Job Troubles

[lahnnabell]

So, most of you know that I'm employed again, which is super awesome! However, I'm having issues at work (who doesn't, I know) and I need some perspective.

I work at a small-ish family-owned cafe/restaurant in Chula Vista, CA which is just north of the California/Mexico border. I was originally hired as a barista, and have now worked my way into waitressing and managing the Front of House. I'm cross-trained as a cook, bartender, busser, hostess, etc. The restaurant itself is barely 6 months old (which causes a whole slew of issues on its own).

Recently my bosses (the owners and managers) told me that they wanted to promote me to a full-time managerial position. I think this is great, and I really want to continue to earn the responsibility because they trust me, but there are circumstances holding me back.

1. Lack of consistency. I've talked with my bosses about what a danger to the restaurant this is. I keep having to relearn how to do things because each manager does things differently. I'm unsure of how to cope with this, especially since I feel it is setting me back.

2. My boss told me that some of my coworkers find me too bossy. Again, I'm not sure how to rise above this. I'm usually a very thoughtful person, always saying "please" and "thank you" when someone does me a favor. I wonder if maybe it's just some people having issues with a young woman being in a position of power.

Any thoughts? I'm sure I've got more, but I'll think of it later.

[sookie6]

1. Lack of consistency. I've talked with my bosses about what a danger to the restaurant this is. I keep having to relearn how to do things because each manager does things differently. I'm unsure of how to cope with this, especially since I feel it is setting me back.

A very valid point. You want to improve efficiency at work. If your bosses agree on this, they are in a position to set up some basic rules. If it comes from them the staff will execute...you could discuss some basic procedures (keep them as simple as possible, you don't want to scare anyone off), even type something up to display but your bosses need to be the ones to impose these to the team.

2. My boss told me that some of my coworkers find me too bossy. Again, I'm not sure how to rise above this. I'm usually a very thoughtful person, always saying "please" and "thank you" when someone does me a favor. I wonder if maybe it's just some people having issues with a young woman being in a position of power.

Any thoughts? I'm sure I've got more, but I'll think of it later.

Probably your youth an intelligence is attracting a bit of resentment. Don't change for them. Once you are a manager the people who want to leave will leave if they are not happy and the people who want to stay will make the basis for strong team. Again your bosses need to support you in whatever issues, making everyone understand that when they are not in you are in charge.

In your line of work, the good news is that there is often a high turnover. And at some point you will be in a position to interview people and make a good team.

Unfortunately you as a manager your role is not to be liked. As long as you are fair people will not hate you though...and soon when they get used to you being in charge they will respect your authority.

I am impressed you've worked yourself up already. Well done Lannabell

[BubbleFreak]

2. My boss told me that some of my coworkers find me too bossy. Again, I'm not sure how to rise above this. I'm usually a very thoughtful person, always saying "please" and "thank you" when someone does me a favor. I wonder if maybe it's just some people having issues with a young woman being in a position of power.

I am more likely to respect someone that is bossy but tells me to do things that make sense, rather than someone who is bossy for the sake of it but says stupid things. I'd also much prefer a bossy person who knew what they were talking about rather than a boss who let staff do anything they wanted and didn't care much. So if you are someone who is apparently bossy but you tell people to do things with good justification if they ask, then I don't think that is even a weakness on your part. I see it as a strength, that you are able to see what needs to get done and get someone on it. Add to that, I'm sure people appreciate your good manners.

[dewilliams2]

You sound like a natural leader, somebody willing to take charge and run things without panicking....you also sound like you have a strong work ethic and take pride in your work even when it is not rocket science....I derived all of that because your description of what is going on sounds exactly how I am.

I usually don't have any problems with this because everybody at work seems willing to follow me...even the guy above me lets me call the shots on pretty much everything so I really can't help you.

What I can say is that when you are leading a group of people even when the decision lies with you make them feel included in the process...ask their opinions on how to do things...even if you don't do it like they said they will feel like at least they had your ear.

If there are still problems take a minute to explain to them why things are done a certain way...thats all I got...and keep using please and thank you...manners are always a good thin.

[vashti]

Part of being a good manager is knowing how to get people to be productive without making them resentful.

It's hard to know how to advise you without having some sort of example of you being "bossy".

[lahnnabell]

Thanks, guys! This is all great feedback!

Vash - You are totally right, and to be honest, my boss could not provide me with a specific example either. He simply said several people "came to him" and informed him that I was bossy, or rude, or asked them to do things I could simply do myself. I know for a fact that the only times I ever ask people to do anything for me is if I'm currently busy (running a plate, dessert decorating, sound check for the bands, greeting customers), or if I see someone standing around with nothing to do. The difficult part is that I am constantly busy. If I have downtime, I spend that detailing and cleaning and organizing. Perhaps filing our invoices may look like I'm doing nothing, but given how disorganized my bosses can be, it's a necessity.

I remember I told one of the baristas that I'd love it if she would organize the work table in the kitchen since it gets slow during the afternoon/night changeover. She looked at me like I told her to jump off a bridge. I simply said, "Well, we're all on the clock so we have to be doing something of use the restaurant." However, I think she and I became cool recently after I helped her through some drinks she was unfamiliar with. I made a point of doing that so that she knows that I am there to help and support.

