Fcuking ANGRY!

[Bo]

so my guy and i have been together for almost a year now and now he's mad at me. It's a little complicated, so stick with me. He's mad because since we've been together i randomly egt phone calls or text messages from guys i either gave my number to long before i ever knew him or guy friends. I've NEVER even had the thought of cheating on him cross my mind, EVER! nonetheless i understand. let me run through the list

-i had a short term thing with a man who was 14 yrs older than me before him, which he knew about since we were just friends at the time. i haven't talked to this person since my guy and i started dating

-talking to a friend from california who moved in with his gf after A long time of not keeping in touch since i didnt want his gf to be jealous(has been before)..we kept distance and talk briefly time to time

-a guy who i gave my number to 2 years ago before i knew my bf, and he is suicidal and i didnt want to be mean. I told him not to call me ever again in front of my bf after he called

-believe it or not, Illusional commenting on my Facebook...he thinks it's crazy that i talk to ppl on forums i guess...

-new years we broke up two days before, long story involving his cousins being VERy rude to me for no reason..and i went to lunch with an old guy friend who happened to be in town at the time and it ended badly...this guy is sick in the head as i found out..dont want to explain..

-and lastly my long time friend who is in the military and recently his gf cheated on him so he decided to confide in me and get some advice. He texted me while i was in bed with my bf and well he obviously was not happy about it even though i showed him the text and it had nothing to do with me..just about how things were going with his ex he wanted to get bak with.

i feel so bad, i know it makes me look terrible but for some reason all these things happen at the worst time and he blames it all on me, he won't listen to anything i say..

i dont't know what to do to convince him i'm not doing anything behind his back!
so how do i make him understand im not ding anything and it's seriously all really bad timing?

[BackUpOrGetStng]

Doesn't even sound like bad timing really. Sounds like he's just insecure and jealous. Tell him that his behavior is pushing you away and you've been considering ending the relationship, then ask him his thoughts.

[Gigabitch]

As long as these guys are all just friends, not exes and not guys who tried to get with you and ended up in the Friendzone, I think your bf is being ridiculous. You could try including him in your exchanges with these guys, like the one that wanted some advice about his cheating girlfriend, ask your bf for his input. It looks like you're being completely transparent and not hiding anything from him, so I don't know what his problem is.

He always seems to have these control issues with you. This is becoming a recurrent issue.

[IndiReloaded]

There's a time-tested solution for jealous boyfriends. Tire him out and he won't worry.

[jrharvey]

This guy is just way too insecure. What you are doing is not a problem HOWEVER there may be other things your doing that make him feel insecure in the relationship. Are you super flirty around your friends? To you go out and party a lot without him? Do you have a ton of girls nights and not invite him? Like I said, the messages are completely innocent and there is nothing wrong with that but maybe he sees your other actions and then assumes somthing is going on. IF you are not like that at all then its possible that your boyfriend is just naturally insecure and it has nothing to do with you. In that case you just need to set him straight. Dont get angry, just let him know how it makes you feel AND then let him know how much you care about him and how you would never do anything like that to hurt him. If he still acts up then IDK just dump him because nobody wants a jealous partner.

[phys251]

-and lastly my long time friend who is in the military and recently his gf cheated on him so he decided to confide in me and get some advice. He texted me while i was in bed with my bf and well he obviously was not happy about it even though i showed him the text and it had nothing to do with me..just about how things were going with his ex he wanted to get bak with.

I didn't see anything wrong with what you are doing until I got to this. Yeah, your bf is a little paranoid. But having another guy confide in you is a sure-fire way to elevate that paranoia.

How are you reacting when you get these texts? Are you calmly tapping away a reply, or are you pretending to be distraught that yet again you're being intruded on?

[Mish]

It sounds like your bf is feeling very insecure and threatened by all these guys that you are friends with. Your job I guess is to calm him down and to show that he has nothing to be afraid of. One way of doing this is to change your phone number so all those guys can't contact you on your phone. Use email to talk to them instead, it's as effective as far as communication goes and it's less personal, it also gives you control of when to reply and you won't have the risk of them calling you when in the presence of your bf. Be very selective who you give your phone number to, as your bf can judge you on this on the scale of who you chose to share intimacy with. I know the above is unorthodox (and a few uptight people may take offense to it), but I think it will help you.

[Bo]

Doesn't even sound like bad timing really. Sounds like he's just insecure and jealous. Tell him that his behavior is pushing you away and you've been considering ending the relationship, then ask him his thoughts.

what i mean by bad timing is that these thing ALWAYS happen when we happen to have a disagreement or argument but i can't control who is texting or calling me you know? He says i talk to all these guys when we r having problems and that is completely not true AT ALL. It just happens to be seriously shitty timing, and he thinks it's too much of a coincidence to be bad timing.

for example the crazy suicidal dude who i hadn't talked to in about 1 year, literally. called me, i answered the day before because i forgot he even existed and i never had his number put in my phone simply cuz im just not interested in talking to him as a friend or anything else. so he called me while i was with my bf and i told him i couldn't talk, he kept calling me so eventually i told him not to call me ever again. so he psychotically texts me a slew of racist messages in the next hour without even a single response from me. See BAD timing. My bf was like who the fcuk is this guy, and all i can tell him is that it's some guy i gave my number to years ago, nothing is going on. But he insists that he im up to something or else this guy wouldn't be so psycho obsessed.

