Really need some advice..sorry this is long

[cdk28]

Here goes...

We started dating when we were Freshman in college. Neither of us had had a serious relationship before. We fell madly in love and did literally everything together. We barely spent time with other people because we were so obsessed with just being together. After two years, we officially moved in together (I say officially because we had basically unofficially lived with each other previously) He graduated college and started a job. I decided to change my major to something I loved. We began losing touch here (let's say 3-3 1/2 year point) because his hours were strange and he was living in an adult world of work, while I was still a kid so to speak in college. Now let me note we had an amazing relationship....we were deeply in love and had an amazing connection, I have never even seen anyone else as close as we were. But by this point, I felt he was taking me for granted. He would come home and do his own thing, go on and on about his day, barely paying attention to me. I began feeling alone and unloved. At the same time, there was a lot of pressure from school-I felt career should be most important, I should be single like my friends, ect-all which made me feel like I should get out of th relationship. He also was changed, he had put on weight and was just generally lazy, never wanting to do anything with me, so we literally would just sit around durin our only time together on weekends. Finally, I told him it was over. He moved out. But we started talking immediately after, and I realized I still loved him and so we got back together and moved back in together...with the premise that he woudl try harder for me in terms of spending time with me, listening to me, ect. But I did it for the wrong reasons...I didn't want to lose him but I still felt confused about what I wanted..I hadn't been alone for long enough (it had been 3 weeks) And to make matter worse, he did not change at all. Things were exactly the way they had been. This cut me deeply, because I felt if he loved me as much as he said, wouldn't he at least have tried to have changed for me? Knowing that he had lost me once, wouldn't he want to try to make me happy again? But he didn't. Anyway, I ended up going out with friends one night, got pretty drunk, and went home with another guy. As soon as this happeend, I knew that I loved him and wanted to be with him, but after this, I knew I couldn't go back home to him. I felt I was a terrible person and that I had ruined everything. Instead of talking with him, I acted horribly, disgustingly cold toward him when we talked a few times, and ignored him the rest of the time when he called. I did this because I wanted him to be happy, and I obviously had something wrong with me if I could do something like cheating on him and I wouldn't be the one to make him happy. I thought if I ignored him it would make it easier for him to get over me (if he thought I was a cold cheating bitch into myself I though he would think the person he fell in love with was gone). So I suffered horribly, all I wanted to do was run back to him and have him take me back, but I didn't let myself. Eventually (2 months or so) he stopped calling. Around this time I broke down and tried calling, emailing him...without response. He told me eventually he wanted nothing to do with me and to have a good life. This made me realize I couldn't let him go, and that I had to try. So a month or so later, we started talking...now we are seeing each other and having an amazing time...we felt and acted like we did in the first amazing years of our relationship. But..after a great time spent together, he told me something feels wrong...and that he isn't sure if he can be with me. I do understand where he is coming from..obviously I hurt him beyond measure...but I feel that if we truly love each other and are meant to be together, we can work through it, even it takes me years to prove myself to him again. He is the love of my life and I am never going to recover from the regret of throwing away the life I had...I have been suffering from depression since it happened I guess I would like to hear other similar experiences and outcomes...or just general advice.

[daydreamer]

The only thing you can do is to show him that you became a mature person through this story and ask for one last chance to prove your love avoiding the same mistakes both of you.

[Gigabitch]

I think there are only so many times you can try to make it work with someone and watch it crash and burn before you have to just give it up. Some things are just not meant to be.

[girl68]

I bet he still hasn't "changed" you just don't see that yet 'cause he hasn't moved back in.