Talking in my sleep

[dreamtalker]

hi

an interesting debate which i would really appreciate advice on.
i have a habit of talking in my sleep and this has caused problems in my relationship - twice now i apparently have called out (different) exs names whilst also 'playing' with myself... needless to say i have zero recolection of this in the morning when i wake to find my partner in a bad mood and upset over it. the exs are insignificant ones whose names i have called out, and i have been known to call out names of ppl i have no idea who they are! so i have really vivid dreams - most of which i remember daily, but for some reason neither of the two about my exs - genuienly.
my partner seems to think that this is something i should be very apologetic about, i have told him he cannot take it so personally and needs not be concerned by it as it is something i have zero control over and no recollection of. it also winds him up as i do find it slightly amusing - more through embarrassment than anything else - im now worrying over family holidays where i share a room with a relative etc, what happens if i do that then?? i would be mortified!
but what is the general view on this - is my partner right to be really annoyed with me and throw it in my face every argument we have about how no other man would ever put up with it, that hes a mug for being with me etc. or am i right in feeling that i shouldnt be grovelling an apology as its something i have no control over or theres no intent behind.

there is a back story to this also that i feel his is overbearing and controling of me -- to the point where i am made to feel guilty even iif i want to go and visit my parents - he believes that as a 'healthy' relationship there should be no need for space and that we are each others lives, im very much more thinking we need space, especially when we live and work togeather, and that seperate lives are healthy to an extent.

any words of advice would be apreciated, im just sick of hearing that im wrong all the time - maybe i am, but i need to hear it from someone other than him!

[vashti]

Well, you can't blame him for not being thrilled about hearing you call out other people's names, even though you aren't doing it on purpose. I think it's one of those things you will have to keep apologizing for, and he is going to have to accept and let go, if you want to stay together. Neither one of you are wrong.

I am much more worried about the isolation he wants to enforce on you. THAT is not healthy or acceptable, and for me, would be a deal breaker.