Lost and confused in Iraq

[Jkeeton81]

Good morning all,

Im writing for some advice regarding me and my girlfriend. Im currently working in Iraq as a contractor and she is back in the states. We started dating in Feb, I left for here late May. I really care for her, and wehn things are good, they are great. But we get into these arguments, and lately they have been coming alot. I am not meaning to point fingers at her, as I have flaws and amke mistakes. But it is seeming she has some sort of anxiety issue, and getrs very wrked up easily and upset. Not jsut with me, and sometimes even good moments get her worked up. Now, she comes from a bad past with her father, and was in a very bad relationship with a guy who cheated numerous times and treated her very bad. Btw, shes 22, im 29. I honestly feel I treat her extremely well and am constantly doing all I can to make her feel goo,d and be happy. Back to the arguments, there are days when she is extremely loving and telling em how bad she misses me, and literally the next day she will get angry over soemthing very small and start yelling at me, and often times accuses me of treating her bad, trying to control her and such. She will get so angry, that she will say some of the rudest comments to me. I usually get defensive and argue back and it escalates. Now I have tried numerous times to tell her its getting to me how she gets on my case and says what she says, and for a while she told me i was dumb and a drama queen. Which I didnt get, than she finally last week admitted she doesnt know why she gets so mad at me, and felt she needed help. I promised i was there for her and supported it. Nothing came of it, and 2 days ago another explosion happened. She came home drunk and sat for 30 min crying saying how much she missed me and wanted me home. 4 hours later she woke up and asked me to call her. She started to tell me her plans for the week and that she needed to get a dress. I asked what kind and she says..." dont worry abgout it, you wont liek it. So I question that, and she says she wants to get a slutty dress to goto the casino. So im just asking why she needs to state slutty to me, and than the outpour of me trying to control her comes out, adn that I dont like anything she does. It got her all the way to the point where she said exactly " I will do what I want when I want rather you like it or not" Now, I feel I respect her freedom pretty well, but also feel if your in a relationship you should have that outlook. I was quite angry and stopped talking to ehr all day. She kept messaging me saying sorry, and I explained that sorry wasnt enough, she needed to work on this with me. SO this morning I call her, and at first she said she wasnt sure what she wanted and was not willing to work with me, and she tells me she needs a few days to try and figure out why she does what she does, so I say ok and get off the phone. Feeling bummed, I sent her a message online in email jsut letting her know how I felt and that I was concerned about losing her and such. Well she got extremely pissed and went off on me bad and I couldnt believe it. I wasnt arguing at all, jsut trying to talk to her. And when she gets mad, she gets so angry she says anythnig. I finally told her if she wants to break up doit. She insisted she doesnt. We got of the phone, than 5 min later she asked me to call back and she tells me she loves me and is sorry. So im at a crossroads. I care enough to want to work with her, and I feel it is either the anxiety or she was treated so bad, she doesnt know how to handle a good relationship. Any advice?? Sorry this is so long.

[vashti]

You won't like what I have to say, but this is way too much drama for such a short relationship. You only dated her for 3 months before you left! Personally, I don't think she is mature enough to handle being separated from her lover for such a long interval. Young girls need a LOT of attention.

I would consider cutting my losses if I were you.

[IncognitoSir]

You won't like what I have to say, but this is way too much drama for such a short relationship. You only dated her for 3 months before you left! Personally, I don't think she is mature enough to handle being separated from her lover for such a long interval. Young girls need a LOT of attention.

I would consider cutting my losses if I were you.

Exactly!. she is a total drama action star! Man, here "hot/cold" personality would drive me crazy, and for a LDR, that's no good. I can see you care for her, but this probably want work out. She translates her emotions of missing you into anger toward you for not being there with her. She'd like to be mature enough to handle the situation but she's nowhere ready for that.

[lahnnabell]

Sounds like she's also got some emotional issues she needs to get help with too. You feeding into her arguments and giving her the time of day is enabling her avoidance of the issues though. She can whine at you all she likes, but it's not fixing a damn thing. The only thing that may prompt her to get a hold of her life is if you break it off with her. Even then, she's gonna sink a bit until she can figure out how to swim on her own.

[Jkeeton81]

I thank you guys for the advice. Let me ask this to see if some of this is me in the wrong

She will occasssionally go out drinking with friends, which is fine, but alot of time she doesnt control herself with the limit. She will get so drunk she wont know whats going on, and on Sat drove home like that which got me concerned. This is also some of the worst tiems she will yell at me, when shes drunk, if i say the "wrong" thing. Well anyways, last ngiht she informed me she would be at a bbq all day with friends, so I asked her if she could avoid getting totally wasted. Well, as it turned out she flipped and hung up on me. Later she informed me im controlling her life and treatingher like a child. I didnt mean it in that sense, but she took it that way and got extremely pissed. Was I in the wrong there?

[SirWagginston]

What a bitch. Stop putting up with this bullshit.

[vashti]

You weren't wrong. She could kill someone driving around while that intoxicated. Her defensiveness is yet another indication of her immaturity.

[Jkeeton81]

I dont know, whenever I mention something like that, she for some reason turns it into me controlling her and trying to tell her what to do. Than blows it out of proportion saying I dont want her going out and so on. I know i sound like a sucker here. Just tryin to do the right thing,a s I do care for her alot.

[vashti]

That is the kind of nonsense teenagers tell their parents. She hasn't outgrown her teenage brattiness yet. (sorry if that sounds harsh.)

Seriously hun... can't you see yourself with a more mature woman?

[Jkeeton81]

No need for sorries, I appreciate it. Honestly yes. I guess Im just wanting to give this the benefit of teh doubt, but in my head I see where its going. I really do appreciate teh advice

[LailaK]

She doesn't sound like a very nice person. My boyfriend and I have been dating for a few months now and we've had one argument. One. And it was about something very important. We've agreed that dumb sh*t isn't worth getting worked up over,

I don't believe constantly arguing and being angry is healthy for any relationship. Life should be fun and rewarding. My advice is to dump her and not look back.