I think I'm depressed!

[wxdrumsftw]

This is long, brace yourself...

To start off, my family is pretty poor. Luckily for me and them we are staying at a guest house of someone close to my dad (but not really). I was homeschooled for 3 years before I moved back to my homestate and started going back to my school that I was at before. It is not the typical school...guys outnumber girls, there are special needs people there, not many kids there too. Well I'm 16 and go there and some of my friends hang out in a group with 2 or 3 other people. Ok, it's not really a group but they are close/associated...you get the idea. A couple of my friends think I should hang out with them. But 2 of them I get the feeling hate my guts. I tried a couple months ago to do that (not directly) but I ended up saying dumb things around these 2 people and they sort of made fun of me or looked at me weird. It got to the point where I became intimidated by the 2 of them so much that I avoided talking in front of these 2 people ever. I got a reputation for being the "quiet guy" in the class (only 10 kids BTW!, pretty staggering) not all the time were they around, so I would talk when the weren't.

But even when they weren't around I was still quiet. This led people to believe that I was at heart a quiet person. Which was false, I just didn't have anything interesting to say sometimes or I was afraid to sound like a complete *****. Being homeschooled for 3 years and not socializing much really leaved a mark in my social skills.

I also joined facebook a couple months ago. To date, I only have 19 friends. Other people that I know that started got about 20 friends in about a week or two. Now, it doesn't matter how many friends you have on facebook, I'm fine with having even under 100. But recently I thought it was laughable how during my 2 months on the site I only managed to pick up 19 friends. There might be a reason why, I didn't know anyone or hung out with people for the past 3 years before I came back to school (mainly because I couldn't afford to go out). But still it embarrases me and I feel stupid. And my top friends barely comment on my wall posts and if they do it's short and sweet. I sometimes try to chat with my friends on the site and sometimes they don't respond at all.

Then a couple months ago I met these 2 girls (sisters) on a bus. One of them had this autistic kid say to her he wanted her to sit by him. She said no and wanted to sit next to me instead, out of the blue. She then claimed I was her best friend, ever since kidnergarten. And I just met her! Then 2 weeks ago I found her facebook. I added her, she messaged me a few times confused, I explained to her who I was, and then, more of the same, she said "omg i remember you! you're my best friend!" or something like that. I view her profile occasionally and it seems like she has a real exciting life. I see her doing all kinds of stuff with her friends, going to the mountains and then the shore in a span of a week! I view her photos and see her with cute guys (like myself, not that I think I am, but some people seem to), and she also claims she's best friends with them. It's kinda confusing. Is she just battling hormones? Or is it something else? I sometimes think of talking to her and trying to get to know her just for sake of boredom since she likes me but I feel like she doesn't care about me that much. No idea!

To sum it all up, I have no life besides school. My parents fight a lot, my dad is unemployed and goes through mood swings. I barely eat because there is never really any food in the house or it's just stuff I don't like. People nag me about that at school and it annoys me. I feel like I have no real friends. I feel like I am alone all the time, and I make a fool out of myself a lot. Sometimes I am afraid to do certain things...I don't think people view me as normal sometimes even. I don't know if I will get a girlfriend in the meantime despite people sometimes thinking I am cute. I can't afford to get out and do things because like I said, my family is poor (hell they don't even have a car, my dad is an ***** and crashed it!). I would like someone really close to me in my life, like a girlfriend even or get to know people more. My future is already planned actually, but I don't know if I can accomplish it. I'm worried if I will be like this forever! Advice/feedback will be extremely appriciated. Thanks in advance.

[vashti]

Why are you being home schooled? I think you should try a public school, or perhaps taking classes at the local community college (I don't believe you have to pay tuition if you are under 18). You are too isolated, and having only 10 kids to choose from is inadequate at your age.

[hurt_confuzd]

The solution to any problem related to depression involves large quantities of MDMA, water, and masturbation.

[wxdrumsftw]

I used to be homeschooled but I got to a private school, the same one I used to go to ever since I was 10. I stopped going to public schools around the fourth grade because teachers were unreasonable and mean and most of the students hated me because I was different from them. Like I said before I can't afford to go out and meet people!

[Illusional]

The solution to any problem related to depression involves large quantities of MDMA, water, and masturbation.

so after doing all of that, why am "I" still depressed? alright, i lied, i'm not depressed.


raverboy

[wxdrumsftw]

I mean there are times where I definately feel like I am, although I distract myself from my horrible life by for example watching funny youtube videos, eating, etc.

[gartlas]

Try ask if she wants to hang out sometime? The cure to social inadaquacy is somewhat paradoxically social engagement. the more you hang out in a group of people your own age and stuff , the better you'll get at relaxing and getting on with people. She might not be interested in you as a boyfriend or anything , but dont miss the oppurtunity to get into her friendship group. I myself had two large friendship groups so far in my teens , and I never went to school with anyone in either of them , Yet some of them are as close to me as family. You can have friends , just gotta make the leap

[Illusional]

youtube and a great way to kill time. also try ebaumsworld.com


raverboy

[returnofthezro]

my thoughts on depression are old school, harden up and move on

in your case tho, its not the usual feely touchy shit that brought this on, you seem to have problems, good thing is that you are young with plenty of options, the downside is as you are under 18 and still living with the folks, some of those options are not feasable right now, like moving out.

first thing, you need to accept being alone, now i am not saying become anti-social, but if your friends dont reply on facebook, leave it, who gives a shit - if they cant be bothered to reply back they are not worth your time , also remember that college/uni is around the corner, its a whole new world, new people and new opportunities, it might sound corny, but stay focused on your money, which in turn means focus on school, do you play any sort of sport? if you are really keen on making friends quick, joining a team sport is a good way to find friends and dont worry about skill level, at 16 no one is expecting you to be a top athlete, or if your school doesnt have any sport, join a gym, whether its weights or a fighting sport, its sociable and alot of fun, i know you said money is an issue - any reason why you cant have a part time job?, but you would be surprised at how cheap some gyms can be, especially a fighting sport like boxing or mma

lastly dont forgot you are only young and supposed to be going through the best time of your life - do the best with what you have, thats really the only ****ing thing you can do

[wxdrumsftw]

Returnofzero: My school is focused on all kinds of stuff but the big problem is that it is a private learning disabilities school maxed out to the level. I mean, like 50-65% of the people including myself are at least somewhat normal/ in reality. But then there are people that are completely lost and in there own world, bordering special ed. My school seems like it is an Everybody wins type of theme so sports can't be taken seriously. And most if not all of my friends are either going to a different school along with this school or are thinking about leaving.

And Illusional thanks! I will spend my life on those sites and kill all the time I have!

[TheTooya]

The solution to any problem related to depression involves large quantities of MDMA, water, and masturbation.

Skip the first two, with enough masturbation even the holocaust is a walk in the park!

[Illusional]

^^^^ i would tell you to get drunk and party like me, but with my level of intoxicity, you'd be guarantee do something stupid as i do.


raverboy

[TheTooya]

you'd be guarantee do something stupid as i do.

But the stupid shit is where half the fun is!

[Illusional]

stupid shit if fun, but dumb stupid shit is where you have suicidal thoughts while intoxicated. luckily for me, i am one of those abled bodies who can control my temptations.


raverboy

[wxdrumsftw]

Yes stupid shit can be fun sometimes! I've done stupid shit like 5 years ago.