As long as these guys are all just friends, not exes and not guys who tried to get with you and ended up in the Friendzone, I think your bf is being ridiculous. You could try including him in your exchanges with these guys, like the one that wanted some advice about his cheating girlfriend, ask your bf for his input. It looks like you're being completely transparent and not hiding anything from him, so I don't know what his problem is.

He always seems to have these control issues with you. This is becoming a recurrent issue.

I understand where this is coming from though in a way the new years issue was a big one, it's hard to talk about. But it's just not fair the only ppl that are my friend r mikey the one who lives in cali with his gf and the one in military, but i don't talk to them very often to really tell my bf anythin about them. He sees it as random dudes who pop up outta nowhere, but with am i supposed to do? Am i supposed to run through a list of anyone male who has my number and might call or text me? For example i've mentioned these ppl before very briefly but he doesn't remember! so WTF! I show him the text messages and he gets angry at me for showing them to him because he says im talking to another guy in his bed, but i don't even answer im just reading what the message says. i always wait til im on my own time to give my friend advice. i show him so he knows exactly what's going on, NOTHING!

This guy is just way too insecure. What you are doing is not a problem HOWEVER there may be other things your doing that make him feel insecure in the relationship. Are you super flirty around your friends? To you go out and party a lot without him? Do you have a ton of girls nights and not invite him? Like I said, the messages are completely innocent and there is nothing wrong with that but maybe he sees your other actions and then assumes somthing is going on. IF you are not like that at all then its possible that your boyfriend is just naturally insecure and it has nothing to do with you. In that case you just need to set him straight. Dont get angry, just let him know how it makes you feel AND then let him know how much you care about him and how you would never do anything like that to hurt him. If he still acts up then IDK just dump him because nobody wants a jealous partner.

I don't see him as insecure, there are incidents in the past that have happened like i mentioned before the new years things, long story don't wanna get into it...but i've never EVER cheated or got emotionally attached to another guy. I'm not even slightly flirty around anyone else even when he is not there. i don't drink or party unless i'm with him excluding VERY rare occasions. Damn it i really just want to know what i can do to make him feel like i am the good loyal gf that i am, i can tell he's starting to show less affection because of the friend texting me. it just makes me so upset. And i should also mention this friend texted me at 4 something in the morn but that's because he's on the east coast across the country so i don't think he thinks about the time difference. This bothered my bf a lot, which is understandable.

I didn't see anything wrong with what you are doing until I got to this. Yeah, your bf is a little paranoid. But having another guy confide in you is a sure-fire way to elevate that paranoia.

How are you reacting when you get these texts? Are you calmly tapping away a reply, or are you pretending to be distraught that yet again you're being intruded on?

i was annoyed that my friend is being a fcuking idiot for still wanting to get back with this chick because i think it's stupid and i showed him but then i din't answer but he pretty much instantly flipped out. i'd be pissed if his chick friend texted him that early in morn though...

It sounds like your bf is feeling very insecure and threatened by all these guys that you are friends with. Your job I guess is to calm him down and to show that he has nothing to be afraid of. One way of doing this is to change your phone number so all those guys can't contact you on your phone. Use email to talk to them instead, it's as effective as far as communication goes and it's less personal, it also gives you control of when to reply and you won't have the risk of them calling you when in the presence of your bf. Be very selective who you give your phone number to, as your bf can judge you on this on the scale of who you chose to share intimacy with. I know the above is unorthodox (and a few uptight people may take offense to it), but I think it will help you.

well see that's the thing, i want him to know i'm not talking to ppl behind his back so what he sees is what my life is. I mean if he wants me to cut off all these ppl Fine, seriously i don't give a shit but the point is i want him to trust me.

[hello1]

Why don't you cut these guys from your life? of course if only he do the same for his female friends. Problem sorted.

[Mish]

well see that's the thing, i want him to know i'm not talking to ppl behind his back so what he sees is what my life is. I mean if he wants me to cut off all these ppl Fine, seriously i don't give a shit but the point is i want him to trust me.

Sometimes trust needs to be earnt and it's hard to earn it when you have multiple guys confinding in you and calling your mobile in front of your partner.

[lahnnabell]

Last year, a few months into dating exclusively, my boyfriend began to get calls from a psycho-sort-of-ex of his. He and this chick used to hook up back when he didn't want the trouble of maintaining a relationship. He eventually broke it off after she exhibited controlling and possessive behavior. Months later, she began calling again. I was taken aback at first, but when my boyfriend explained her unstable nature, I decided to let him be there for her as a friend.

