Confused!

[pegasus87]

I haven't dated in 2 years and my ex-bf was my first boyfriend so you can probably tell I'm very unsure of the complications of the male mind and I'm asking for advice because I really want this to work out!
God prepare for the longest story ever!

I have this guy friend, he's quite close to me, I've known him for about 3 years now.
Last Friday, he asked me to go to a party, I wasn't sure because I was tired. He said to go to his place and think about it whilst he got ready for the party.
But he didn't go-he asked me if I wanted to watch a film instead, so we did...and we watched 3 films and it was too late for me to go back. Somewhere along the way, he started getting close to me, ended up kissing me and one thing led to another.

It felt awkward at first because he was a close friend. I used to have a crush on him in my first year of university.

Anyway thing is, he wasn't pushy or anything, he's generally known to be a genuinely nice guy. I don't think the words "using you for sex" suits him because it's just not him. If I were to ask all the other people who know him, they would say the same thing.

In the morning, he told me not to go and to stay in bed and cuddle, he even gave me kisses on forehead and then I think started to have butterflies in my tummy. He even made me soup for breakfast in bed. He did a lot of lovey-dovey things like held and kissed my hand, stroked my hair etc!

Then today, we went out to an exhibition and I was so happy to see him but I didn't get vibes from him. I thought he got bored already but I was thinking, that's impossible because 1. He said he wanted to hang out, 2. Well I've known him and I KNOW he wouldn't just use me for sex, 3. Before he left today, he asked "see you next week?"

We were suppose to go to his place to watch a film too (he brought out his laptop and eveything) but we spent too long at the exhibition and he had to go home during a certain time.
But maybe I'm just being paranoid because I expect too much. But I just want to know for sure that maybe he has an intention of going out with me or something and that he's not playing. It was just today that it felt like nothing and normal and I was pretty gutted actually.

Yeah I'm just confused because I don't know what he's doing! Urgh

[pat]

Well, I think the best way to find out what he's doing is to speak to him. We can all try to give you advice, but really he's the only person who knows what's going on inside of his head. Have you tried talk to him about it?

Other than that I've heard of stories similar to your's before. If he's really acting like nothing happened it might be that he was really attracted to you (or still might be), but that he just doesn't want a serious relationship to develop for whatever reason. However, it definitely is unfair towards you to get that close to you and then act like everything is just the way it's always been. You should seriously talk to him and tell him how you see things.

Besides that, you say you're sure he would never use you for sex because he's a nice guy and everyone else would confirm that - I'm not implying that he did use you for sex here, but "he's a nice guy" really doesn't mean anything as far as that is concerned, so you shouldn't rely on that fact so much. It wouldn't be the first time that "a really nice person" did something everyone else thought he or she wouldn't do. Keep in mind that even the nicest people have the exact same sexual needs and fantasies as everyone else, usually you just tend to underestimate that because you think "oh my god, he / she is just so nice and would never do something bad like that!".

I don't know for how long he's been single, but maybe he got really attracted and developed a sexual desire for you while you watched movies, and even if he didn't consciously have the intention to use you for sex, he somehow ended up doing so. Like I said, I don't know him and I'm not saying he definitely did, I just say you shouldn't ban that idea from your head just based on the fact that he's nice.

[returnofthezro]

from a male's point of view - it doesnt make sense that he used you for sex, if he did - he would have kept playing his part so he can get there again, he might be regretting or might be getting worried somehow

[xxazurexx]

You crossed the friends boundary, now he's feeling awkward.

[pegasus87]

Thanks for your advice everyone.

xxazurexx - well it was more of him that made the first move, but I don't know if it's regret, somewhow I have a gut feeling that he's more shy, because he is quite a shy and quiet person.

[xTwinklex]

I know quite a few guys who would otherwise sleep with their female best friends if it wasn't for that - they were already good friends, why complicate it with a relationship. He may have been trying to figure out his emotions that night and found it not to be what he hoped. Chat to him - seriously, talking isn't that bad or awkward once you get into it, men are just terrible at starting it.

[damn2010]

Maybe he also didn't know what vibe he was getting from you. Despite it all, he and you certainly have to work out and discuss your feelings.

[pegasus87]

Hey guys thanks again. Yeah I've been thinking about this and realised that I will HAVE to talk to him.

Lol in the end, I think I just want to show some affection but I don't know if "I'm allowed" - I just want to hold his hand!

Seeing him on Wednesday for a film - also a friend said she's going to help me confront him if nothing happens between us LOL x

[brit_chick25]

Hiya. Have fun when you see him on Wensday & make sure you talk to him Hope it works out for you what ever happens.

[xxazurexx]

Thanks for your advice everyone.

xxazurexx - well it was more of him that made the first move, but I don't know if it's regret, somewhow I have a gut feeling that he's more shy, because he is quite a shy and quiet person.

Sorry, should have made myself clearer. I was meaning that you both crossed over into unchartered territories - he made the move and you reciprocated. Sometimes and when you have been friends with someone for a long time, to cross over can end up complicating or ruining what was once a good friendship.

Guy is probably confused and unsure how to act around you now. More so and because he can't read your mind and know what you are thinking.