Do straight men in their 20s ever want to just be friends?

[BubbleFreak]

Ok, so my boyfriend tells me that no, guys don't make friends with girls unless they want to be more than friends. Maybe I am clueless to advances, I dunno, but I often do not think anything of it when strange men talk to me.

Here is a recent scenario:

I work in a cinema. This guy and two girls came in to see a movie. Throughout the movie he kept coming out to chat to me, and once to get coffee and lingered a bit before going back into the cinema. Talked about any random crap, asked me about myself, talked a bit about himself. When he asked me when I would be working again, I remembered my boyfreind's warning about strange men, and I said the first excuse that came to mind like "oh I've got to clean toilets now, bye". He looked a bit embaressed and then went back into the cinema.

Anyways, there could've been heaps of reasons he talked to me rather than watching the movie with the two girls he came in with. I should've asked him why he was talking to me instead, but didn't think of it at the time. But yeah I think that there could've been lots of reasons for this strange iinteraction, and that he didn't necesarily want to ask me out. What do you think?

And just in general, do straight men ever make friends with a girl just to be friends?

[ftm]

A guy does not repeatedly leave a movie in progress to talk to a girl who works at the theater if he only wants to be pals, unless he is gay and looking for fashion tips because he noticed your great sense of style as he was coming in. Otherwise, the guy wanted into your pants.

Anyway, as a guy in his 20's, I will try to answer your overall question. Assuming you are a physically fit gal, I can tell you that the answer is both yes, and no. Yes, guys CAN be just friends, but generally they don't WANT to be just friends. Meaning that most men you know have probably already imagined you naked, oggled your breasts, and thought about you in various compromising positions. It doesn't mean they've obsessed over it or have had long lingering fantasies or have gotten themselves off to it necessarily -- it just means that the thoughts have, at least, occurred to them. You shouldn't fault men for this. We are biologically programmed to think this way, and this programming is most powerful when we are in our 20s.

Men in their 20s can, and will, approach you with the intention of being just friends. But there's generally not a brick wall there. In their mind, they know that given the right set of circumstances they could, and would, go to bed with you. It doesn't mean they are necessarily going to TRY to make this happen -- For example, maybe they are in a committed relationship, or they see that you are and respect your boundaries -- but that they have already imagined the possibility and are probably quite open to it if the time and place were right.

That being said, men and women CAN be just friends, and you shouldn't run in terror if some guy seems to want to be your friend. Just understand that men don't have the same boundaries as women when it comes to defining "friendship". Our categories are fluid, and subject to change.

[the_robot]

And just in general, do straight men ever make friends with a girl just to be friends?

Yes, absolutely.

This guy sounds like he was fishing though.

[sehvral]

Yeah, we can. Most of my close friends are attractive women, and I would never make a move on any of them.

This guy, on the other hand, was almost certainly not trying to just make a new friend.

[dewilliams2]

I'm 23, I have more female friends than male ones...but it genearlly has to do with I flirt with pretty much all women.

I mean all of my female friends I would have sex with and I'd probably try a relationship with them if I wasn't already in one so I don't know...its hard to say what my intentions are subconsciously.

[xxazurexx]

In my experiences, men who wanted to be friends with me is because they always wanted more. I can't think of ONE guy, who genuinely wanted to be my friend.
When they didn't get more, they didn't want to be my friend either.....hence is why I don't have man friends.

[vashti]

I mean all of my female friends I would have sex with and I'd probably try a relationship with them if I wasn't already in one

Yeah, that's pretty much true for me, too.

[BubbleFreak]

I have a few men as friends who I still talk to regularly... but I have known them since we were about 12... would it be different in that case?

[dono01]

It is true that a man is capable of talking to random women for non sexual reasons, but this is usually not the case. It seems girls are always quick too quick to give men the benefit of the doubt.

[BubbleFreak]

It seems girls are always quick too quick to give men the benefit of the doubt.

I was actually saying I don't usually suspect that men have ulterior motives for talking to me. I was a fat kid, felt very unattractive back then, but I lost a lot of weight and am almost unrecognisable these days, but a bit of the ugly girl mentality has stuck with me. The thought often doesn't cross my mind that a man has sexual interests in me, unless someone else points it out. So, I am really the opposite of what you have said.

This entire thread has consisted of pretty much the same message over and over though, so I think I get it now, and my boyfriend can say "i told you so"

[the_robot]

Ok, maybe I am gay and that's why I have female friends whom I have no interest for except for friendship.

[Gigabitch]

I have a few men as friends who I still talk to regularly... but I have known them since we were about 12... would it be different in that case?

That just means they've been thinking about you while they spank the monkey since they were 12.

Ok, maybe I am gay and that's why I have female friends whom I have no interest for except for friendship.

You're not gay, you just lack imagination. I think given the opportunity, you wouldn't turn any of those girls down.

[BubbleFreak]

Ok, maybe I am gay and that's why I have female friends whom I have no interest for except for friendship.

You and others have said that men can make friends that are girls, but most others have also said that the friendship boundaries are blurred. Sorry, I forgot that your post simply stated that yes, straight men can just be friends with girls (nothing more). My bad.

[the_robot]

You're not gay, you just lack imagination. I think given the opportunity, you wouldn't turn any of those girls down.

Yes I would, most of them.

[Asip4u]

Yes I would, most of them.

lol, i agree with Giga. You sound exactly like a friend of mine. He says suff like this all the time and i don't believe him. I think given the right scenario you would def go for it!