Things were fine at first, but one night I remember we were drinking and having fun. He took a moment to answer a call from her and went into the next room to close the door. This pissed me off. Afterward, I matter-of-factly told him that I was perfectly all right him being her friend and helping her out, but shutting the door in my face made me feel insecure. He had a long, sexual history with this girl and I didn't trust her intentions of calling him. He and I were also new to each other, and I wasn't exactly sure about him either. At my request, he gave me the reassurance that I asked for. He even let me listen to their conversations on speakerphone (without her knowing) so I could hear what they talk about. I never asked for that, but he took it upon himself.

You seem to be quite a magnet for these guys, like my boyfriend is with certain girls. He had to work a little to distance himself from some unhealthy contacts, but he finally did it when he realized it was detrimental to our relationship which was priority.

[phys251]

i was annoyed that my friend is being a fcuking idiot for still wanting to get back with this chick because i think it's stupid and i showed him but then i din't answer but he pretty much instantly flipped out. i'd be pissed if his chick friend texted him that early in morn though...

Well, yeah! Don't you think that's exactly what he's going through?

[Bo]

Why don't you cut these guys from your life? of course if only he do the same for his female friends. Problem sorted.

Thst's the point i've already mostly cut these ppl out of my lives. The only two that are actually friends are the one who lives in cali who i HARDLY talk to since we both have our own lives...and we live in different states. We talk online or text once every few months or he'll shoot me a text if he's gonna b in town. The other is the one who has been calling to ask me what to do about his ex, all the other ppl i had no problem telling them to fcuk off and not to call me ever again.

These two guys that i'm friends with have never been into me and i've never had feelings for them nor do i think they are attractive and i HARDLY EVER talk to them.

Sometimes trust needs to be earnt and it's hard to earn it when you have multiple guys confinding in you and calling your mobile in front of your partner.

i understand that, it feels like i'll never earn his trust when EVERY SINGLE thing that happens has to turn into a big fight and he won't even try to understand when i explain, he says it just sounds like i'm defending myself. Idk what i'm supposed to say other than defend myself and try to understand him. Am i supposed to sit there and say hey ya i talk to shit loads of guys and i'm sorry, when that is NOT the case.

Last year, a few months into dating exclusively, my boyfriend began to get calls from a psycho-sort-of-ex of his. He and this chick used to hook up back when he didn't want the trouble of maintaining a relationship. He eventually broke it off after she exhibited controlling and possessive behavior. Months later, she began calling again. I was taken aback at first, but when my boyfriend explained her unstable nature, I decided to let him be there for her as a friend.

Things were fine at first, but one night I remember we were drinking and having fun. He took a moment to answer a call from her and went into the next room to close the door. This pissed me off. Afterward, I matter-of-factly told him that I was perfectly all right him being her friend and helping her out, but shutting the door in my face made me feel insecure. He had a long, sexual history with this girl and I didn't trust her intentions of calling him. He and I were also new to each other, and I wasn't exactly sure about him either. At my request, he gave me the reassurance that I asked for. He even let me listen to their conversations on speakerphone (without her knowing) so I could hear what they talk about. I never asked for that, but he took it upon himself.

You seem to be quite a magnet for these guys, like my boyfriend is with certain girls. He had to work a little to distance himself from some unhealthy contacts, but he finally did it when he realized it was detrimental to our relationship which was priority.

My friends don't really call me for emotional support constantly though. That's the first guy who's called for my advice since we've been dating EVER. i don't have a 'history' with this friend other than we were close friends back when we were kids in Early HIGHSCHOOL years. Am i not supposed to have friends besides girls? i mean i try to tell him everything but i'm not gonna bring ppl up outta nowhere unless they call or text me, it just doesn't make sense.

Well, yeah! Don't you think that's exactly what he's going through?

well of course that's why i feel bad! But then he's getting pissed over nothing, which isn't what he's thinking. I don't know what to do, there's been a situation where it was the same thing on his end but this chick was HIS EX. He didn't tell me about it because he didn't answer to her and felt it was unnecessary which pissed me off but then he turned it around on me instead. so idk i just want to make things better. I want to feel like the arguments we have are going to make us understand eachother better, but that's not what's happening

[Bo]

I totally do understand where he is coming from and i'm willing to do whatever to have him just fcuking trust me even though i've NEVER lied or cheated on him. It sorta feels like nothing i do is good enough. He says he wants me to give him a heads up about things but i don't know how i can when I, myself don't even know when this shit is gonna pop up...

[Charisma]

Put your phone on silent when things are going tough. Then it won't be so obvious that you're getting calls/texts, ect.

Ok, so it won't make the psycho guy very pleased, but stuff him. You're not a therapist and that's who he should be calling. Don't feel bad that you've gave him so much patience til now, he's messing up your time just so he can get attention from someone.