looks, because they have to look extremely good for me to even realize they are there... I ask too much of everything I suppose.

[dewilliams2]

Nerd girls are awesome...they are so much fun...at least in my opinion....look for clubs that mostly women would want to be in. In high school I joined an all girls club...they couldn't tell me I couldn't join...but ya know why I joined? because their meetings were directly between track practice and band practice (yea I was a band geek bite me)....so their meetings were between those practices so I didn't have to go home, they always had free food, and it was full of women...I basically did nothing except eat their food and flirt with girls for an hour.

Don't think of it when your out walking as your looking for your sole-mate...I'm just saying you need to practice talking and socializing with women...they don't have to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Certainly if your looking for supermodels your probably screwed....bump them standards down a bit if that is the case.

[the_robot]

Nerd girls are awesome...they are so much fun...at least in my opinion....look for clubs that mostly women would want to be in. In high school I joined an all girls club...they couldn't tell me I couldn't join...but ya know why I joined? because their meetings were directly between track practice and band practice (yea I was a band geek bite me)....so their meetings were between those practices so I didn't have to go home, they always had free food, and it was full of women...I basically did nothing except eat their food and flirt with girls for an hour.

Don't think of it when your out walking as your looking for your sole-mate...I'm just saying you need to practice talking and socializing with women...they don't have to be the most beautiful girl in the world. Certainly if your looking for supermodels your probably screwed....bump them standards down a bit if that is the case.

Yeah, my "dream girl" has to be a quite a bit nerdy.. at least enough to understand my jokes because I'm king of nerds. I think I could use a teacher friend of mine to get to talk to some girls, because he has girls in his office every day and they ought to be a bit nerdy considering they are studying engineering... I get your point, it's just a matter of learning how to socialize, it's not really looking for anything, so I'll try.

I don't really look for supermodels, but if they catch my attention when I'm going somewhere it's either because they are close to being one, or they did something weird.