Am I rushing?

[jessZ]

Hi all,

I've been with my bf 10mths or so, things were pretty on/off to begin with but the past 5mths or so have been more consistent. He's 32 and I'm 28, and we both came out of long-term (5+yrs) relationships when we got together. He has a little girl who is 3. He's really busy being a dad, working, gym etc, and I have a really full-on schedule as well so we usually catch up 2-3 times a week.

Now, I'm really into him. He is smart, funny, sexy and looks after me. He does kind, thoughtful things for me all of the time and I feel I can depend on him. He is also a very loyal person, I trust him. We're both absolutely blown away by our sexual connection as well, and he tells me it's like nothing he has ever experienced with anyone else (I feel the same).

Soooo just recently I raised with him the possibility of moving in together, but he says he isn't ready :-( This prompted a discussion about where we were heading, and this is basically what he said:

- he isn't ready to move in because he feels like there's no need to rush, especially since we've been together a short period of time & both just came out of long-term relationships, and both left those relationships because we felt 'trapped'
- he feels closer to me all of the time
- he wouldn't bother with a relationship that he didn't consider to have a future, and can see a future with me, but wants to take things slow in light of our rocky start & his responsibility to his daughter (which I respect & understand)
- he could see us moving in together 6-12mths down the track 'if things continue as they have been going..'

We're going overseas together in September, and we sometimes talk a bit about settling together, but our recent conversation has left me confused. Im not sure whether I am rushing, taking his need for time too personally OR perhaps wasting my time with someone who doesn't really feel excited to settle with me.

I certainly don't want to push him, and I respect he needs to do what is right by himself, but I'm quite keen to plan a future and I need to know whether this is something I should pursue with him, or perhaps move on a find someone that is ready for that.

Any thoughts people?

Thank you so much for taking the time to read this :-)

[xxazurexx]

Things are going well between you and if this were me, I'd set a time limit and give him another 6 - 12 months like he'd mentioned. If you leave it that length of time and he decides to move in, then you will know he's moving in with you and because he wants to be with you and not because he felt obliged or forced to be with you.

If after that period lapses and he's still 'wishy washy', then perhaps time to call it quits.

One thing is for certain, I wouldn't be waiting around forever.

[sookie6]

Yes 6 - 12 months is reasonable...don't forget that you are still in the honey moon period too so yourself might find out things you did not expect over the next months...take it easy..

But be firm at the end of that period.

[jessZ]

Thanks girls, I think that's probably wise. I was going to set a time limit for myself of about 6mths and then re-assess after that. I spose in writing this post I was seeking some opinions as to whether it sounds like he will NEVER be ready to take things further with me. It I'd hard to tell from the things he says I guess...