I'm new here and need major help...

[sandy85111]

I'll try to make this as succinct as possible.
I'm 25, my ex is 40. He has a 5 year old son whom I adore.
We broke up back in February. He started seeing someone immediately after we broke up and later admitted that it was his rebound. We tried to get back together but because of his own issues, it didn't work. ( he was depressed, etc.) So we stopped contact.

I recently contacted him again because I had this overwhelming feeling to do so. We started talking and things seemed to be going great. He wasnt dating anyone and he had seen a psychiatrist who had prescribed antidepressants. My expectations were being met by him. We spent the weekend together over fathers day with his son. I assumed that he wouldn't have been intimate with me and be around his son if he didn't want to move forward with me.

Here's the kicker. I have access to his phone account because I used to be on the plan when we were together. I know that the last thing I should do is look at it but I did. That same gut feeling that told me to call, told me to look. And sure enough, about 3 days after we reconnected he started talking to some girl...I called the number via *67 and saw that she is on his fbook as well. One conversation lasted 5 hours so I'm assuming it's not a friendly phone call. He has since been calling her every day. Even when I was in town , the few hours I was out running errands ( buying HIS gifts, he called her.) I think he even saw her the night before I came into town bc he had to travel to the same city she lives in.

I'm a mess. I know that he's not the one for me but I can't seem to get over him. It's been 4 months now and every time I think I'm moving on, we end up talking again. Before, when it was a rebound, it was easier to handle but since we're talking now too and he's talking to this girl, it hurts me so bad. Like I'm not good enough for him or maybe he and this girl have a real connection. I haven't mentioned anything to him. I just need some advice to help me through this without feeling so defeated.

[Gigabitch]

You need to slap yourself into shape. What do you mean you "can't" get over him? He's seeing someone else. What more do you need? Have some self respect and walk away from this man.

[sandy85111]

I guess because by my snooping I see he's talking to someone else...not by him telling me. Is that reason enough to just walk away?

He never seemed like the type of the guy to say things just to say them or to get in my pants. And he especially wouldn't play with his son's heart that way by having me around then taking me out of his life again.

[Gigabitch]

You're rationalizing and you know it. The fact that he's seeing someone else behind your back should make it worse, not better.

[xxazurexx]

Not being mean, but bigger fool you for getting in touch with him again and after he'd immediatley hooked up with another woman and after you split. That would have informed me immediatley that this guy didn't give a shit about me and I would never have contacted him again!

You ran back and allowed him to 'use' you again IMO. And just because you have sex with a man, doesn't entitle you to check his private things. You were not his wife, nor even his gf ...but the 'booty call' it would seem.

If you want to be used some more, then yeah, keep in touch with him.

[oneandonly]

I agree that you are rationalising it. We all do in a situation like this. Don't worry. You just need to make a conscious effort to walk away, which is again I know it's hard. You will try to justify and bring up so many reasons why you can't cos that way your rationalising it carries on hence it never stops until........ ah well, you know what I mean, I hope.

[oneandonly]

Not being mean, but bigger fool you for getting in touch with him again and after he'd immediatley hooked up with another woman and after you split. That would have informed me immediatley that this guy didn't give a shit about me and I would never have contacted him again!

You ran back and allowed him to 'use' you again IMO. And just because you have sex with a man, doesn't entitle you to check his private things. You were not his wife, nor even his gf ...but the 'booty call' it would seem.

If you want to be used some more, then yeah, keep in touch with him.

You may not have meant to be mean but you've definitely been mean.

Who's to say she's not entitled to check his private things. After all, we are not 'she'. Let her make a mistake and learn from it but don't judge. Do not try to put her in your shoes.

I've had two glasses of wine and one can of beer so I'm being a little bit off tonight. I've been around for a while and found most of your posts off putting. Being direct is one thing. Being just abruptly mean is another. Not everyone is like you, you know?

I am frequest in a few forums. This is the only bashing I've ever attempted to do on purpose ....

[cmacattack1]

You may not have meant to be mean but you've definitely been mean.

Who's to say she's not entitled to check his private things. After all, we are not 'she'. Let her make a mistake and learn from it but don't judge. Do not try to put her in your shoes.

I've had two glasses of wine and one can of beer so I'm being a little bit off tonight. I've been around for a while and found most of your posts off putting. Being direct is one thing. Being just abruptly mean is another. Not everyone is like you, you know?

I am frequest in a few forums. This is the only bashing I've ever attempted to do on purpose ....

Her advice has been pretty accurate and she is a very intelligent and helpful provider of advice on this forum. Some advice and opinions may be more blunt than others, but I value her opinion and input far more than most other users I have seen on this site. You guys are both essentially giving her the same advice. Cut her some slack.

As for the OP, I think maybe your focus is a bit skewed, hence your NEED to contact him. Instead of focusing on trying to get him back until you meet somebody else, you should probably focus on yourself and what makes you happy. You said you felt this overwhelming desire to contact him but you have to be rational about it. You guys didn't work out before, and for you to work out, I think some changes need to be made both with you and with him. If one of you or both are the same people and you have gotten back together, logically all that could happen would just be breaking up again. And I think you've noticed that he hasn't changed. Remember you don't need him in your life to be happy. You are young and there is plenty of people out there for you. Do not worry about what he does, who he sees, and whether you have to compete with him in moving on first. Just focus on yourself, find happiness on your own, and when you aren't looking, I bet you somebody will find you. You have to be on your own also to get him out of your system, he is like your drug. You want to use this drug again even though you know it's bad for you because you don't want to deal with the withdrawal. Cold turkey is all you can do and ween yourself off your dependence on him or anybody for that matter.

Everything is going to be alright. I promise.

[xxazurexx]

You may not have meant to be mean but you've definitely been mean.

Who's to say she's not entitled to check his private things. After all, we are not 'she'. Let her make a mistake and learn from it but don't judge. Do not try to put her in your shoes.

I've had two glasses of wine and one can of beer so I'm being a little bit off tonight. I've been around for a while and found most of your posts off putting. Being direct is one thing. Being just abruptly mean is another. Not everyone is like you, you know?

I am frequest in a few forums. This is the only bashing I've ever attempted to do on purpose ....

I think the amount of 'thanks' I have recieved, speaks for itself.

I have as much right to MY opinion, as you have to yours and I will continue to give my opinions and an 'honest' opinion and whether you like to hear it or not, oh Keyboard Warrior....uhm LOL!