The other kicker is... the language barrier! A good percentage of my coworkers and my customers are primarily Spanish speakers! The restaurant is owned by a Mexican family and it has a classic Mexican name attached to it. This makes communication a bitch sometimes. My Spanish is very good as well as my accent, and I get plenty of practice at work and I try really hard to keep at it.

My boss told me that despite what people said, he's not going to listen to it. He likes how I work and said it's very hard to find good employees. I can't help but feel I still have to redeem myself a little. I am frustrated and wish I knew which coworkers had said what so I could make some extra effort to clear the air. I'm at a loss though because as far as I know I will go from prepping sandwiches, stripping off the gloves and greeting customers, to pouring wine, to sound checking bands. I think I know what I have to do and my bosses are willing to give me some more time to work, and to give the staff more time to get used to the idea of me in charge.

[vashti]

I don't know what to say, lhanna. I don't speak any Spanish at all, but the Hispanic employees (I am referring primarily to CNAs and housekeeping because I have the authority to write them up) at my work seem very warm to me. They have commented favorably on my work ethic. (My housekeeper actually didn't believe I was American born because I help her clean my house.. haha) And i smile a lot. I never ask them to do anything - I just ask them to help me with this or that, and I participate in whatever activity that is. Obviously, I thank them, too.

Do your co-workers believe you work hard? or is it possible they think you aren't pulling your weight? It's a very warm culture... do they consider you warm and approachable? Or maybe a bit distant and cool?

[Gigabitch]

When you're full manager, you'll have some more authority.

I have many, many years in the restaurant business in my history. One thing I can say is that if you make it worth their while, people will start to fall in line with your vision. Inconsistency can be wiped out if you have the owner behind you. The place is so new you can establish good routines without changing some traditional way of doing things. To do this, you might have to be bossy sometimes. Who gives a shit? That's what happens when you're the boss. Don't get all hurt about it. You don't have to clear the air. Just do your job and expect them to do theirs. The manager is never going to be 100% popular with the staff, just like a teacher is never going to be 100% popular with a class. Some people just hate bosses.

Make sure the owners are behind you and start making some changes. You need a good employee manual to cut down on the way different managers have interpreted how things should be run. Get the owners to sign off on it and you're golden.

[lahnnabell]

These different managers and the owners are one in the same :-/

[lahnnabell]

I don't think I could be any warmer. I will drop whatever I'm doing to help them in the kitchen. I'll turn around and make coffee drinks if someone else is busy. I'll deliver wine to a table. There is NOTHING I won't do. This is expected of me as someone with a managerial mindset, and a person who is highly trained in each area.

All the PERSONAL interactions I've had with employees have been extremely positive. We practice English and Spanish together, we joke around a lot and laugh... So, I'm really clueless as to how their first reaction is that I'm bossy. I greet them all when they come in, say "please" and "thank you". I include them when I make grocery lists for the restaurant.

[starbuck]

Just go for it! Some of those employees may resent being told what to do while you're on the same level as them, but once you become the boss, my guess is the tables will turn and they'lll start sucking up to you.

There are some good management books out there that have some really great tips on how to handle difficult people, as well as general tips. The one I read when I became a manager was called "The First Time Manager" I think. I recommend it!

[dewilliams2]

In the end you have to do what needs to be done and as long as you keep putting out a good product (your performance)...then I don't see where there will be a problem.

Me and the owner I work for lock horns all the time...mainly because she got the business from her husband who passed away and she has no business sense...but as much as we disagree she keeps me around because as she has said she knows that she could not replace me....I made it my priority when I first started to learn everybodies job and it sounds like you have done the same thing.

Somebody with a strong work ethic and versatility is not somebody anyone is willing to get rid of...if there is a weak link on your job it isn't you it is the person who is not willing to jump on board and do their job.

[Gigabitch]

These different managers and the owners are one in the same :-/

Oh ****, oh dear.

[Asip4u]

If you are up for a challenge go for it. I turned that position down so many times because of what i experienced with other employees and bosses too. It's really hard to make everyone on the same page so the headaches were just not worth it.

[Doc Durian]

It tends to be a culture of position and ranking, even in the most menial of tasks. So if you're washing dishes, pouring drinks, etc etc... and on other occasions, asking them to carry out similar duties... it's a perception-cultural hiccup, possibly.

Can you imagine someone who would have liked to been offered your job, or aspires to it, doing a good percentage of the same sorts of tasks that you're doing, yet not receiving the same income, authority, respect from the owners? (despite the other tasks which you're being promoted for?)

You've got your fingers in every pie. That works for and against you.


And despite whatever friendships or respect you may have or they may have, people are there for money.


Be wary. Find the balance, delegate when possible, and manage instead of supplement. Walk softly but carry a big stick. The moment you tread water in your position or are perceived to be a soft target, the knives will come out... whether personal or not. Including those who've you enriched with your experience such as the drinks girl.

It may be a family business, but you're most visibly not part of the owner's family and not part of your ground staff's family.

Welcome to the multicultural family owned workplace.