Relapsing on Love Please Help!

[sunflwr23]

I have gone back. I have been with someone new and for some reason have now become re-interested in my ex. We have been broken up for over a year and just this past december he was contacting me all the time to chat. He stopped in late February. We hung out in April after I had seen someone else. Nothing happened physically but the next day we talked on the phone for an hour after I left his town. Now we have had a few short texts in between and briefly talked this past Saturday but I miss him so much! I really want him back! I wish he could see how much better things in our lives were when we were together. He is struggling on his own sort of. I still love him but don't know if I should tell him I miss him or still have feelings for him. How to tell him? I don't want to ruin chances of us hanging out more and things happening naturally. I dont want to scare him off. What should I do??

[cmacattack1]

Until you can learn to be on your own, you will have trouble working it out again with your ex or have trouble with somebody new.

[sunflwr23]

you are right! but i never know when I am ok being on my own. I have been on my own for over a year and I moved to a completely new place where I didn't know anyone and have been there for the past 9 months. I thought I was doing good but recently it's been more of a struggle! I just miss talking to my ex and having him! I see my roommate and friends in relationships and it makes me miss it. But i really messed up with the one guy I was briefly seeing sort of.

[Kyouhen]

I would say follow your heart but thats just stereotypical bs along with tell him the truth so I honestly just think do something stupid and you might not regret it

[cmacattack1]

The thing about being fine on your own is that when you really are okay, you won't need them in your life anymore and that desire fades. That's kind of the point. I've been apart from my ex for 8 months now and would love nothing more to be with the person who she was eight months ago. But she could be an entirely different person and to want to be with somebody without knowing who they are right now and how compatible that person could be with who you are right now just has an air of desperation about it. I've accepted that I don't need her in my life to be happy. Do I still think about her? Every single day. Do I still hit rough patches? Yes. You cannot rely on them to help you get through these tough spots because if you need them to get through it, then you aren't very self sufficient are you?

[Kyouhen]

the hardest thing to face is the fact you have to let them go, thinking that if you stop loving them and they come back and you already moved on you might have made a mistake because they were the greatest love in your life, or something like that

[sunflwr23]

Yeah. I miss him and I want to be with who he was and you are right I don't know who he is anymore. Can I survive without him-yes. Will I meet someone else I like-probably eventually. Am I as happy as I was when I was with him-no. He isn't the only thing that makes me happy but there really seems to a lack of things that make me happy in my life right now. I really enjoy talking to him still when we do talk. I wish I could talk to him more often. I don't know what it would be like for us to date now. I can't imagine it honestly. I just miss him!!

[Kyouhen]

it's the mentality that you have someone there who truly cares for you, that even with all you do through the day that you come home to the one person you felt cared and knew who you were, and then when they change and leave your whole "life" is thus altered and you have to reform your understanding of how things are.

And you get lonely, insecure, hurt, deppressed, and possibly suicidal.

I personally have no idea when this pain ends when we still suffer, and to be honest I dont believe it ends, it stays there forever and you just ignore it till you change enough where you dont care to feel it anymore, it doesn't heal you just cover it with something else.

It's hard to tell if there are people worth trusting in this world, and things are never permanent, people generally make it hard to trust them, but when you find something that clicks and the cogs move its always worth it.

We might say we wish we never loved, but gaining that life experience is far more valuable and you can live with the pain if you know that.

[sunflwr23]

Yeah I think that is definitely a big part of it! When we hung out last I still felt a spark but I am not sure what he felt. I assume he felt something since he called the next day and talked for a long time but maybe not enough that would pursue anything. I always felt/thought we would end up together down the road but I understand people change but we were so good together and he needed to be free for awhile. I wonder though if I truly was the right person if he would have flt that way? I just don't know if I should tell him how I feel- that I miss him, I'm still attracted to him. Or I just keep being friendly and talking occasionally and s if it naturally develops into more!

[Gigabitch]

There you go, still holding on to him and making it impossible to really try with anyone else.

You've been doing this for long enough, haven't you? He jerked you around. Stop waiting for him to come back. Maybe someday he will, but YOU have to stop waiting for it. Your life is on hold in the meantime.

[sunflwr23]

I was with someone else and had got hurt again. I put my ex on a backburner and ignored him numerous times for this guy. But he hurt me too. It didn't last long but I was more than ready for it to turn into an actual relationship. But then my ex and I started talking again and I hung out with him.

[sunflwr23]

I have yet to contact him but he did comment on my facebook wall yesterday. Go figure I am having a hard day wanting to hear from him and he comments on my wall. But it wasn't anything significant.

[VincenzoG91]

If you keep getting involved with guys who hurt you, maybe you should take more time off from dating in general. Work on yourself, to become a better person who makes better choices. And maybe butch up a little, so that you aren't so easily hurt.