In need of opinions! :S

[babybear]

Hello everybody, i'm new here and i'm in a major perdicament, any help here would be really apreciated.

So, ive been with my girlfriend for three months. We only went on three dates, the third one was just hanging at her place. We just rushed the whole thing!

We have had our problems, she's done many things to make me not trust her and we have had our arguments because these were big things. I do trust her alot more now.

For quite awhile, she hasnt really been bothering. Really just making no effort. If we spoke most of the time id be the one contacting her, which i regret now but didnt realise all this time.

I'm really into her. I know shes into me too but just not as much i don't think.

She has alot of things going on in her life atm. She's depressed and stuff.

We just got off a break about 2 weeks ago and we saw eachother and sorted things out a bit. She told me to go to hers for 4:00PM when i got there she was still in bed, her place was a mess, she wasnt dressed, didnt brush her teeth or shower, she was ment to meet me outside but she didnt. Just no effort at all.

The night before last she dumped me...By text.

Very hartbroken, i went around her place at 9:00AM yesterday to pick up some dvds i had borrowed her like we had arrainged.

She told me to go straight in, so i did. when i went in i was compleatly shocked. She was wide awake, hair and makeup done dressed nicely, the place was compleatly spotless, she made a big effort. She wasnt going out anywhere, she did it all for me...Even though she was dumping me?

I was planning on just going in, getting my stuff, finding out why i got dumped out of nowhere and why she decided to dissrespect me so much by dumping me by text when i deserve more then that. I was just going to go there, listen to any mean things she has to say so i can learn from it. Then leave and try to go on with my life...Really wasnt looking forward to that part.

She told me she regretted doing it by text, and agreed when i told her how mean it was.

I asked why she's ending it other then the stuff that had happend before?

She told me that sometimes i can be quite condacending. I can kinda see why she'd say that looking back, i don't think it was really bad though. Just annoying sometimes maybe.

It kinda hurt to hear that, thats what she was thinking and i didnt know all this time. It's hard to not do somthing that you don't notice your doing.

She also said that, basicly i was too much. Again, i can see why she'd say that. Last year i lost half of my family and all of my friends and my whole lifestyle. I had social anxiety dissorder and didnt leave the house for almost a year. I really don't have anybody.

So then i get this girl in my life who i adore and she becomes my life and all i really think about. I don't really have anybody els to talk to...Ive wanted that for so long...

So you can see why i could get a bit smothering, i just didnt realise all this time i was. It was common sence really. But she still should have let me know.

But we decided to stay together, but just be more casual with it.

I know she's having second thoughts, i just feel it. And i am a bit too.

So my question is...Should i just let her control the pace and let her make all the effort and see how it goes? Or should i just end it and not be with sombody who dosnt really feel the same way and just wants a really casual relationship?

All i really wanted to do was see her every few days. But sometimes she'd go a week without wanting to see me. I make all the effort, she dosnt make any at all.

Maybe i should stay with her just to have sombody to hang with sometimes. Theres nobody els. And i do love her, just more then she loves me i think.

Or leave, and find sombody who does make a bit of effort. Atleast benifit of the doubt material, i don't want anybody els but id just need to gt over her first.

What you think? Thanks for reading btw...

[V3ltr0]

maybe you shouldn't tell us that she means the world to you but maybe you should tell her. So she can see that you'll go through a fire for her and maybe she'll realize that she can be very happy with you. As for the breaking up part, i think that that wasn't a great move, if you have problems in your relationship you should tell eachother so you can watch it and learn from your mistakes, to become an even beter couple. but this is just my view of things; Just do what you think is good and be honest with her, tell her how you feel and things will work out fine

greets

joe

[babybear]

I'm really sorry that it turned into an essay btw...Atm i think i'll stay with her and see what comes of it...But please still give your opinions because i'll probably start doubting myself again in like...20mins. Thanks guys.

[V3ltr0]

I know that you're uncertain about things but just try to relaxe and just tell her how you feel; it'll really make things easier for you and her

[babybear]

She already knows id do anything for her...We are battle tested as far as that goes lol.

Thankyou though, that is reasureing, you don't seem to think it's doomed so it does boost morall lol. Sorry for my spelling.

[Jas_mine]

Hmmm, loneliness is never a good enough reason to stay with somebody. Maybe you should tone down the intensity and give her some space to breathe because at the mo it seems like you are suffocating her. Withdraw yourself for a while, stop chasing her, let her come to you. However, if this doesn't work then it's quite possibly time to say your goodbyes - relationships should be mutually beneficial, you should both be getting your needs met and if this is not the case then you should part ways and find somebody that you can be yourself with, somebody who will appreciate your 'intensity'!

[babybear]

Thats one of the reasons...But i do really love her, she means alot to me.

Yeah, thats what i was thinking...I'm not going to make any effort to contact her, that way she can have full controll of the pace we move at. And i'm ok with that. I think i just developed feelings alot quicker, we have only been together for three months so maybe she'll catch up in time.

Thankyou for the post

[sookie6]

IU was with someone who had stron emotional needs and it is extra pressure to a partner.

As bad as this sounds you should have let her go in the first place.

It feels like you got her to stay out of an emotional blackmail. Most women have a strong motherly and protective streak.

You should try to sort your life out, stand by yourself.

Take a break from the realtionship for a few weeks and try to keep her as a friend. But to ask her this level of support when sqhe already feels smothered in selfish.

There are other venues where you can find emotional support: support groups, friends, sports activities, studying...

[babybear]

Yeah thats good advice, i don't feel like my social anxiety dissorder comes up alot though...But now ive just found out that, thats the problem really, i think i can just take a big backstep.

Before, i thought she just wasnt bothered but now i see that maybe she was just trying to take things slower. I guess i am ok with taking things slower, if she wants to talk to me she'll call. If she wants to hang out she'll arainge that. Balls in her cort now...

I did plan on letting her go. But after seeing the uncharicteristic effort she'd made it did make me think she thought she made the wrong move and didnt wanna split up just yet. Maybe that was a silly thing to do, i just really didnt wanna end it and i don't think she did ether. Even though it makes a bit of sence...

[sookie6]

Yeah thats good advice, i don't feel like my social anxiety dissorder comes up alot though...But now ive just found out that, thats the problem really, i think i can just take a big backstep.

Before, i thought she just wasnt bothered but now i see that maybe she was just trying to take things slower. I guess i am ok with taking things slower, if she wants to talk to me she'll call. If she wants to hang out she'll arainge that. Balls in her cort now...

I did plan on letting her go. But after seeing the uncharicteristic effort she'd made it did make me think she thought she made the wrong move and didnt wanna split up just yet. Maybe that was a silly thing to do, i just really didnt wanna end it and i don't think she did ether. Even though it makes a bit of sence...

I wish you the best. Bottom line is whatever our advice you are the one who knows her. So it's your call

[babybear]

Thankyou, yeah, it's up to me at the end of the day. Others opinions are always helpfull though, wether it's conferming what i think or giving me another angle to look at it from. Thanks everybody!