Dilemma of my affair with a younger girl in a relationship!

[confusedsquare]

I am breaking up from a long term relationship and last month met up with a girl who is 12 years younger - I am 35 and she is 22. She has a boyfriend so I didn't expect anything to happen. We both train together in the gym and started flirting a bit which lead to chats on IM,daily Facebook messages, meeting in parks whenever we got a chance. As I found her attractive, I thought of her as a distraction to relieve the pain of my break-up but since things have moved too quick,a bit too far.

We both enjoy each others company intensely and have been kissing intimately and making out, whenever we get a chance on our own - although I have been avoiding taking it any further at this stage. She seems to be in a ''trusting' / 'happy' relationship and says that she feels bad about what she is doing but says that she likes my company as I make her feel alive again and wants to continue. We both love being together and always look forward to meeting but unlike me she does not express her feelings in words openly. I have a few questions/concerns that I need help with:

- Is she pretending that she is in a happy relationship but that may not be true?
- If she is just looking for an physical relationship, then why does she like to take the risk of meeting up in public places and always act so happy when she is with me?
- Also, in addition to a physical relationship, I may be looking for something emotional as well so I could be falling for someone who I cannot rely on for emotional support. On the other hand I don't want to give up with her Please advice!

[Kaius]

You two are in completely different universes. 12 years is a lot. 12 years ago I was 23, and I just got married.... I was young and stupid, with no sense of anything. Now I am so much more wiser.....a completely different person. Superficially and physically you may find attraction, but this is not gonna last. Just have fun....don't be so serious.

[OneQuestion]

... stop kissing her and being sexual with her... SHE HAS A BOYFRIEND.... stop promoting cheating!

[sookie6]

I've read carefully through your post and will try to share my thoughts and avoid judging ot criticising.

We're all humans and am pretty sure we all have been in situations when we did not always do the right things.

I think your girl is as confused as you are.

To me 23 is too young to make a long term commitment to someone. Chances are that her bfriend is more or less her very first commited relationship so she is still learning about men and what she is looking for in a man.

So confusion confusion! And the opportunity to explore new territories with an experienced man! No doubts she finds you sexy and attractive.

You need to be careful though as her inability to break -up with her bfriend and at least be honest with him shows her weakness in handling emotional affairs and some cowardice.

If you don't want to be hurt again, someone needs to be a grown up here;..and I guess it's you.

You're on the rebound...find a girl who is available to recover from past issues at your own pace.

Do not add up to your current issues.

At least this is my advice.

My opinion is also that since she is able now to 'cheat' on someone she might do it again in the future. She seems cute and lovely, but spineless...


I also get the feeling that should she make herself available to start a relationship with you, she might get very full-on and emotional with you (as young girls do)...is this something you could handle?


Anway...we're all gonna give you some piece of advice here but at the end of the day, you know her, you know yourself so it's your decision.