Shocked that he moved on so quickly :(

[bart]

I broke up with my long distance ex-boyfriend 3 weeks ago. I've decided no contact with him is best for me to get over him, so we haven't spoken since the break up.

I just found out that he's in a new relationship. It's been 3 weeks!!

I was doing soo well, not crying over him/thinking about him as much.. and then this shocker happens. It's like I'm right back at square one. But I left him because he treated me like crap, and I KNOW I deserve better. But we dated for 10 months, and knew each other for 1 year. And he's with another girl in 3 weeks?! He told me his ex-girl before me took him 2 years to get over!!! How is this even possible? Is she a rebound girl? How did he find a girl so fast, and make her his gf in 3 weeks?!! Is he dating her to get over me?!

I just need advice. I REALLY WANT to get over him, I know he's not the person for me, but obviously I still care for him. I know it takes time. I think not talking to him helps, the only thing is I still sometimes go on his facebook and twitter. (Facebook is how I found out about the new gf, which everyone commented on congratulating him :/) I've now blocked these websites, and so far haven't looked at them in 2 days. I find that to be one of the hardest things, because I DO want to know what he's up to..but it only haults the getting over him process.

Please, any advice would help. It's like a slap in the face knowing that he moved on fast, so this just adds more hurt to my heart. Thanks. I'm 19/f, he's 22/m if that helps at all. Thanks


Okay I wrote this last week on a different website. The situations updated a little, I'm feeling so much pain lately. I seemed to be doing much better handling the breakup before I found out about the new girl. I find myself thinking, "Was he the one?" "Did I make a mistake?" "Oh, I should just e-mail him and tell him I love him and I'm sorry". I came so close to it tonight, but I think my stubborness won. I didn't want to contact him, because I haven't for 4 weeks, and I wanted to stick to it.

But am I just second guessing myself because he's with another girl? I broke up with him because it was long distance, we were fighting constantly for about 2 1/2 months, and honestly..it was just becoming boring. I think I did the right thing. It was like we were one of those couples that just wasn't meant to be. But at the same time I think of how he told me he loved me, and wanted my kids, and wanted to marry me. And it hurts, and I feel like e-mailing him and spilling my guts out. But wouldn't that be a mistake? Blah, I dunno. I just feel really, really alone and so hurt at how he's moved on.

I even unblocked his websites today in a moment of loneliness just to see what he was up to. I also worry that if I do want to be friends with him down the line that I'll have no way to contact him. I know this is stupid to worry about right now..when I should be trying to get over him, but I really do worry about it. I worry he'll block me on messenger, or email, or anything and I'll never get to talk to him again. And I think that's why I contemplate e-mailing him now. Oh god, I just rambled so much, but I'm just in so much pain, even after a month. Please, any words of advice?

[VincenzoG91]

I bet that he hooked up with her months ago, and is just now coming out public about her. Those fights you two kept having? That was him already sort of moving on, not trying to make things work anymore with you.

[cmacattack1]

Well checking up on him isn't helping your situation. So why do it? It's going to cause you more hurt. Do yourself a favor and stop keeping tabs on him. Your concentration needs to be about getting your life back on track and learning to live it and be happy without him. If he treated you like such crap, you should be thankful that you guys are dating anymore. Okay so he is with somebody else and it happened very soon, but what do you expect him to do? He's going to meet somebody else just like you are. And believe me, if he really treated you like crap, he likely didn't learn anything from the relationship with you and will continue to do so over and over until it finally sinks in that he might be the problem.

That's not your concern though. His life and what he doesn't has zero relevance to your life. That's why you have to cut contact with him and stop talking to him and checking up on him. Nothing good can come of it. You are going to feel pain, you are going to feel lonely. You have to find a way to deal that doesn't involve him. For all of us that have broken up with exes, we all have figured out ways to deal because we still aren't with them today. You are no different and your situation is not unique. You have to do your best to keep busy and keep yourself doing things that make you happy, or help you benefit yourself in some way. Hang with your friends, go to the gym and get in better shape, focus on school or your job and work towards moving forward. This is your best way of moving forward. Jumping into a new relationship like your boyfriend did is just a temporary reprieve, but if you aren't your own long enough, you will be unable to find any normalcy and break any dependency you have on having SOMEONE in your life. And you will be unable to give yourself one hundred percent to somebody in a relationship if you are still hurting over your ex and that's unfair to the other person involved.

You can't be happy with somebody else if you aren't happy with yourself. And you have to work on that on your own. Without them in your life. You will hit rough patches and highs and lows but you have to find a way to get through them. We all do at some point.

[bart]

Okay, thank you both very much.

[Mr Thinkalot]

hey..for all u know he is doing that to make u jealous..just text him and say "hi was just thinking of u..i have been feeling horrible but i believe u have moved on.Im happy for u..do take care..". he needs to know u are thinking abt him..the problem here is that sometimes both parties are waiting for the other to make the 1st move.. but then again u only knew him for less than 2 years..search your heart..

[Gribble]

It was an LDR. LDRs aren't real relationships. He was probably dating that chick the whole time he was sending you flirtatious e-mails.

[Cosmo]

LOL, I don't know what to tell you except I think this is the norm. At least in my experience and those of my friends.

The best is just to never think about your ex again. Even if I see them I've always convinced myself by that point that their just a recognizable face in a crowd.
Who cares what they're doing once you break up. No contact to me means the person no longer exists.