Feeling Blah.

[Prodigal]

High school is 'over the hill' for me. I'm now a senior, with about 8 months left of my high school career. There IS some girl that I'm attracted to, but I don't think it will develop into anything, although we've gotten to know each other quite well in less than a month. But there is no point now, anyways. Relationships started now will probably crumble away by the time high school ends (the whole seperation for college thing). I'm 17 years old, never been in a relationship, never been kissed, rarely flirted with or flirt in general. As you can see, I have fairly low self-esteem and am pessimistic, but even with this in mind, I don't consider myself to be a loser. I have pretty good social skills, even though I'm kinda shy. A lot of people like me, and people who get to know me say that I'm a good person, that I have good morals and ethics. I know a lot of people, albeit a lot of them I don't know well. So in that sense I suppose I wouldn't fall under that 'loser' category.

I don't know if the right girl has come yet, but I think that if she doesn't come soon or hasn't already come, I don't think I'll ever find her. I feel that college will be much the same way, and after that, how the hell do you meet girls? That's always been my question. It seems that at bars, clubs, etc., the prime objective is to look for possible dates or significant others. When you try really hard to get someone, you never get what you want. I feel that the one for me isn't here, because I rarely get attracted to any girl here, and when I do, it always ends in some kind of pain to me. But I also feel that it will be the same no matter where I go.

I wouldn't consider myself ugly, but I am apparently not hot because I don't seem to attract girls. The personality seems to be there, but I think I am too passive. I'm not going to change myself to get a girl, though. Seemingly, there doesn't seem to be a solution. That's the worst part. Sometimes I feel like giving up on love, which really hurts, because I'm the romantic, dreamer type. I guess that would make me a 'hopeless romantic', as cliche as I may sound.

Girls don't care about those kinds of qualities, in my opinion. They know people like me make the best friends, but I never pique interest as anything more than a friend. But it is not the girls' fault, nor is it mine (well, it may be mine, because that's how I am), it's just that my type just doesn't attract girls. It does really piss me off that the guys who only care about sex get relationships and when they break up with the girl, the girl has this emotional breakdown like she thought this guy was in for a long-term relationship, and the guys who are long-term material just aren't appealing. It's a sad world, a big paradox that makes perfect sense to me and at the same time, is an unsolvable mystery. But I guess it's not fair to just say that about women. It's somewhat the same way with guys, and guys have a lot more cons on their side when it comes to relationships than women. But then again, these are the generalized guys, the ones who always get relationships but aren't fit to be in one.

Thank you for listening to my rant. It was circular and got nowhere, but thanks for reading my bitching.

[squirrley]

Your bitching helps you think things through Prodigal. I do it all the time and dont call it bitching, rather VENTING. K~first just because youre a senior now and not having a history of dating doesnt mean youre a "loser". Youre Mr. Nice Guy. And believe it or not, those are the men who will and do have long lasting relationships when the right woman comes along. Your qualties are what MATURE WOMEN look for in a husband. Girls, preteens, or younger women, dont know what they want, us gals go through changes in our lives, as do males. We develop differently at different stages even in the dating game. YUP dating game sucks, thats for sure.

But heres the thing, when I was in HS and I dated those chumps, it was more of a popularity thing, nothing else. Who was dating who, not for anything of substance of what the guy was really like, but where you stood on the social ladder. Its sad, but true, and I almost bet its like that now. I know it is, my son is in HS now, freshman, and I see him and his friends and how they choose theyre weekly girlfriends. Scary. But Ive been there. Ive tried to instill what kind or type of girl they should be looking for to date. But I also dont want to see them committed in a long term 4 year relationship either, theyre so young yet, they need to have experience, good and bad.

I wont deny when he comes home and says he's in love with so and so, but I know it will change in a short time. Anyway, damnit Im ranting. I think Prodigal, that you just remain true to yourself, like you said dont change who you are, because one day, when you least expect it, a woman will come along and appreciate you for who you. As youre senior year plugs along, or speeds along, keep in mind, even if you do find someone whose interesting, dont pass the opportunity up because youre leaving for college, you will never know...take a risk now and then, thats the great thing about life, youre suppose to do things, and LIVE!

I dont think youre really concerned about the other guys out there, those who are gettn the girls, because truthfully, those are the type of guys who may end up in shitty relationships down the road, failed marriages, etc. I know for a FACT those guys in my HS who were players, who slept around, didnt give two shits about the girls, yea they got married alright, but are now divorced, on 2 marriage, or what have you...point being, true men with qualities of Mr. Nice Guy may have the yucky end of the stick in the beginning, but in the end they get the gold.

Thanks for listening to me VENT! Goodluck and enjoy your senior year Prodigal!