Girls and games..?

[Lukus]

Ok. I have recently met a girl I really like. She seemed equally interested in me the whole time. Now she is bailing on dates with excuses..

Thursday night: were meant to go out at night. I get a text halfway through the day saying "hey sorry I dont think I can do tonight, probably going to be held back at work". Then 10 minutes later on facebook her housemate(I happen to be her friend on facebook..) says to her "can't wait for shopping tonight!" then she replies "me neither!"

tonight we are supposed to hang out: I get a text about how she is so sick, cant even hold down water. I don't accuse her of lying or whatever and say, "that sucks..we dont have to hang tonight if your feeling bad." then 5 hours later she replies to my text "I shouldnt have drunk so much last night. I really wanted to hang . maybe tomorrow we can hang? "

Anyway. I have been mind f*cked two or three times in the past year by girls, and just dont know what to think anymore. I still havent replied to her text about whether or not to hang with her tomorrow.

How do I reply without looking desperate or without looking like I dont care..?
Any advice is appreciated.

Thankyou.

Luke

[xxazurexx]

She's just not that into you and appears to only want you around and when she has nothing better to do.

She's f***king you around and because you allow her to f**k you around.

[Lukus]

probably true.. the thing with this girl is she initiated all the effort from that start. She got sick of waiting and made the first move.. I just dont understand what is in it for a girl to play such games. How can it ever end well? Anyway, i waited a few hours and sent her a text back saying "shouldnt be too busy. See how you feel tomorrow' I probably should have put less interest into the message, but i had to say something. If she decides to bail on this, thats the final straw. I can't play games, it's not worth the effort.

[yumimami]

Wouldn't waste any more txts/time on her, she has been giving mixed messages and you don't need the stress of figuring out whats up not to mention how fake and rude to say one thing then on facebook you find out another. If she can't be straight up then just flag her. You need to learn to play hard to get (sorry more games but is what many women find as part of the lure), too safe too soon is often .. boring. You say "but i had to say something" but I think you should stop feeling obliged to be nice to dorks.

[Lukus]

I can play games for a while if I have to. But I think it gets to a stage where it just gets tiring..the first date we went on, we ended the night with her saying "i'd hug you, but it might be awkward leaning over in the car..." at that point i was just like...'right, ok..night'. she then texted me half an hour later that she was sorry she didnt hug me, but she 'is really shy'...

As I said, if she wants to bail on tomorrow then I will give up. three dates is beyond rude.

Alas, thankyou yamimami. It's surprising how different people turn out to be from first impression, she seems like the sweetest/cutest girl. Maybe there is more to it? I don't know.

Guess ill find out.

Luke

[xxazurexx]

Personally, I don't view it that she is playing games. You are just not 'top' on her list of priorities and if you are only willing to be an option, then this is all your fault.
You don't have to stick around in situations, that you are not happy being in.

She may well have been sweet in the beginning....who isn't and when they date/enter a relationship with a new person?
True colours aren't long in showing and interest can and does dwindle.

Like I said, if you are willing to stick around, you are to blame, not her...

[Lukus]

fair enough, but if interest dwindles why not be honest about it? Why is it that hard to say Sorry im not that interested, is it really easier on someone to keep them interested when your not? Yes I am taking the risk of being an option, but I am waiting one day, is that such an excessively long time? i'd rather be unhappy for one day, then a much longer time. But either way you are right I can only blame myself if I end up upset by it all. Guess its the risk I will take.

[xxazurexx]

^^Because some people and rather than be straight upfront about things, will take the easy way out, distance themselves and just hope you get the message.
Some people prefer not to be honest and to avoid hurting feelings.

I personally don't think it sounds like she is keeping you interested. She wouldn't be acting the way she is, if she wanted to keep you interested.....unless her way of thinking is 'warped'. You are also not taking the risk of being/becoming an 'option'....you already are the 'OPTION'.

Why don't you just have a straight talk with her and ask her where this is going if anywhere?

Then you will get your answer and if it's not the answer you want, at least you can then move on and to another girl who would appreciate you.

[Lukus]

I think its just as hurtful being distant as being straight up and honest..the only difference is time.. but anyway everyone approaches things differently. I will have to talk to her about it if I want an answer. I think it's a very upfront question to ask someone who you have been on one proper date with..(i have hung with her once before this with friends...) BUT its probably hypocritical of me to say why can't she be honest if I'm not willing to ask her what is up, even if it is this early stage.

Regardless, thanks azure

[carl1222]

Azure is right that you are in peril of becoming her option. The easiest way to test whether she's not into you, or just playing games, is to make yourself totally unavailable to her for a while. You've done your part, now it's up to her.

Carl.

ps - I would have called her out on the shopping trip lie.

[Lukus]

Thanks bud. It's funny, she does respond to hard to get..I've had days where i'd leave her alone for a few hours then finally text her. and she'd instantly reply. I am usually tactful bout it all. If she really wants to hang out tomorrow, I will make the effort. if not then I will make myself unavailable.

In regards to the shopping trip lie. I was tempted to question her bout it, I just figured theres possibilities i'm unaware of, like maybe she worked an hour extra then went shopping afterwards, dont think thats the case..but oh well. long story short is I think too much haha..

Luke

[bloodtippedrose]

Why do you keep letting yourself get blown off like this? It would really upset me personally and I would let her know.
If she txted me like "yeah... sorry.. cant hang.. maybe later.." I would txt right back "wtf ever. Why do I even bother setting aside my evenings and making plans for nothing. Enjoy shopping, maybe next time you blow me off you can hide your plans with someone else a little better. BYE"
Mind you this is a really great way to get the silent treatment or a fight etc. but at least she would know how you felt and you wouldnt look like a pussy stepping stone!

Or at least "yeah... sorry.. cant hang.. maybe later.." and you txt "AWESOME....."

lol ;P cmon be a man. its more attractive.

[Lukus]

Hmm yeah I guess the pussy stepping stone concept is relevant. It's been a while since my last serious girlfriend, I guess I played too nice in this charade.

My question now...If she decides she wants to hang out today, do I blow her off like she has done to me twice now. Or do I be the bigger person and see her and confront her on what the hell is up with her.

now it's play hard to get(..again) vs the truth..

Probably a stupid question, im pretty impatient so I should probably see whats up with her.

[bloodtippedrose]

Im amazed at you saying you're an impatient person You seem to have the patience of a saint with this girl. Either way works. Im a bitch so I would have blown her off and asked her how it felt later, but you seem like a nice guy so get together and try really hard to get it out of the way in the beginning because otherwise you will avoid bringing it up because you dont want to ruin a nice time. She better have some good reasons up her sleeve -_-

[lastwish]

Haha. Why do you care so much anyways? Were you waiting for her to give you a striptease? If she gives you excuses not to be around you, then you have better things to do.