Girlfriend said she didn't feel the same

[Scott M]

I've been seeing my girlfriend for about 2 and a half years. We've had so many great times since we've been together, we originall started dating just before I left high school as a senior to start University. She started university a year after me and was just starting 2nd year this week.

She'd went on holiday at the start of September for 2 weeks with her friends, 6 of them in total and when she came back she was just different. Conversations were almost painful and she really didn't show any affection towards me. I'd brought it up with her last week and said I was concerned, the reply was she was tired and just needed to get back in to a routine.

I'd originally thought that she might have been unfaithful while on holiday and had came out and asked her but she said she hadn't and I asked one of her friends and she confirmed it. I'm inclined to beleive her since she's never tried anything like this in the past.

Last night I was over at our house watching tv when a break started she turned off the tv and said we had to talk. She started crying and I realised what she was planning to say. She said her feelings had changed for me and that it would be better if we stopped seeing each other. I told her that I understood, gave her a hug then left.

The problem is I'm still in love with her, I'd went through stages of changed feelings for her last year but my original feelings always returned after a week or so. I wrote her a letter explaining my feelings on what had happened and how i'd felt similar previously but it had returned.

I haven't told her that I wouldn't mind us taking a break for a while to see if that helps but I dont like the thought of losing her forever. Should I tell her that or just wait to see if she maybe realises that herself?

[Andy_S]

Just give her time. If she has strong feelings for you (which is very possible - 2 years is a long time) then she will come back. If not, then its better finding out now than opposed to another 6 or 7 years down the line.

Just give her time. Concentrate on your uni work, meet up with friends and keep your mind busy.

I'm sure it will all work out in the end

[Scott M]

I'm just feeling heartbroken at the moment. My evil cat woke me up at half five and all I think about is if I'd stayed and talked to her about it rather than just leaving could I have done anything to make it better.

I suppose I shouldn't sit and ponder what if's.

I'd sent her a message after my post asking how long she'd felt this way and her reply was that when she went on holiday but she'd rather have this conversation face to face if I want. Should I go meet her soon or wait a week until i've calmed down a bit?

[Anthony]

Face-to-face can be more productive under strained circumstances, I suggest that you take her up on the offer.

I originally arrived at the same thought that you mentioned in your first post, in that she may have been unfaithful while on the trip; I also agree that from your description, it doesn't seem likely.

A break might be all she needs to re-affirm her commitment to the relationship, which is a possibility that I think is definitely worth exploring. Regardless of that, you're fortunate to have her as a friend: ending the relationship when she believed she could no longer be committed to it was admirable, especially considering that she was honest and sincere about her feelings throughout the difficult ordeal.

[Scott M]

I went over last night and spent 2 hours talking to her. Apparently I shouldn't have left immediately after she said it wasn't working as she wanted to give me answers and at least talk to me.

I confirmed she wasn't up to anything after asking her last night and she said that after her holiday she simply didn't feel the same, she saw me the day she got back and apparently the chemistry wasn't there. After talking for a bit we decided to give it 2 weeks and then go out on a proper date. We haven't had one in a while and had been doing kinda repetitive stuff since she got back, it was either going to the gym or making dinner at someones house.

So I've decided to start booking the date today. I'm taking her to Edinburgh on Saturday the 16th by train (how we use to travel all the time before we could drive), dinner at a nice restaurant, tickets to see Grease the musical (She loves grease) and then an overnight stay in the Hilton in one of the deluxe suites overlooking Edinburgh Castle which is amazing at night.

Someone simply suggested that the relationship had become more functional than fun and thats what she was missing. We weren't putting the same amount of energy into it that we did when we started seeing each other.

So does some time apart followed by an entire day together doing some more things as a couple sound like a good idea?

[blue]

i think that the ideas that you have on the works are great. i think that sometimes too when you are in a relationship you seem to go through phases where things do get repetative and comfortale and it takes work you know. its nice to do the things u used to do when everything first got started. romance is key and relationships take work dedication and romance. oh wait and communication.

[Scott M]

I hope so to. I've just spent $466 on this day and I sent her an email to tell her of my plans. I asked her to meet me at the train station at 3 and told her what she needed to bring. I didn't tell her what we were going to do, should I tell her or keep it a suprise?

Would anyone suggest a small gift for her at the hotel, I contemplated getting the hotel to put some fresh roses in the room with a card from me for our arrival?

[blue]

scott,
No keep this a suprise!!!!!!!! its exciting and suprises are great. get her flowers chochalates and maybe something nice to wear out.

[Scott M]

She doesn't like chocolate (boo!) and she works in a flower shop and I can't remember what her favourite flower is, maybe i'll just go with good old fashion roses

I can never figure out what to buy her in the way of clothes and I'll just get told I'm spending too much money on her. She doesn't like it when I buy her things, the problem is I make about 5 times what she does.

I'm finding the whole not see each other thing for 2 weeks quite hard, there is only so much spider solataire you can play and stupidly I told me boss on thursday that I needed some time off prior to speaking to her. I might re-arrange my bedroom for some entertainment.