how to prevent yourself from getting hurt?

[cake85]

I know is kinda like a dumb question, cause u never know who's gonna hurt u or not. However, im sick of it. I usually dont trust guys especially cause most of the guys i meet only want one thing. i mean im not looking for a bf but at the same time i get lonely sometimes so, it's nice to have someone there at least to hang out with and have fun. it's hard to believe guys i'll be honest. i always give them a chance depending on the guy, cause i know not all guys are the same but it always end up in disappointments.

sometimes i think that the whole idea of dating and getting to know someone else is just annoying. ur always wondering whether the person is being sincere or not or if is better to go with the flow or not. but i think it would be more easier if ppl just say what they want and what they are looking for right from the start.

[Asip4u]

Yeah i get what you're saying, cake. I felt the same way about many women i met however i must say that the whole thing has made me stronger. I don't get upset like i use to. It's also because for most part i understand where people's thoughts/actions come from. What you need to do is think about the life you want outside of relationships and as you work on that hopefully good things will happen relationship wise. I've noticed best things always happen when i don't go out looking for anything.

[cake85]

i know asip4u, and i do try to not think about dating or guys. but is hard, i work in a gym so i constantly have guys talking to me and flirting with me and asking me out. i turn them down of course but i gave myself a chance with someone at the gym. not for a relationship but just because i wanted to date and have fun. it turn out the guy was just sweet talking to me so he would get under my pants. i asked him many times if he just wanted to mess around or whatever but he would just say that he wanted more. turns out i was right. he just wanted some ass. he got impatient of waiting after 2 weeks and i made it clear i wasn't gonna sleep with him. i just dont understand, why can't ppl be more honest. why do they have to lie and play games.

[Asip4u]

i know asip4u, and i do try to not think about dating or guys. but is hard, i work in a gym so i constantly have guys talking to me and flirting with me and asking me out. i turn them down of course but i gave myself a chance with someone at the gym. not for a relationship but just because i wanted to date and have fun. it turn out the guy was just sweet talking to me so he would get under my pants. i asked him many times if he just wanted to mess around or whatever but he would just say that he wanted more. turns out i was right. he just wanted some ass. he got impatient of waiting after 2 weeks and i made it clear i wasn't gonna sleep with him. i just dont understand, why can't ppl be more honest. why do they have to lie and play games.

Well the last part is obvious. Why he wasn't honest and played games? If he was honest from the start and said he just wanted to get in your pants, would you go for it? probably not. So like most guys, he was first sweet talking to get you comfortable first and see if you'll fall for him fast like some girls do.

[soulsurvivor23]

There's no way to prevent being hurt as you already know and stated. But there are ways to be cautious about things. As a guy, I know that it's a cold hard fact that of every 10 of those guys that are eyeing you or talking you up, probably 7-8 of them have those alterior motives. I mean it's not a statistically proven fact but women are too often seen as objects. However, it doesn't help you to assume that all of those guys who talk to you are just looking for sex. If you have a reject all policy, you may end up tossing out a good one that had genuine motives. I think all you can do is to give each person of your choosing a fair shot, take them at face value.. Maybe go out with them on a few dates... And I think after that evaluation time you can kind of get an idea of what they're after. At that time you decide whether it's worth it to continue or whether to end and call it a day.

[xxazurexx]

I agree. Things would be a whole lot easier and simpler if people just said what they want and were looking for.

However and in by being honest, some people wouldn't get what they want. As in when Asip4u said, if guys had to be honest that they were only looking to get in our pants, then no woman would even go there! So these guys know they have to lie and sweet talk to get what they want
And it is difficult to spot the genuine guys from the ungenuine ones.

But there is a way and for every woman to weed out the 'players' and those guys who are not looking for anything serious and to avoid being hurt over and over...
You tell them and STRAIGHT UP what it is are looking for and want and right from the very outset. Not as in demand that you require this and require that, there are 'subtle' ways of letting a guy know what it is you are looking for. Meanwhile, you also keep your legs CROSSED!! lol and until you get what you are seeking.

Those guys who stick around and after you have had made it clear what you are looking for, who don't expect sex immediatley and who will wait.....are the 'keepers'.

The ones who don't, aren't the type of guy you are looking for anyway Hence, less chance of being hurt.

[Gigabitch]

i mean im not looking for a bf but at the same time i get lonely sometimes so, it's nice to have someone there at least to hang out with and have fun.

This sentence can easily be construed as "I'm just out to get laid", no strings attached.

This is your problem. You're sending a mixed message. If you're looking for companionship, hang out with other girls. If you want romantic involvement, find a boyfriend. Find a good one. Don't think you can have casual relationships with guys that don't involve sex- they don't generally go for that.

[soulsurvivor23]

This sentence can easily be construed as "I'm just out to get laid", no strings attached.

This is your problem. You're sending a mixed message. If you're looking for companionship, hang out with other girls. If you want romantic involvement, find a boyfriend. Find a good one. Don't think you can have casual relationships with guys that don't involve sex- they don't generally go for that.

That is also very true..

[cake85]

This sentence can easily be construed as "I'm just out to get laid", no strings attached.

This is your problem. You're sending a mixed message. If you're looking for companionship, hang out with other girls. If you want romantic involvement, find a boyfriend. Find a good one. Don't think you can have casual relationships with guys that don't involve sex- they don't generally go for that.

gigabitch, im not looking to get laid lol. i see where it might sound like, getting laid is what im looking for but is really not. what i meant was, that i just want to date and meet ppl since i got out of a long term relationship and im not really looking for a bf atm. i just started to date recently after 8 months of ending my relationship, because i think im ready to start dating again and i have only been out on 2 dates. the first guy i dated wanted to sweet talk to me to get under my pants. like he would say how he was looking for a gf and all of that and yet he wanted to have sex with me on the first date? obviously, i knew what he was after and when he saw i wasn't gonna give him that he got bored.

[Jas_mine]

It would help if you knew exactly what you were looking for! You don't want a boyfriend, you just want to date, or should I say just get better acquainted with members of the opposite sex - sorry to break it to you but one dates for the romance potential not for friendship, and that's what the guys are expecting. If you want to make friends then maybe you should join some sort of class or take up a hobby.

[lahnnabell]

I agree. Things would be a whole lot easier and simpler if people just said what they want and were looking for.

People have to first figure out and know what they want. Most don't have a clue.

[lahnnabell]

Don't think you can have casual relationships with guys that don't involve sex- they don't generally go for that.

Agreed. If you want a guy to be your friend, you gotta lay it out like that. No romance. Friendships with men start to get complicated the moment you add feelings, or touching, or flirtatiousness into the mix. Many guys on here have said it before, that the line between friendship and intimacy can be blurred very easily for men, whereas women have a more cut and dry perception of it.

[soulsurvivor23]

Agreed. If you want a guy to be your friend, you gotta lay it out like that. No romance. Friendships with men start to get complicated the moment you add feelings, or touching, or flirtatiousness into the mix. Many guys on here have said it before, that the line between friendship and intimacy can be blurred very easily for men, whereas women have a more cut and dry perception of it.

I agree with that. And as has already been said, you can't really go on a one on one romantic date scenario with a guy and expect him to approach the situation as though he's trying to make a friend. If friends is what you want, there are other more appropriate ways to go about doing that. And if casual dating is what you want, than you can expect that guys will want to act in a casual mannor, which is through physical intimacy.

[vashti]

What's wrong with a guy wanting to get in your pants? It's natural. Sex is nice.

You are just supposed to say no if what you want is an actual relationship, and the ones who don't actually like you as a person will move on. It's a weeding out process.