Just broke up with my bf...

[luvtif]

This is a LONG story but i need to vent. i will try to condense. basically my bf (ex, now) has a prob with talking to girls online, then it leads to talking on the phone, and once it led to a kiss. we have been together for 6 years and this has been going on off and on for about 5years, but mainly just for the past 2 years (although i didn't really know about any of it till about a year and a half ago). your prob wondering why i've put up with it this long. me too. but i just love him so much and he is very talented at making it seem like not a big deal and that i have no right to break up with him over it. he is my best friend and we are each others everyhting, but the last time this happened was the time that i found out he physically cheated. should've def been over then. now that i am starting to trust him again, he talks to this girl online from a long time ago about sex and all kinds of stuff. not cool. i'm done. can't do it anymore. i deserve better. he knew if he did anything like that again it would be over, but he seems to think he's invincable!! it will be hard but i am doing the right thing right? thoughts?

[squirrley]

Youre definelty doing the right thing, as hard as it is, he's walkn on you. You dont deserve that kind of treatment. If he's suppose to be in love with you, he wouldnt be doing these things to this extent. Its one thing to look at porn, but once you start engaging in talkn with that person, or meeting, what have you, he's crossed the line. You've known he's been doing this, and just fluffed it off, swept it under the rug, thought he would change, or get past his moment. But how can you continouly ignore his actions? I think youre doing the right thing, damn straight i wouldnt put up with that shit. See ya!

I know you stayed cause its what you knew, you were comfortable with him, and vice versa. But you become entangled in a vicious cycle that is not healthy. I was just telln a friend of mine this earlier today, she's been in a long term relationship as well, and things arent good. If you want peace of mind and happiness, gettn out of this relationship is the best thing you can do for yourself! Dont let anyone I mean ANYONE make you feel lessor of a person, which maybe he's doing in some regards by acting out the things he's doing online. Youre not number one in his life and you should be, he doesnt act it nor show it. You dont deserve that kind of treatment no one does!

I think when you get to a point in long term relationships you forget who you are and who you are with, you become one, and co-dependant on that person. Its fine to be that way to some degree, but in most cases its not healthy.

Luvtif, Ive seen your questions and thoughts on porn, and its obviously weighed a great deal on you...honestly I think youre doing the right thing, he's crossed the line way too many times. Peoples actions speak louder than words.

Goodluck to you...dont let him walk on you again...NO MAN is worth youre self worth!

[luvtif]

thanks-it is very hard cause he is my best friend and i really want to be with him forever. i am so mad at him for ruining things. and i could still be with him if i choose to ignore what he has done. but i can't do that to myself. i know i deserve better. i deserve to be with someone that cherishes me as much as i cherish them. he also always refuses to accept that we are broken up. he still acts like we are together even though i say its over. i have a key to his aptmt. he is at work so i just went and got my stuff out of his aptmt and left his key under the door. maybe that will get it thru his head...and mine. wish me luck. i've got a sad, tough road ahead of me-and it hasn't even really sunk in yet. i'm about to embark upon some lonely weekends. i don't even know how to be single. i have been with him since i was 15!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[squirrley]

Yes its going to be hard, being single, but youre going to learn so much about yourself, discovering things you didnt even know you had, gaining insight to who you really are, learning to be INDEPENDANT! I can tell you from experience, of being with someone for so long, and not knowing any different, when that relationship ended, a part of me did too. But for the better. I lost who I really was, I became someone I didnt even know. But those weekends by yourself, when youre feeling lonely and or alone, youre going to be rebuilding yourself. It really isnt as bad as you think, I thought my world was over, when in reality it was just beginning. Today, and after 5 years of being single, a date literally once a year, has brought me happiness, true happiness. And you will do the same too! Being alone isnt as shitty as some people say it is, but you've got to become yourself, and learn the most valuable lesson in your life, to become independant and a strong individual.

