Redemption

[dipuc cupid]

Well, if any of yous have seen my previous posts you will see that me and my girlfriend had a bit of a rough patch because of something i unwillingly done before i knew her.

It was annoying me but it stopped. She would ask me something about it every so often and although it annoyed me, i didn't tell her it was and I just answered her question.

I went on a trip with my PE class to do some mountain walking. She said that I would cheat on her an' whatever (even though i've never cheated before and certainly wouldn't start doing it with her). That annoyed me an' whatever we had a row when I got back because i saw on FB that she had invited people to her house for a drink the night I get back and said that I was invited. I tried giving her the silent treatment by not talkin' to her, she turned up at my house an' we sorted it. Everything was cool.

Friday night, I'm in a really bad mood for no apparent reason. She asks how I am and what's wrong ( I don't like it when people ask this). We argue a bit over messenger, then a bit on texts. I was going to see her at her house but was going to go out with my mate of 14 years for an hour before i went... She ended up goin' out with her brother an' i met her in town. I ended up going mad and hitting things, confronting passers by because they made comments that i was hitting my girlfriend (i hate being accused of things)... Got sorted an' what not...

Later on that night we went to my mate's for a drink before we went to town for his 18th. There was a lad who seemed to take a liking to her an' kept tryin' to talk to her an' whatever. In the taxi to town he jumped at sitting next to her (I wasn't bothered like). We got to the club an' she knows i'm not a dancer although we do usually dance but taking the piss . She walked off and that lad followed her an' they were dancing. He was supposedly getting dared by my girlfriend to try it on with girls in the club. I got annoyed because i thought she was like "**** you then i'll dance with him" and that they'd gone to dance with each other (which they never)...

I went and sat on my own. My other mates went and told her that I was annoyed (I didn't want them to).

She came and found me and i was actually horrible to her again. We argued. We got outside the club because I stormed off. We argued again an' whatever. She fainted an' I didn't know what to do so i called an ambulance. I went with her and waited with her. Her dad came to the hospital and was cool with me because her family do like me (my family think she's an amazing girl too). Does this show that I do care, that I waited?

We had a talk today and got some things off our chest I told her that I had let things build up stupidly and she said I should've told her about the little things when they came about so that she could sort it. She also told me that the past 2 days she's willing to forget an' get on with the way we are, we are amazing together. She said if i carry on, then that would be us finished because she doesn't want to be with someone that doesn't treat her good. She said that I am amazing with her and compared to previous relationships too and she doesn't want me to turn against her.

I feel so bad that I had done this to her, like seriously, awful.

I just want to know how to redeem myself. Any help?

Thanks

[cmacattack1]

You start by acknowledging everything you did wrong. You gave her silent treatment, that's a big no-no. That's emotionally withholding from your girlfriend and is abuse. Another thing is if you want this to work and progress, you are going to have to open up to her. I know it's not easy and everybody opens up at their own pace but if you do not talk about what's bothering you, she will automatically take it personally. If she doesn't, more power to her for her self confidence and comfort in her own skin. When we care about somebody and they treat us like that, we think it's something we did wrong. You would feel the same way if she did it to you. You are also getting angry and hitting things and being rude to people. I don't know what your girlfriend really sees in you, but this kind of behavior shouldn't be tolerated.

This kind of behavior is actually pushing her away and she will eventually want to be with somebody else if it continues. She may feel attached to you right now but I'm telling you that if you don't make a serious effort to change your behavior and curb your attitude, you will lose her. I'm actually shocked and amazed you came on here looking for help while you still have her. You found this cancer early and you have the power to make your relationship stronger and better.

You sound like you are worried about how you appear to others. You want to know if you are being a good boyfriend or does it mean you care? How do you FEEL about it? What does being a good boyfriend really mean to you? You may at times show you care but at other times you act in total disregard to her. Even if you meet the bare minimum requirements of being a boyfriend (not cheating, not physically abusive) you will still lose her. I promise you.

You guys are very close to losing it and even now I can't guarentee that you will be able to salvage it. It has to start now. You have to be self aware of your own behavior, you have to understand how to handle your anger and jealousy and find ways to vent that on your own without mistreating her (ignoring her, yelling at her) in the process. It takes some serious growing up and the sooner you do the better off you will be.