Trust issues

[JaCzi]

I've been seeing this guy for about a month now and we decided last night that we are officially together. I really like him.. Hes alot older than me tho which isn't really a problem for me. I just don't know how older guys are in relationships and if hes taking it seriously or not. When we first got together he recieved a text message from a chic saying i'll have sex with you if you want me to.. and then she called him a few hours later yelling are you in bed with another chic..he said no i'm really tired i wanna go to sleep and got off the phone. Hes really nice to me makes me coffee every morning and says the sweetest things to me always wants to spend heaps of time with me.. but i've seen dialed and recieved calls in hes phone from this chic.. 5 days ago. and i called him tonight at 7 and he was whispering and really blunt not himself i called him again at 9:30 and he was like i'm in bed sleeping..n was really blunt again.. i stay with him alot and he usually doesn't go to bed this early.. i stayed there last night and we slept all day today. I don't know if im just paranoid and causing problems for no reason.. but i don't know if theres a pattern here or not.. ? would like an opinion. also would love some advice on how to approach this situation without making myself look like an idiot.

[OneQuestion]

You can do a couple things.

1. You can say nothing to him, but check up on his phone sometimes and see if there are continuous texts/calls from this girl. If so, and they are sleeping together, then you can leave the relationship.

2. You can talk to the guy about this. But don't accuse yet. Just say you aren't comfortable with him talking to this girl who said she would "sleep with him". If he wants to be 'officially' together, then he shouldn't be talking to other girls who want to sleep with him.

[the_doggoned]

I wouldn't continue sneaking peeks at his phone and his text messages. That's just a bad way to start a relationship. It's already opening doors towards distrust. Your best bet is to just confront him about him talking to her. Just tell him it makes you uncomfortable that he talks to a girl who wants to sleep with him, when he's in a relationship with you. See how he responds. If he thinks you're being crazy, then there's definitely a conflict of interest unfortunately...

[JaCzi]

Can't do number two because he doesn't know i know.

[starbuck]

Don't mislabel yourself as paranoid. Your own intuition is probably one of the best detectors of sneaky behavior. I say trust your gut. If something smells off about his behavior, then he's probably hiding something. The whispering on the phone with you, avoidance, rushing to get you off the phone...red flags IMO.

You could easily ask him if he's sleeping with other women, but he could easily lie. Trust issues this early are never a good sign. I'd not continue a relationship with this guy unless you're absolutely sure he's not sleeping with other women.

[Gigabitch]

Call her and ask her. It's perfectly obvious to me he's sleeping with her. You may as well know the truth.

[Incognito]

When we first got together he recieved a text message from a chic saying i'll have sex with you if you want me to.. and then she called him a few hours later yelling are you in bed with another chic..he said no i'm really tired i wanna go to sleep and got off the phone.......... and i called him tonight at 7 and he was whispering and really blunt not himself i called him again at 9:30 and he was like i'm in bed sleeping..n was really blunt again.. i stay with him alot and he usually doesn't go to bed this early.

Ok JaCzi. You wrote the above two sentences in your original post, not me. Look at them side by side and ask yourself what is really going on here. Bottom line: This guy is cheating on you and probably doesn't take you seriously. I'm not sure of the age difference here but look at this thread regarding another woman here who has a relationship with an older man.... Unfortunately I cannot find it after viewing every single thread that I've comment on since I've been here. I suspect that its been deleted. At any rate she was 20ish and he was in his mid 40s. She complained that he had gotten old, wrinkled, fat, bald, and that he passed gas all the time. She also mentioned that he just wanted to sit around, and watch TV (like most older people who slow down). She said that because of these things that she had lost all sexual attraction to him and didn't want to be with him anymore. I am paraphrasing the whole thread, but you get the gist of it. Make sure you keep that in mind when dating someone who is much older than you.

[jloranestes]

You are absolutly right ot be suspicious. This guy is shady at best. After one month, and you already don't tust him? Follow your gut right out his door and don't look back. Don't even give him the decency of an explaination since he can't even be straight about a one month commitment. Go gind a guy who will treat you right AND not sleep around on you.

Good luck.

[Mish]

but i've seen dialed and recieved calls in hes phone from this chic.. 5 days ago.

Ask him about what's going between him and her. If he says nothing, ask him why he is calling her? It will be interesting what his response will be.