Let him stew in his own misery, he caused this and brought it on himself. Of course you feel shitty cause you lost or feel youre losing your best friend. But, honestly, if he was such a best friend, he'd wouldve known deep inside what he was doing to you. Sometimes, youre better off without those best friends ya know? In order for you to move on, and break this, you have to cut those ties, and returning his key was a BIG STEP! I commend you. I know how hard that must have been for you. Look at this way, when one door closes, a thousand more open! (and not just in the men dept).

Keep your spirits up, and have faith. Know, that one day you will look back and you won't have any regrets. Every relationship is a learning tool for your life. You will have ups and downs, but life's experiences shape us, and eventually, we become a stronger person. I wish you the best!

[abercromqt20]

you are definately doing the right thing. be smart and don;t jsut run back to him b/c it's comfortable though. make a clean break from him and start over. good luck girl... you will be ok!

[blue]

luv tiff,
squirley is so right and so is aber. and i will tell you from my own experience also that it is for the best and when you are in unhealthy relationships you do loose yourself and this will be a long journey you will experience anger and saddness like never felt before but in time that will be over, and the person that you were will never be the same but better. the pain will pass your self confidence will grow and with this you will grow and learn for the next time around and hey you have us. we will always be here for you whenver you need to talk. you are so much better than you know and i know that you may feel lost right now girl but you will find a new path to a new life a. you are so much better than all this crap he has put you thru. what he gave to you was not love was selfishness, and who the heck treats their bestfriend like that. tiff be strong and dont go back he will say anything you know that but stand your ground do not be walked on anymore. close that chapter in your life and be ready for new beginnings. tiff take care we love ya and i knwo its hard to smile right now and you dont have to so if you need to cry scream throw pillows go for it. remember that we are always here. xoxoxo blue

[abercromqt20]

i sooo agree with blue. close the book on this guy. it's going to be so hard. it always is. but in ur case u've been together for a long time and that always makes it harder. know that there are plenty of guys out there. and you owe it to yourself to find better than what you had. please don't get lonely and run back to him because you are comfortable with it. like blue said stand your ground and you will come out of this so much healthier and self confident which you will carry onto your next relationship. just don't let it be this guy. right now you owe it to yourself to take a little bit of "ME" time. work on getting over this guy and taking care of your own. don't rush into things with anyone else yet. but man when you are ready to get back out there you will be so much smarter and stonger and have so much more to offer in ur next relationships. so for now do whatever you have to get your mind off of things. hang out with the girls, guys, family, whoever is your safety net. Find a new hobby. cry it all out. whatever iis ur way of dealing with things go with it. it will get better. time heals all wounds. i know it doesn't always feel like it at the time, but it's more than true. and remember we are all here to help you through this. so keep us informed and we will get through this all together!

[Jenrick285]

That's kinda bad...
I'm sure you don't want to be in a relationship taht you always gotta wonder...
I mean sure your bf/gf is always gonna find someone thats attractive but its what they do, and where they go ya know I gota someone already....

It's all about trust, in fact it's about that in any relationship.. friendship/relationship etc etc...
What do you have in any relationship with the basic fundamental thing such stuff as trust and respect...
And I gottaa agree with aber - blue - squir... it's time to g out and meet new folks, new ppl, change of scenery and stuffs! You never know, you might even enjoy it!
=)

[blue]

to tiff
from blue
xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxoxox oxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxoxxoxo xoxo
im thinking of you! xoxo blue

[luvtif]

thanks guys

[alicia2601]

you may or may not have read my thread about my b/f breakin up w/ me after 3.5 yrs. It's hard to think about, especially when you picture him w/ another girl. ugh but i've been doin better then i thought i would.

I'm determined to turn this forum into a great big ole party room!!! lol

[kanzaki]

well, I SUPPORT YOU!

You are right, i was actually about to ask you how can u put up with this, if it was me, i make sure he is "unable to produce baby" before i leave him. Come on, talk about patience. I wish i have them